Why I should be Pope

From Plastic Tub

Tract written in a heroin-induced torpor in September 2000. In the text Rudolph St. Cloud posits 27 absurdly egotistical reasons why he should be elected pope when the "current bloke kicks it." Number 13, for example: "My cock's as thick as a baby's arm."

The tract was distributed to Catholic churches throughout the Fingerlakes region of New York state during Fall, 2004. As a result of the scandal, St. Cloud was jumped and severely beaten by a squad of vigilantes he claims identified themselves as Knights of Columbus.