Hand Pants
From Plastic Tub
hand pants q. 1. A covering devised of flax, designed primarily to secure the fingers -- at least in so much as they can be collectively be referred to as a hand; euph. pants for hands. 2. A mastation gloomy, kind of like passing shadows, etc: perfected in Victorian England, exported shortly, and lately trumpeted by Steven Adkins; though lately his fame cast a largely conservative shadow, it manifests nonetheless in sprangled star-panted contact with foreign interests, gnomically rolling and diffuse entirely, consumed with a vapor --- fuming mad perhaps, ever-conncetrated, crossing immense and material fingers.
Desiderata
- Hand pants saved the Earth from barbarism, say most religious leaders.
- Alfred Bester was known to sport a sequined glove at AA parties.
- Guvernor Morris, tramautized by the death of a family friend in a vicious duel, developed a severe glove phobia. Having seen said friend slapped across the face with a black glove by a masked challenger demanding "satisfaction," he developed in his child's mind the idea that it was the glove which killed his friend. In his sonnets, especially On this stuff called Poop, gloves are Associated with Death and masks become "fingerless face gloves".
- The Hand Pants were a short-lived Beta Chimp band comprised of the original Tingles.
