Tub Book: Glossary

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27 (nb.) 1. Twenty-seven ones stacked up, placed between twenty-five ones and twenty-six ones. 2. The twelfth prime number.

Usage

"It does me no injury for my neighbor to say there are 27 gods, or no God. It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg." — Thomas Jefferson

Extrapolation

The totem number of the AA. It appears ubiquitously not only in AA literature and art, but in dates and other contexts generally recognized to be beyond the control of the human hand.

Accidentalists generally regard the 27 phenomenon as a joke, while Associationalists see a more profound, if not mystical, operation at play.

One wily commentator has speculated that 27 represents play as a healthy inversion of work: "If you take the 2 and the 7 you find that 7+2=9 and 7-2=5. The connection: 9-2-5. The 9 to 5! The job, the workplace, the toil for another, 27 is code for this Pooban enslavement mechanism!" Needless to say, this commentator has since been proven insane and rather dull-witted, at that.

See Also

Desiderata

The number 27 has attracted wide-spread notice independent of and at first unknown to the editors of Plastic Tub. The number appears ubiquitously in pop culture and in both natural and man-made disasters. Some call it conspiracy. Others call it dumb luck (see Good Luck).

3 (sci.) 1. Niggardly vison (see Titor'd). 2. The third number of the alphabet. 3. Three. 4. E, backwards, though not a schwa.

Extrapolation

"Unbarrel 27. There lies Three." — tombstone (see Boneyards) carving, origin unknown.

See Also

A

A brandished cane k. 1. A hard-on pulled from the air; the act of creating false vapors. 2. The outcome of a Stabbin' Hat initiative. 3. The hierarchical activation-metaphor used in the early 1990's as a Farm Blog substitution mechanism — a complete literary failure, but surprisingly successful on DVD. 4. The instrument of severe discipline.

See Also

AA (tng.) Abbreviation and common form of Accidental Associationalism. Not to be confused with Alcoholics Anonymous, the Argentum Astrum or any other quasi-religious organization bearing these two initials.

"Although we speak of 'The AA' and 'AA'ers,' it should be noted that 'AA' has never represented any formally chartered or established group as such, but a group of individuals and groups so-chartered, bound together in a loose affiliation based on shared ideals and camaraderie."

-- Lollop Whitley, Dogs for Checkers: AA Symboliosis and Distance Language, introduction to the 1986 edition, University of Kansas Press.

AA has also stood for Accidental Action, the Association of Association and the Associatio Amicorum (see Toulouse).

See Also

AA'ers (foax) Participants in the AA.

The term was originally used in Field Agent Smedley Wissock's report to his superiors at the FBI dated October 4, 1968: Internal Report 27a, 1967: The AA and Satellite Organs, Threat Factors and Subversive Tendencies. In a sporty display of life imitating fiction, participants in the group began using the term for themselves. It now refers both to original personages from the Who We Are era and those of the current manifestation known as The Second Advance.

Extrapolation

Wissock was an undercover FBI agent working his way up the saboteur ladders when a nefarious assignment led him to Balthazar Buehb and subsequently the AA. Wissock, often fueled by Dewey Rose's acerbic vitriol, envisioned a wildly complicated AA Conspiracy whose perfidy would have made Jonathon Trenchwheat smile. And it was so that Wissock unknowingly advanced much of the apocryphal mythos associated with today's AA . Wissock, a vehement racist, intoxicated on a homemade concoction of sodium pentathlon and Everclear, failed to complete his plan to firebomb Stimes Addisson's residence when he was spooked by the sight of Mazzistow Carrington and Bashy Gupta exiting. Wissock was eventually dismissed from the force due to security clearance concerns, and it was later determined that Smedley suffered from acute schizophrenia.

See Also

ablation (a.) 1. Surgical excisement of a body part or tissue mass for the purposes of purification or gnostic experience; auto-amputation. 2. The removal or reduction of psychic material from the accomplished. 3. The dissipation of identity by means of analogy. 4. Sacrificing part of the self to save the whole. 5. euph. Suicide, self-immolation, egocide.

