From Plastic Tub

Ostrich n. 1. A comical and flightless bird originating in Africa and sporting a prehensile neck. 2. A phantom of liberty. 3. Gnome parlance for a Liberal.


Like a quaking ostrich, sir, you stick your head in the sand and freeze. It's the broken logic of a frightened child, the fallacy of denial. If I cannot see you, surely you cannot see me? If I ignore you, surely you are gone? When I was a foolish child, I did foolish and childish things, but when I became a man, I put away childish things.

Are we not men? Must we cower, our heads buried, our hands engloved? No matter -- or rather, yes matter, for objects do not lose their substance just because our gloved hands do not feel them. Like a gun to the ostrich, a blow to the head will convince you that heft exists independently of your heaving. Make no mistake: an unseen stone exists, and when it is released, it will knock some sense into your unopened head, sir -- whether you see it coming or not, poor blind fool that you are.

You can hide, but you cannot run! Jesus is coming! For the act of hiding does not destroy, and in revealing we do not create. The Exodus from the Garden of Eden did not undo the Genesis of its creation--as Revelations so plainly unveils. And so Solomon's Temple was not destroyed: it may have been lain to rest and hidden from sight, but, like the body of our Lord, three days entombed, it will rise again--revealing all to you blind lost souls wandering in sin. Repent, sinner, for the end is nigh. -- unsigned Letter to the Editor of Atheist Weekly. March 2, 1972.

"Let he who is without sin cast the first stone, brother." -- reply from Editor.

See Also

Notable Bird Species and Related Erratum

Bipedal Creatures Populating the Tub

Steven Vogeler's Fun Facts ®

The Ostrich's "official" name, Struthio camelus, means "sparrow camel."

The world's largest bird, it can reach a height of up to 2.5 metres and is capable of running up to 65 km/h.

The Ostrich is farmed all over the world and its meat makes for an excellent BBQ.

"An ostrich's eye is larger than it capacity to love." -- McSweeny's Worldwide Fondness. (http://www.mcsweeneys.net/2000/02/18halftruths.html)

Steven Adkins' face was scarred by an ostrich while on assignment in Africa.

The delicate chirp of the ostrich belies the heady girth of the beast.