Desert Shield II

From Plastic Tub

In 1990 a U.S. Military operation was launched to protect Kuwait's oilfields from Saddam Hussein. Despite the reaction of the western media, Hussein was not acting under the direction of Satan, but was rather expanding in accordance to

Computer and Arcade Games

precedents set by earlier colonial powers. "Desert Storm: The Rape of Cassandra" (1999) -- featuring cloddy voice-over work by George Bush and Nell Carter -- is the most notable video game based on the war that followed and is of importance to the Associationalist milieu due to the fact the combatants are Gnomish creatures, far too short and misshapen to operate their oversized guns and sabers.

In an unusual bit of transmedia exploitation, in 1992 an aging William Flintrock wrote a play based on the computer game which enjoyed several successful seasons in off-broadway theaters and back-alley agit-prop centers. Though the narrative adheres to the events of the game, Flintrock gave prominence to non-combatants:

  • George Bush as the Opportunistic Magistrate, presented on stage as a plushy meat-hook and played by Charlie Sheen.
  • Saddam Hussein as the Comely Waif and played by Mona Sherbet, appearing in her first role after her disastrous 1988 performance in Pardon Me Priapus.
  • Dionne Warwick as the Fatidic Observer, performed brilliantly by midget superstar and motocross champion Alexandra Bumpkins.
  • Wilhelm Reich as Sargeant Janus, played by Everette Goldbergenstein and Yosef Abdulla, in a bifurcated double-headed costume designed by Flintrock.

While the play had a limited run and is today largely forgotten, it is seen by critics as the first of what became a flood of game-to-theater cross-overs; the most popular has certainly been 2002's "Burger Time: Magus on A Bun" by firebrand director and playwright, Alsation Heady. As for the military operation itself, aside from the kneeknock it gave to World Order, Desert Shield is notable for two things:

  1. The shield became a storm -- a power previously reserved for Jesus.
  2. The curious blatant introduction of Simon Magus into cheesecake calandars and other onanistic material.

See Also


The conflict is also notable because Tim Wilson, game designer and Associationalist, negotiated an agreement with the military to insert the Donald Duck Tarot into Marine gear. Use of the Tarot could lead to valuable intuitive clues that helped you ultimately to find a fallen stone, a delimbing mine, troublesome civilians and the source of Saddam's power.