Ostrich
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| Revision as of 21:10, 2 May 2005 Adkins (Talk | contribs) Desiderata ← Go to previous diff |
Current revision Payne (Talk | contribs) Steven Vogeler's Fun Facts '''®''' - link |
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| - | [[Category:Glossary]]'''Ostrich''' ''n.'' '''1.''' A comical and flightless bird originating in Africa, reaching a height of up to 2.5 metres and capable of running up to 65 km/h, it is farmed all over the world. '''2.''' A phantom of liberty. '''3.''' [[Gnome]] parlance for a Liberal. | + | [[Category:Glossary]] |
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| - | == Desiderata == | + | |
| - | :The Ostrich's "official" name, ''Struthio camelus'', means "sparrow camel." | + | |
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| - | [[Category:Glossary]]__NOTOC__ | + | |
| <table width="100%" border="0" align="right" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0"> | <table width="100%" border="0" align="right" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0"> | ||
| - | <tr><td width="*" align="left" valign="top"> '''pig''' ''n.'' '''1.''' Intelligent and succulent omnivore; domesticated swine. '''2.''' Yo mama. | + | <tr><td width="*" align="left" valign="top"> '''Ostrich''' ''n.'' '''1.''' A comical and flightless bird originating in Africa and sporting a [[prehensile]] neck. '''2.''' A phantom of liberty. '''3.''' [[Gnome]] parlance for a Liberal. |
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| - | == Usage == | + | |
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| - | ---- | + | |
| - | "Eat-in? More like a fucking facist ''pig''-out." | + | |
| - | :– an angry [[Addisson]], in an apparent misunderstanding of the [[Massive Dinner Send-Back]], 1955. | + | |
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| - | "What you talkin' 'bout, Wilbur?" | + | |
| - | :- Charlotte, while spinning her web. | + | |
| == Extrapolation == | == Extrapolation == | ||
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| - | Common usage and slang is generally extrapolated from the pig defined as a dirty animal and a tasty treat. A ''pig skin'', for example, is tasty. A ''pig-in-a-blanket'', is not what you want to wake up next to. | + | Like a quaking ostrich, sir, you stick your [[head]] in the sand and freeze. It's the broken logic of a frightened child, the fallacy of denial. If I cannot see you, surely you cannot see me? If I ignore you, surely you are gone? ''When I was a foolish child, I did foolish and childish things, but when I became a man, I put away childish things''. |
| - | The AA totem pig was famously aped by William Golding in ''Lord of the Flies''; it's origin, however, is unclear. [[Gnome]] [[psy-ops]] tried to link it to claims of Jew-baiting, but this is doubtful. | + | Are we not men? Must we cower, our heads buried, our [[hand]]s en[[glove]]d? No matter -- or rather, '''''yes''''' matter, for objects do not lose their substance just because our gloved hands do not feel them. Like a gun to the ostrich, a blow to the head will convince you that heft exists independently of your heaving. Make no mistake: an [[Fallen stone|unseen stone]] exists, and when it is released, it will knock some sense into your [[Unopened head|unopened head]], sir -- whether you see it coming or not, poor blind fool that you are. |
| - | == Non Canonical Text == | + | ''You can hide, but you cannot run!'' Jesus is coming! For the act of hiding does '''not''' destroy, and in revealing ''we do not create''. The Exodus from the Garden of Eden did not undo the Genesis of its creation--as Revelations so plainly un[[veil]]s. And so Solomon's Temple was not destroyed: it may have been lain to rest and hidden from sight, but, like the body of our Lord, three days entombed, ''it will rise again''--revealing all to you blind lost souls wandering in sin. ''Repent, sinner, for the end is nigh.'' -- unsigned Letter to the Editor of ''Atheist Weekly''. March 2, 1972. |
| - | ---- | + | "''Let he who is without sin cast the first stone, brother.''" -- reply from Editor. |
| - | Civilization owes a curiously underappreciated debt to the pig. The domestication of wild boar seems to go hand-in-hand with the transition from hunting and gathering societies to more sedentary agricultural communities. | + | |
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| - | Of particular note to Western Civilization is the ancient Euro-Aegean custom of offering pigs to the Mother-goddess, who took the form of Demeter to the Greeks. | + | |
