Florida

Danglin' off the mainland like a donkey's cock, with the Keys slowly dribbling off into the Caribbean: Florida's no stranger to bad freakiness. An elaborate electronical modeling by Cal State showed that if 27 hitchhikers were scattered across the continent and set to randomly thumbing about the US, they'd all end up bouncin' through Florida in under 27 months flat. Sounds like a steamy load of horse shit to us, but who the hell wants to argue stats with Cal State? We've gotta admit, though, that circumstantial evidence points to many a poor soul lost in the Southern-most state. See, for example, the strange tale of Kevin Statham--where are you, mate? More tales abound in the Tub, where we find interest in Florida as the home to:

• Encephalitus City, the vicious cross roads of Speed Ray and Chrystal Kelp
• Tampa, that seedy home of the seedier Harbor Club and the seediest of Mom Jokes, not to mention that powder keg we coyly call The Second Advance
• Alpha Chimp, which released the blazingly hot funk and spoken word of Johnny Cake
• Easton W. Wunderkidd's plot, Sandra Day's brains and Dr. Shitzby Bathworthy's charred hide
• Geomachy incarnate, as she saddles the western rim of the Bermuda Triangle with a curdle of white sands

See Also

• Bending Denim
• Bruce
• Manatee

Desiderata