"then throws his stump into the upper window it lands upright" — Hot Night of The Universe

Extrapolation

Exactly!

Non Canonical Text

"And if thy hand offend thee, cut it off: it is better for thee to enter into life maimed, than having two hands to go into hell ... And if thy foot offend thee, cut it off: it is better for thee to enter halt into life, than having two feet to be cast into hell ... And if thine eye offend thee, pluck it out: it is better for thee to enter into the kingdom of God with one eye, than having two eyes to be cast into hell fire…." — Mark 9:43-48. King James Bible. "Incidents of auto-amputation in nature trace an inverted bell-curve against intelligence. At the low end, insects, for example, will often eat a leg by accident, and lizards will inadvertently shed a tail when startled. At the upper end, we find foxes chewing off their legs to escape traps and humans chipping off fingers from sheer ennui. But in the middle lies this fuzzy area where we willing plant our cocks -- if you can find it." —- Dapper Clementine. A Nature Lover's Guide to Loving in Nature. University of Minnesota Press, Minneapolis. 1971.

"In the death of soldier or the starvation of a peasant, we rejoice -- for We Are One, and the heroic sacrifice of one reflects the heroism of all."

— Proclamation 13. Stalin (see Egg).

"The lucky Christian in heaven looks back upon death as the ablation of body from soul which purified the self. Likewise, the dead Gnostic may rejoice in the purity of pneuma gained through the sloughing of the flesh. Buddhists, on the other hand, view Nirvana as an absorption, wherein the self is lost or dissipated as the one becomes all. Likewise, marriage (see Poob Bargain) or nationalism may be seen as an absorption, wherein one’s identity is lost to a collective, while divorce (see The Great Schism) or desertion may be viewed as a type of ablation".

— a lecture from the annoying professor (what was her name?)1

See Also

Desiderata

Adult circumcision is the most common form of Poobian (see Poob) physical ablation. Self-castration is a close second.

I like having a detachable penis. -- King Missle

Kokopelli, a fertility deity and trickster god--usually depicted as a humpbacked flute player and who is worshiped by many Native American tribes in the Southwestern United States--is often depicted with an oversized phallus. According to Wikipedia, Ho-Chunk lore relates that "this penis is detachable, and he sometimes leaves it in a river in order to have sex with girls who bathe there."

The Top Ten reasons to auto-amputate, as culled from Letterman:

10. Cleave a toe to impress the ladies! 9. Lop off a trigger finger to avoid the draft! 8. Loosen your nuts to relieve those pesky pedophilic urges! 7. Eat your own legs to avoid starvation! Beat the cannibal at his own game! 6. Snip off your foreskin to improve the sensations! 5. Clip off an ear and go as Van Gogh for Halloween! 4. Prune a pinky to look like a Chinese gangster! 3. Wallop off your hands and join the Anahinthan! 2. Wack off your cock. It feels good. 1. Check that ego, young man.

Notes

Activities related to ablation include:

  • Absorption - Just as running and stopping are opposite points of reference on a scale of motion, absorption and excisement are referential extremities of identity and loss through ablation.
  • Apotemnophilia - The rare and dangerous condition of deriving sexual gratification from auto-amputation.
  • Auto-amputation - The physical removal of one’s own body parts by one’s self or with one’s permission.
  • Bucking Up - Drawing on one’s inner resources to cast out fears; mental ablation wherein courage is derived by the removal of woosiness.
  • Exorcism - Casting out demons to purify the soul.
  • Brain Surgeries - Trepanning removes a portion of the skull with the intent of created an opened head. Tumor removal purifies the brain. Lobotomies remove the function of the prefrontal cortex to alleviate aggression. Epileptics may remove the corpus collsum to sever the left and right hemispheres of the brain.
  • Pruning - Physical ablation of a horticultural nature; also used in reference to Darwinian evolution wherein a species is empowered by the pruning of weaker members.
  • Extrapolation - To arrive at the essence, truth, or a state of purity via inference, deduction, humor, or extension.
  • Extracting - Withdrawing the desired. If you keep what you withdraw, you are extracting. If you shed what you withdraw, you are ablating or pruning.

