Newton Farnell Jameston

From Plastic Tub

Lovely and belated Professor of Snack Cake Refurbishing who died tragically in 1999. His revolutionary work resulted in both the DingDing and the "Choco Brand Milk Chocolate Bar."

A towering genius in the field, he followed a kind of gargantuan Bauhaus aesthetic and taught briefly at the infamous German School of Re-Design.

"Make it long and milky in the north. Give it a stubby (if not stubborn) aspect in the warmer climes. A cocoa wafer in the jungles is dandy. A jumbo-bar of soft rich chocolate in the north is the proper candy. I know I may sound like a terrible rime, but I speak the truth. Speers ( once proposed to airdrop chocolate bars the size of gold bricks onto Los Angeles. He knew a thing or two. Carcassonne was saved from a siege by the quick thinking of a maiden who catapulted a pig over the city walls. Thinking the city so rich in food that it could disdainfully waste such a precious resource, the attackers quit their cause and packed up their siege engines. The city was saved. And all because of a chocolate pig."

Debate continues to rage as to whether or not Jameston was a member of a Choco Cult. Although hired by the cult which marketed DingDings, evidence is inconclusive as to whether or not he was a participant in their wilder scheme to create a chocolate homunculus (Homuncul-os). Most scholars believe he was merely an unwitting ally, a researcher in it for "pure chocolate science"; a small but vocal minority, however, insist that he was on the inside.

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