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| - | The sacrificial pig of the pre-Christian initiation ceremonies of the Eleusinian Mysteries was only a step away from the sacrifical lamb of Christian mythology. | + | |
| == See Also == | == See Also == | ||
| ---- | ---- | ||
| - | *[[Dewey Rose]] | + | {{Template:Birds}} |
| - | *[[The Worship of Tits]] | + | {{Template:Bipeds}} |
| - | *[[Goat]] | + | |
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| </td> | </td> | ||
| <td width="180px" align="left" valign="top" bgcolor="#CCCCCC" style="margin: 0 0 1em 1em; background: #E0E0E0; border: 1px #aaa solid; border-collapse: collapse; font-size: 100%;"> | <td width="180px" align="left" valign="top" bgcolor="#CCCCCC" style="margin: 0 0 1em 1em; background: #E0E0E0; border: 1px #aaa solid; border-collapse: collapse; font-size: 100%;"> | ||
| - | [[Image:Pig.jpg|thumb|center|Yo Mama.]] | + | == Steven Vogeler's Fun Facts '''®'''== |
| - | == Desiderata == | + | |
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| - | <font style="font-size: 92%"> | + | <font style="font-size: 90%"> |
| - | ''Raw mountain oysters smell'' remarkably like truffles. | + | The Ostrich's "official" name, ''Struthio camelus'', means "sparrow [[camel]]." |
| - | ''Boars ejaculate a pint'' of semen during half-hour long orgasms. | + | The world's largest bird, it can reach a height of up to 2.5 metres and is capable of running up to 65 km/h. |
| - | A boar with no testicles is called a ''barrow''. | + | The Ostrich is farmed all over the world and its meat makes for an excellent [[BBQ]]. |
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| + | "An ostrich's [[eye]] is [[great quantity|larger than it capacity]] to love." -- ''[http://www.mcsweeneys.net/2000/02/18halftruths.html McSweeny's Worldwide Fondness.]'' | ||
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| + | [[Steven Adkins]]' face was scarred by an ostrich while on assignment in Africa. | ||
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| + | ''The delicate chirp'' of the ostrich belies the heady girth of the beast. | ||
| </font> | </font> | ||
| </td> | </td> | ||
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| </table> | </table> | ||
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| - | == See Also == | ||
| - | *[[Owl]] | ||
Current revision
| Ostrich n. 1. A comical and flightless bird originating in Africa and sporting a prehensile neck. 2. A phantom of liberty. 3. Gnome parlance for a Liberal.
[edit] ExtrapolationLike a quaking ostrich, sir, you stick your head in the sand and freeze. It's the broken logic of a frightened child, the fallacy of denial. If I cannot see you, surely you cannot see me? If I ignore you, surely you are gone? When I was a foolish child, I did foolish and childish things, but when I became a man, I put away childish things. Are we not men? Must we cower, our heads buried, our hands engloved? No matter -- or rather, yes matter, for objects do not lose their substance just because our gloved hands do not feel them. Like a gun to the ostrich, a blow to the head will convince you that heft exists independently of your heaving. Make no mistake: an unseen stone exists, and when it is released, it will knock some sense into your unopened head, sir -- whether you see it coming or not, poor blind fool that you are. You can hide, but you cannot run! Jesus is coming! For the act of hiding does not destroy, and in revealing we do not create. The Exodus from the Garden of Eden did not undo the Genesis of its creation--as Revelations so plainly unveils. And so Solomon's Temple was not destroyed: it may have been lain to rest and hidden from sight, but, like the body of our Lord, three days entombed, it will rise again--revealing all to you blind lost souls wandering in sin. Repent, sinner, for the end is nigh. -- unsigned Letter to the Editor of Atheist Weekly. March 2, 1972. "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone, brother." -- reply from Editor. [edit] See Also
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[edit] Steven Vogeler's Fun Facts ®The Ostrich's "official" name, Struthio camelus, means "sparrow camel." The world's largest bird, it can reach a height of up to 2.5 metres and is capable of running up to 65 km/h. The Ostrich is farmed all over the world and its meat makes for an excellent BBQ. "An ostrich's eye is larger than it capacity to love." -- McSweeny's Worldwide Fondness. (http://www.mcsweeneys.net/2000/02/18halftruths.html) Steven Adkins' face was scarred by an ostrich while on assignment in Africa. The delicate chirp of the ostrich belies the heady girth of the beast. |