Note 1: It was Dr. "Alamo" Jane Jenkins, of the University of Boston. And don't forget it.

Adidian (adj.) A term much debated among disanarcassits, Adidian has been posited as works, relations betweeen humans and the claptrap hovering in between "the bits which matter."

See Also

alcove (n.) 1. Hold that fucking shot!, he cried, a planar bevel. 2.a. Where prospective Gnome Scouts wait in anticipation of their initiation, each an expert. 2.b. More than a niche, less than a cave, equal to combinations.

Extrapolation

Alcoves enjoy an unusual attention from scholars who have failed to attract the respect of fellow scholars and the larger, more profitable expanse of public interest. One could, after all, study the comparably more exciting field of decapitation, breast-thronging (see The Worship of Tits) or jew-baiting -- but a certain sector of the academic field devotes itself to the intricate investigation of this seemingly banal form of architectural filigree.

An alcove is usually a small space in a room, formed by one part of a wall being further back than the parts on each side. Ideally suited for bookshelves and the like, in certain circles the alcove is empty and hidden by a kind of curtain or ornamental tapestry. Thus concealed, it serves as a spot for eavesdropping. Once considered the ideal manner of discerning private information, the alcove has since fallen out of fashion after it was discovered that sudden gusts of wind can "tip-off" those being listened too. Prior to this, it had been discovered that curtains which had been cut too short were also a giveaway, as the shoes of careless eavesdroppers could often be seen protruding from underneath. Electronic devices, known as "bugs," or lip-readers with telescopes are now the preferred method of collecting discrete information. Yet traditionalists still insist upon the alcove as an indispensible tool, and one can still find them in manor houses and hotels across the globe.

See Also

Desiderata

Alcoves have served as a critical plot foil in many a nail-biting scene of Lil' AA.

alembic (kl.) 1. An apparatus consisting of two vessels connected by a tube, used for distilling liquids. 2. A device or entity that purifies through the agency of fume or vapor. 3. Any action or object which purifies according to the methods of sublimation, transmutation, removal, ablation.

Extrapolation

The alembic was put on the map by the actions of several individuals operating under C.I.A. scrutiny but who under torture insisted they were in fact secret negroes working to placate that portion of the pleroma responsible for running the dye-works. Thus could they cut to the quick. Later research, obviously tainted by canonical beliefs, identified the actors as homo-sexuals whose ultimate goal was the destruction of the family.

See Also

Algonquin (n.) 1. A Native American people who inhabited most of the Canadian region south of Hudson Bay between the Rockies and the Atlantic Ocean. 2. A hotel in Manhattan. 3. A slur from a drunkard. 4. euph. A phrase used to indicate one's immediate departure.

See Also

Altar(s) (nplssd.) 1. Geomantic loci wheron Gods can be the object of direct human communication; the one way post-stop of Hope, Faith and Interlocution. 2. Any man-made object, or space, which seemingly produces praeterhuman phenomena. 3. The stage for a ritual sacrifice; a crematory.

Extrapolation

AA'ers are known to collect small artifacts and curios of some personal significance or interest -- often with a comical aspect -- and to display them in a quasi-reverent fashion within a frame or on a shelf. Objects are sometimes presented ironically, but rarely without at least a sprinkling of earnest admiration and devotion. Sometimes incense is burned and bits of fruit and/or small shot glasses of alcohol left as offerings. Often a symbol of something feared or despised is placed upon these altars in the hopes that the altar's power will somehow lead to its destruction or defeat.

See Also

ana-associational (ju.) 1. A cognitive incident which though entirely inapparent, appears to exist prior to the instance of its creation.

