Psychological Warfare

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Psychological Warfare (prop. n.) 1. Mind War 2. Conflict technique designed to impassion and confuse. 3. The deliberate manipulation of reality through the understanding and deployment of Associational technology.


The history of Psychological Operations, particularly when referred to as such, is often thought to extend little beyond the lurid confines of the Twentieth Century or perhaps by way of stone soup to the Napoleonic Wars of the middle Nineteenth. This contemporary notion betrays a hideous modern prejudice concerning previous human generations, especially those persons who had the joy to not only experience the birth and rapid vaporolution of psychological warfare, but rejects out of turn those talented invidivuals who devised and perfected the form before even the most lackluster modern theorist could jut his knobbed testiculars into the fray.

All Quite Frontish

Contemporaneous literature on the subject is rife with absurd and sweeping statements of dubious value. Written in a crabbed longhand along the margins of greater works, we find our most enlightening contributions.1  Here we enter the scintillating grottoes of endless hand-wringing: the desperate furrowing over Class-Importunation, the constant mamulations about Mystery Throbbing and Nephilicism, a distracting predilection for Deconstruction, sexual politics and finally, with agog-anewed grue, a wheezy-cheeked debate on the merits of studying the subject at all.

In such an environment then, it’s no surprise that the field is abed with amateur efforts of great zeal and preposterous theoretical haywires. Like arab rugs spilt upon by bottles of nipping chyme, pet theories abound in a noisome mezzanine peopled by post-modern paranoids, epistemological alchemists, ontological guerillas and goofballs of nearly all stripe. We are presented with a tiresome chore, cleaving the non-winking thread from the din, separating the chafe from the wheat. And we are easily exhausted.

Inevitably, the layman casts his fulsome eye elsewhere, helplessly bailing from the great dirigible of intellectual turds, so deeply purpled, hardly the purvey of minds so mercilessly occupied by the making of babies, the paying of electricity bills and the casting of storied glances through neighborhood windows - all that say, accomplished with the air of strapping youths sitting about with not a goddam thing to actually do.

At this mark, the venomous tank of psy-ops reveals a pregnant livery -- no mistake can be made; we witness across the histories of man an emptied galley abrim with intriguing baublery, each glinting ore-bit a newly minted diagemantic Node-Course, a vomiting clause of unknown length, of indeterminate value - an intellectual precoccupation that autotelicaly nibbles the linking-joint, snapping great flood lights into action, illuminating a field of inquiry curiously set against itself -- And yet if history would serve as tutor, the inheritors 2  laid out a song for us to follow and that song wheedles like a crazy bird, a soaring mast bound for elbow-folding triumphs, bedecked with smears and mind-slander, the oars of which are crafted from the material of bewitched minds, the musky pathing of opinion and the constant in-visible bending of the perceived.

To gather words, one would think that the very study of the subject has become victim of it’s virtues. The first casualty of the psy-op is earth-round monism, that soused up slattern, that admittedly curdled prerequisite, that necessary crib-rattle of further study - further study of the mind and all that it resembles.

No More Breton, I Promise

Though inveighment has been none-the-lacking in apprehending our subject there is cause for encouragement. Across the world, societies for the study of Psy-Ops are enjoying a popular vogue, reporting brisk t-shirt sales and increased mind-share, particulary the callous halfling of so-called youth culture. Tattoo parlours across Europe report staggering amounts of Yggrdrasil imprints, no doubt due to Beauregaurd Hammelstine's popular Psy-Revisionist novel, A Harpy Don’t Play.

Most experts in the subject, making passing mention of Roman eye-licking and the infamous candle-scoring of the Scythian tribesman, agree the evolution of the form occurred in the early portion of the last century, an epiphenomenal product of the industrialization of large-scale murder.

Contemporary philosophers such as Yrgrl Hyverbumm and Tanning Sprangle argue that the experience of existence itself is an invisible war conducted by the False Nose in an attempt to draw out the forces of the OverBeanery from it’s Pleromic Hidey-Hole. Creation itself is thus cast as not only a kind of cosmic slander operation, but a long term strategic psy-op enacted to cripple the human soul and to retake the upper reaches of the Soul-Pod. While this line of thinking may appear untenable to a crowd of toothless goobers, the swizzle-faced urban masses or to the pillow-biting Poobatrons who tirelessly vituperate against such research, it should be noted that such no less a person than Stimes Addisson himself once suggested that reality was a Molechian slander-operation aimed at discrediting the realm of pure thought. While not directly in accordance with Hyverbumm and Sprangle's thinking, Addisson’s proclamations on the matter betrays a fundamental affinity and thus infused early-stage Associationalism.

Carrion Cruller

It most likely occurred for the first time over a fresh kill, heaving headed bipeds clamoring over a carcass. One of these mongrels waved his axe madly about, screaming bloody murder. The implication to his fellows3  was clear: back the fuck away from the food or get a bloody good crack on the noggin.

Thus the threat of violence, rendered by non-physical means, became the worlds first psy-op.

