Dr. Shitzby Bathworthy

From Plastic Tub

Foreign born, July 4, 1901, on the good ship Seize Her!. He hitches a ride with an unwitting sucker and unable to enter, his invitation is ruined. A seducer of youth, he receives what he grabs.

Balthazar Buehb's uncle from Tuscaloosa, Alabama, he sang like an angel and fried like a saint: he was electrocuted in Florida in 1999 for kidnapping, rape and Ritual Murder at the age of 99.

Doctors and Professors of Note

His adventures were legendary. He was ship's doctor aboard many ships in the Aliokrate fleet and whored his way across the Seven Seas. He is suspected to have been involved during this entire period in a ring of perversion so vile Buehb refused to even admit being related to the man.

He finally got his just deserts, however, when the adult sister of a young girl he had killed came forward in 1985 after seeing him in downtown Tampa, the scene of his crime some 30 years prior. Recognizing his distinctive tattoo of a dancing kumquat, she was then able to describe other tattoos that the police did indeed find inked across his back and chest.

The woman remains unidentified, but her story is horrific. Having escaped his clutches, she blamed herself for failing to save her sister. The life that followed was a boozy series of misfortunes that culminated in prostitution, drug addiction and numerous suicide attempts. She eventually found Jesus, like so many similar casualties, and managed to redeem her miserable youth by helping orphaned manatees.

Bathworthy never showed any remorse. His last words were: "I'm gonna die with my cock in God's mouth." Other cryptic remarks, which were never put onto the official record, are said to reveal Mormic loyalties.

Non-Canonical Text

The "patient" hung vertically so his vertebrae stretched out. When I saw the spinal cord exposed, it was like going to the moon. It was so pure. I knew I wanted to feel that awe over and over again. -- Bathworthy "in conversation" with police.


Overly fond of monkeys and despite rather lackadaise efforts, Dr. Bathworthy never owned one.