See also

Ape (v.) 1. When you're angry at something, and you can't describe it, exactly like a deliberation of Thanksgiving, concerning the impossible situation -- earlier described -- of migrating your entire apartment, using only the calories available through an average morning breakfast, usually measured by a mathematical formula that emulates the mass created by an unusually dense occurrence of midgets, most of which appear to be smoking cigars. 2. To imitate, esp. in a mocking manner. 3. n. A hairy and ferocious beast that lives in jungles and shits.

Usage

"Somehow the rumour that William Flintrock is "hairy as an ape" has been making the rounds. Recently as yesterday I heard it. When we hiked the GR10 in the Pyrenées last month, we went swimming. It just isn't true." -- Steven Adkins, June, 2003.

Arab Countries (np.) A series of national monuments erected entirely as an excuse to use the word erected in daily newsprint; a clobbish leap at so-called "psy-op" -- including t-shirt, poster sales we made a fucking mint.

Non-Canonical Text

"...clustered around the Arabian Peninsula founded by a man as he chased an enormous White Whale."

See Also

Architect's hand. League of Gnomes term for the Unseen Hand.

Non-Canonical Text

"Here the architect’s hand seems mighty as a god’s. Houses appear and disappear at his whim – the people whose lives are radically changed by the activities of this hand are nowhere to be seen; they are given no part in these processes."

Asian Thumb (rok.) 1. A collection of pornographic pictures featuring Asian women, presented as "thumbnails", ay ficare resized to a smaller proportion for group viewing. 2. The beautiful made banal; a mundanity which achieves apotheotic stature. 3. The most advanced of all the thumbs, a pollex a priori. 4. A Beta Chimp prog-rock band.

See Also

asp (n.) 1. A venomous snake, esp. an adder or cobra. 2. One characterized by charm and a devious intelligence; a tempter or temptress; a sneak.

"Beauty -- An Asp!"

-- password used by various AA groups to differentiate invited guests from clampers.

"My dear Kepler, what would you say of the learned here, who, replete with the pertinacity of the asp, have steadfastly refused to cast a glance through the telescope? What shall we make of this? Shall we laugh, or shall we cry?"

-- Letter from Galileo Galilei to Johannes Kepler.

"And the sucking child shall play on the hole of the asp, and the weaned child shall put his hand on the cockatrice' den."

-- Isa. 11:8, prophesying on the Messiah's reign, King James Bible.

See Also

ass (ts.) 1. That which is sat upon, yet poops; eng. arse. 2. A member of the horse family Equidae; a donkey, mule, horse, zebra, or onager. 3. Colloq., awesome, as in badass; also, the opposite, as in jackass or this tastes like ass. 4. The buttocks of a human.

Extrapolation

"The Ass is transformation and stubbornness, dipshit. Where's my beer?" -- A drunken Stimes Addisson, 1993, Mustang Sally's, Tampa, to Steven Adkins.

"The supposed categorization of Mormo Worship as a form of Tit Worship is in error. Mormo Worshippers are, in fact, predominantly ass men of the most profound sort." -- Bashy Gupta, lecturing at the Copenhagen Poob Research Institute. Non Canonical Text

"Other poets have warbled the praises of the soft eye of the ostrich, and the lovely plumage of the bird that never alights; less celestial, I celebrate the tail... The compact round body of its root expands into two broad, firm, flat palms... At the crotch or junction, these flukes slightly overlap, then sideways recede from each other like wings, leaving a wide vacancy between. In no living thing are the lines of beauty more exquisitely defined than in the crescentic borders of these... its flexions are invariably marked by exceeding grace. Therein no fairy's arms can transcend it... The more I consider this mighty tail, the more do I deplore my inability to express it. At times there are gestures in it, which, though they would well grace the hand of man, remain wholly inexplicable." -- Melville. Moby-Dick.

See Also

Associationalism (n.) Without a lattice upon which to string our cognition, Association is meaningless. It becomes Accident. That's how we started the fisticuffs bit.