A Corrective Measure

Perhaps the most famous of Associationalist psy-op, however, is the so-called Wheedling Incident, perpetrated in 1939 shortly after the fall of Paris to restless Germanic tribesmen. Following this alarming event, Associationalists as a whole were in fact very little alarmed, having predicted the event through the use of William Flintrock’s newly invented geloscope. The product of an entire afternoon’s grueling labor, the device was yet in the experimental stages when Alexandre Dacusse suggested plying it’s mysterious properties to the vexing problem of the War in Europe, as the conflict was then so quaintly known. Being himself very recently transplanted to New York from Paris, Dacusse perhaps felt especial urgency in regards to the future of the Gauls, though his diary entry from that day is remarkably banal:

"Had pancakes for breakfast. And lunch. And fucking dinner. Flintrock doesn’t cook anything else, at least when we’re visiting. I saw that he had meat in the icebox, and asparagus. Is he saving it for some special occasion? Verna and I walked in the garden, admiring William’s latest sculptures. One piece in particular, swelling ominously and titled “Europa” featured a schoolboy with his mouth open wide, force-fed rivers of porridge by a passenger ticket. A small donkey was suspended nearby, though we were unsure if the two shared a deliberate connection. I wonder how my family fares in France? Perhaps my Father will chide the Huns on their spelling."

Regardless, the gelescopic device was little understood by its inventor and its erstwhile handlers, it was yet a mystery as to the etiquette of querying, nonetheless of the interpretation of this curious oracle’s emanation, of posing a question, and even more perplexing, no know method of interpreting the results had yet arrived, had rarely proved so tragically accurate, and though it fell far short of prognosticating in the dire particulars, it’s prediction maintained a verity that startled everyone in attendance. After some appropriate hurly-burling, all assembled agreed that Flintrock put the geloscope into service of the British Empire, which though annoying what with it’s pasty faced disdain of agricultural work and constant grammatical correction of imported American literature, seemed to be the last great bulwark against the expansion of Fascist OverMarming.

Cruising For A Boozing

The ship was thus loaded with a most bizarre cargo in the early morning mists of San Francisco Harbor. An amusing anecdote told by Stimso Adid in a letter of that year to his mother bears repeating:

"Before even the sun has poked its noggin over the horizon, Stimes and I were there on the dock to meet the Oriental workers - whom he had insisted on hiring over the Irish and Poles who normally dominated such trade. He had explained this unusual preference to me at great length, with a shared and mounting amusment -- though frankly I cannot reminisce the meaning of it all,4  our conversation having occurred only hours previous, now clouded by our profound drunkenness. Little did we know, however, that the Oriental peoples, though enjoying a delightful heterogeny of culture and tradition, apparently share a violent fear of clowning both in it’s connotative and denotative forms."

They set sail for England that winter, hoping to avoid Hitler’s U-Boats by disguising itself as a commercial freighter, which for all intents and purposes it was, save for its curious cargo.

Though Addisson had thought of using the geloscope to craft an operation5  it was his friend Sordid Wheedling, a self-confessed "hobo and willy-nilled archon" who provided the interpretation indubitably held by all as the definitive statement. Thus the plan was shadily put in motion, under the direction of Flintrock, with Addisson placing is not inconsiderable talents of buffoonery and organization behind. Wheedling volunteered to personally boat the cargo to England, though this proved impractical in the extreme.

See Also

Non-Canonical Text

a result of the increasing centralization of government power and the rapid proliferation of electronic communication networks.
though Hegel most famously defined the art of psychological operations in elaborating his theory of the dialectic, the practice needn’t bend to such storied pedigree to celebrate origins.


Note 1:   No doubt, tubbers will in set plow to this fertile womb.

Note 2:   The Inheritors: concutameous with The Framers, known to those familiar with the literature.

Note 3:   In fairness to the current climate of pan-sexualism, it should be mentioned that the feminist author and international fellationist Fanny Stringen described the psychological operation’s invention thusly: "The Psy-Op was born in the mud of our four-legged ancestors, by the Mothers of our Species, long before war-making apes in epaulettes invented the term. It went like this ---- Want some spread? Then get me some fucking food. And some for the baby, too."

Note 4:   Later Stimso was to say: "I recall his having a love of spies which he held to be of largely European extraction, and contrarily thought to attract them to the scene with the rather unusual request of a pan-Sino loading team."

Note 5:   In the interests of clarity, please observe that the term bears but little relation to the phenomena of psychological medical operations, or psychic surgery, at least as performed by able practitioners with the goal of healing ailments. Further, though the subject is pregnant with relevant controversy and though psychic surgery patently violates a rigidly materialist view of the universe, it cannot be conventionally viewed as open psychological warfare on the dominant PoobTrend. Perhaps the reader will refer to Stimes Addisson’s 1965 "Stabbin’ Hat Revisited" for an exhaustive Associationalist survey of the subject, published, at least partially, in reaction to the previous year’s Accidentalist "Stabbin’ Hat" published by Stimso Adid and posing a remarkably contrarian view of the same subject.

Rub some  blood on a muslim and watch him freak out.
Rub some pig blood on a muslim and watch him freak out.

Fun Facts about Psychological Warfare

Pigs and Sex

Celtic warriors attacked their enemy adorned in nothing but blue paint.

The Assyrians not only terrorized the ancient world with thier impossible facial hair, they also dangled the heads of defeated foes from their elbows .

Hannibal spread psychological fear when he littered the footsteps of the Alps with leaflets depicting pachyderms raping the women of local villages.

Psychological Warfare and Culture

Most Third World countries do not fall for the hologram trick anymore.

White people will give up bits of freedom if attacked by Psychological Warfare.