From Plastic Tub
January is a time for new beginnings and sad farewells; numerous birthdays, deaths, and other new and closed adventures abound:
- Wee-Wee was declared an independent democracy on New Year's Day, 1970.
- Sandra Day, a revisionist historian, was shot through the temple on January 1, 2005 in Tampa, Florida, while investigating Mormo Cults.
- Steven Vogeler joined Mother Earth on January 3, 1966.
- Franklin Slippers was born on January 11, 1810; he died in the house he was born in exactly 70 years later, leaving behind a series of articles that painted a sympathetic revisionist history of La Ligue d'Agenda de la Pinque.
- The Association of Association was founded in the wake of the 3rd AA International Conference on January 15, 1966. The A of A folded in 1967, after a long, slow death.
- Jonathan Trenchwheat’s Lil' AA brief nationally syndicated run ended abruptly with no explanation on January 27, 1962 and was soon forgotten by the fickle crowd of admirers who went back to their Snoopies and Prince Valiants.
Stimso's Day is on Sunday, February 13th. Jorge Suarez was born and died on Valentine's Day, the same day that Wee-Wee burned to the waterline. An unattached and unclaimed ear was found in the streets of Creatine Panderbox's hometown of Manchester, England, near Strangeways Prison on February 18, 2005.
Creatine Panderbox was born on April 16, 1930.
Meanwhile, Chinese astronomers were fiercely debating whether The Plastic Tub would cross 500 pages in May or June of 2005. The importance of this event was lost on John Wickle, revisionist historian, found dead on the 29th (2003), garroted in a crack house while investigating Mormo cults.
Reticent 27 dropped like an egg on an unsuspecting world in May, 1942. Maynard Schorr, a professional Scoutmaster, couldn't give a rat's ass, as he fell to his death on May 16, 2004, in Little Rock after publishing an exposé on Mormo cults in the popular Boys' Life. Not one to be so easily discouraged, John Corn, founder of the Alpha Chimp and Beta Chimp labels, continued to find the AAers "freaky enough to be enjoyable" long after his death on May 13, 2001.
May 3 is apparently one helluva of a day, as we float through the years finding:
- The Founding Fathers of AA drinking their way through Miami like a school of fish at the First AA International Conference in 1957.
- Creatine Panderbox, dead and dangling in San Luis Potosi, Mexico, hanging by pants above a severed human ear in 1960.
- David Payne, beer in hand, still celebrating his birthdate from 1971.
- Steven Adkins hiking the Pyrenées with William Flintrock in 2003. (Note: Flinrock vehemently disagrees that this occurred on the 3rd, pointing, instead, to the 27th.)
Nationaler Masturbationstag (National Masturbation Day) pops up on May 30 in Plüntz, Austria.
"500 pages!?! Them boys need a job!"--Grandmothers everywhere upon learning that The Plastic Tub hit 500 pages in May of 2005.
A Dimestore Pulp was found behind a dumpster in a paper bag this month during the Second World War.
In early July, 1960, clampers were disappointed by the staid Second AA International Conference. At the time, few foresaw that the seeds were being planted for The Great Schism, which split the AA right between the As during the 3rd AA International Conference five years later in Reno, Nevada.
The sight of the Pillagers dressed in Maiden-ware kissing each other shocked seventeenth century Italian Peasants. Moments later, their heads were lopped off. La Ligue d'Agenda de la Pinque and the July-enacted August Agenda began.
On a final, sad note, we mourn the passing of Black Gamcock -- shot in head and fed to dogs on July 6.
As the Dog Days wind down, we pause for a breather before the last Saturday of every August, when good eats and fun times can be found at the Incidentalist Dead Flesh Bonanza, an annual barbecue held on the American continent since the late 1960's.
Stimes Addisson made his entrance on August 12 or 13, 1920, a mid-western kid with adventures in store. More birthdays of note include:
On the 27th we pause to note the passing of Stimes Addisson. It was 1999, one helluva year. Elysius Dubord's last breath was gasped just a fortnight prior. And one week and a day earlier contemporaries were made when an Algonquin phrase spanned the globe.
Rudolph St. Cloud kissed death but emerged the victor when struck by a car in September, 2004.
It all took a generally violent turn when the Accidental Action was formed on the eleventh day of 1965. Smedley Wissock's released his AA report to the FBI three years later. This dark trend continued through one Koose Muniswamy Veerappan, who died a violent death on October 18, 2004.
The best month of the year:
- Alexandre Dacusse--Born November 25, 1925, Marseille, France.
- John P. Merriweather--Died in November or December, 1976.
Need we say more?
When it starts; when it all ends. John P. Merriweather, for example, died in November or December, 1976. Tim Wilson, on the other hand, parachuted into the backyard on December 3rd, 1970. Other December births include Mazzistow Carrington, born on December 11, 1925, in Detroit, and Patter O'Donnely, born on Christmas of 1969. (You wouldn’t believe what that birth date has done for his love life). But enough! December is the end as well as the beginning: Marak Barrister was arrested in December, 2004, and spent 30 days in jail, and Pietri Biberoni caught an extremely virulent syphillis in December 1819, after which he decided to return to Switzerland…