The chimp on skates is the right leg, after the invisible hand erases your text. The desire to see pigs in clouds, order in boobaloob, read tea leaves, Donald Duck Tarot, to see the fingerprint of God in a turd and its shape in relationship to the croissant you ate for breakfast, the lack of revelation, the construction, the collage the palimpsest of gluebacked fluttering we use to construct our soul advertisement to salvation a.k.a. meaning a.k.a. fun.

Remember: Association is like running vapor through an alembic.

The AARG debated this point in circles, two people often ending up where the other had left off, changing position like so many pairs of pants in motion. AA activity is now generally known as Associationalism.

Paranoia is often considered a form of pathological Association. Salvador Dali once remarked that "Addisson was on the ball, much like a masturbating egret, eating your mother's bald head, will drip like a sparrow into a golden tumour, otherwise known as an egg in pants."

See Also

augury (n.) 1. The art or practice of predicting the future; divination. 2. An attempt to solidify vapor by removing the accident. 3. The movement of chance, particularized in advance by poets, seers or persons otherwise in the know.

Usage

"...aruspicy, hepatoscopy, scapulimancy, animal sacrifice, ritualized murder...look, kid, I'm telling ya -- if ya wanna control the future, ya gotta kill somethin'..."

Extrapolation

Scene: Lucretia Borges (that infamous clamper and founder of The 3rd A) and Alexandre Dacusse (looking about impatiently) -- both bellied up at local Bronx watering hole. Camera holds on the street corner, momentarily bare, a pleadingly flat shot. Eventually, a figure emerges, then two. They appear to speak.

(smoking a cigarette that is thin, in the european style, unlit)

Borges: "Well, you could, to be sure, chase the whole issue back to free will and what not, but don't you think that's a rather pedestrian attempt to camouflage the obvious religious symbology behind such universal occurrences?"

(still attached to his dumforqu1 , it's mechanical carapace causing slight discomfort, easily shrugged)

Dacusse: "WTF."

"I'm made of fire." screeches the ballooning tremor of the Nigerian taxi driver, his head, his race, his intention, bald. Blinking, Dacusse: "Is that some kind of hallucination?"

Lucretia, lifted inches from the pavement, eyes the size of Jefferson Dimes

Non Canonical Text

"Augury is closely related to attempts to control the future. Part of the thinking is that prediction grants one power -- power that can be used to control. But the relationship is more complex. Sacrifice, for example, is used to appease, appeal to, or otherwise manipulate the gods. But the entrails of these same animals are then examined like tea leaves to predict the future". -- John Wickle on Mormo Cults

"Borges has... devoted [much] thought (and money) to this -- though she seems to have really missed the boat. Her writings on the "precognitive dissassociation of the cause behind the action" have yielded such substantial misunderstanding and confusion regarding The Great Schism of the Third AA International Conference that she has been accused of a smear campain by no less than Nevid Kessar". -- John Wickle on Lucretia Borges

See Also

Note 1: You ditch me? What are you doing that tub shit gets annoying -- Johanna.

auto poob cluster (APC) n. 1. Autonomic Poob grouping tactic, structured along organic lines and evolving without conscious direction. 2. The nuclear family unit, consisting of a mother, a father, and one or more children. 3. A suburb; most of America.

See Also

Auto-Colonialism

A doctrine espoused by Mazzistow Carrington decrying the Death of Everything, which posited that for the most part, people are responsible for their own enslavement. "Entertainment" is re-defined as Death or Something Else. Symptoms include excessive TV watching and a distrust of nature.

Carrington is preparing to reissue his seminal essays on the subject, re-tooled to explain the results of the 2004 U.S. Presidential Election.

See Also

autotelic (vap.) 1. Phenomena containing self-created anassociational auto-ascribed meaning; that which manufactures by its essense a closed circle of human understanding; furth. that which is its own end. 2. Thoughts which necessitate themselves, symbolically represented as an ouroboros. 3. The disconcerting fatalism of accidents which arrive pre-associated.

See Also

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