Speed Ray

From Plastic Tub

He comes busting in through a paper-covered hoop on a peanut oil-powered motorcycle. He is half-fish and thus receives a pair of onyx wire-cutters.

Now 37, at 17 Robert aka "Bobby" aka "Speed" Ray was drugged and raped by an unemployed fortune teller improbably named Chrystal Kelp in Encephalitus City, Florida. In the subsequent highly-publicized trial, Ray destroyed his chance for justice when he appeared on the stand babbling distractedly and leering at the female jurors. He turned out to be stoned.

As a result of his boyish good looks, Ray appeared briefly in the locally-produced soap opera Hot Nights (as "Wild Willy Raines" from 1986-87), notable to AA fans because Stimes Addisson once made a cameo appearance on the series as "Kyle Raines," Ray's estranged father. Addisson was a friend of the head writer, a failed Associationalist poet who is always credited as Barney Piles but whose real name is Barnabas Kearney Jr..

Until recently, he continued to make a living as a motocross racer. As a nod to Addisson, who Ray "really dug," his helmet bore the Double Stimes brand. He is now in semi-retirement, dividing his time between acting in locally-produced TV commercials and acting as MC for various tractor pulls, chili cook-offs and demolition derbies.