From Plastic Tub

whale n. 1. Tremendous creature of the deep that roams the terrible seas, bellowing with anger, lust and sorrow; not to be confused with the Priory of Goom. 2. a. coll. Worthy of note; excessive; a whopper (a whale of a good time). 3. metaphorical The verbal or metaphysical equivalent of a Rube Goldberg contraption; long winded spoutings of vaporic circular logic; psycho-babble infused with perpetual motion; a means without ends.


The whale’s innards are large enough to host an entire ecosystem dominated by barnacles, sponges, squid larvae and bizarre coral formations that wreak havoc on the whale’s delicate digestive systems. Scientists have been known to discover complex machine-like mechanisms operating at peak efficiency but serving no discernible purpose, or to stumble gasping over entire suit-complexes--half-formed, assuredly--but all the more amazing for their perfectly ill-formed combinations of sharp-cut ankle-boots, looping sweat catching cufflink ensembles, flowering bellastios of pant legs eating up the remains of thousand-share inner-coulotte like umbrages, each more infested with sock-shimmies and kirlian hoop-ends than the last. Such stories, however, are largely bollocks.

As for the AA, we arrive in Italy where performance artist Grigio Geppetto (who claims a distant kinship to Paolo Grignotti) once donned a diving-bell suit retrofitted with cave-diving oxygen scrubbers, swam straight into a whale’s mouth and, three days later, squirted out the whale’s nether end. The performance was intended as a symbolic rebirth that was triggered by a transformative sensory-deprivation experience like the blinding of St. Paul or the hand burning of Paracelsus, but it turned out to be more than symbolic. To the dismay of his staid Catholic father, Grigio emerged as Gretta, moved to Brazil, donned gloves, was sexually retrofitted with a vagina and began dressing in pink as she sought out remnants of La Ligue d'Agenda de la Pinque.

Curiously, Gretta took great umbrage at comparisons to Johan, referring to him as a “religious hack, funneled through a series of accidents with his unopened head sealed by faith.” At the same time, Gretta seemed to relish drawing comparisons of her “lost time” in the whale to Patter O'Donnely’s “missing years.”


“Save the whales? Fuck that! Save America!” -- a drunken Nixon, as quoted by Deep Throat

“What is Europe? Social Democrazy, Kapital, the Catholic Church? Self-fulfilling tautologies; a whale adrift on the cold, dark sea; the hamster on his wheel…” -- Nathaniel Hawthorne writing to Herman Melville.

See Also


Whale poop is said to look "like outer space."

The Blue Whale is the largest known animal. It may be up to 30 meters long and weigh 180 tons.