Easton W. Wunderkidd

Born May 5, 1924 in Topeka, Kansas. Died June 30, 1993 in Sarasota, Florida. He arrives through a thin reed used for breathing underwater. He is a trollop-ant. He receives a five-hectare plot of fertile land.

Biographer and rare book collector, topographical cartographer, journeyman luthier, experimental composer, and expert gray-tone matcher. Most famous for his 3-volume biography of Christopher Andrews Stephenson III, The Darling of the Crowd. Colour-blind from birth, his services as a human Anti-aliasing (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anti-aliasing) machine provided him with plentiful work in both the modern fields of optics and Quantum Ethics. He is famous for the short poem "I did(n't) do(ne) her(,sh3)her."

Average Joe

His incredible ability to simulate in numbers a two-tone, 3-D image of a subject in his mind and determine evident truths from that data made his career seem like child's play. In later years he would visualize the true personality of a subject and quickly take advantage, fulfilling his many lusts in the redlight gambling districts of major European cities. After some time he became a Master of Disguises. In Moscow, 1988 he was almost raped by a drunk whilst disguised as a "floozy." (Floozy was Disguise 12 in his infamous treatise). Average being relative, some accused him of homosexuality.

Language Trouble

Successfully translating German Poet Yon Milhaus' Seminal work -- 1967's "Life Alphabetically" -- he returned to the field of cartography, where he became familiar with the infamous maritime-critic/renegade cartographer A.W. Slippers. Wunderkidd became increasingly more esoteric and continued to satisfy his thirst for arcane knowledge by touring supposed holy sites around the globe. His ingnomious departure from a briefly-held a teaching post at the German School of Re-Design in Costa Rica led him to his post at the now infamous South American Adventures Of 1948. In San Luis Potosi, Mexico that year he made the acquaintance of Creatine Panderbox.

Known Works

• The Luscious Sequitor, a biography of Creatine Panderbox
• How to make yourself look like a turd, a treatise on the art of disguise
• A Tree Falls in the Woods, a collection of short experimental compositions.
• Desire and the Dawn of Civilization, a compendium of ancient texts important because Easton Edmund Wunderkidd says so; a show of unsurpassable translation.
• Depression and the Second Drink before Noon, a further compendium of ancient texts and the history of self medication in histrio-darwinistic terms.

See Also

• Ritual shoplifting

Desiderata

Wunderkidd won the International Spelling Bee in 1934 by correctly spelling the word "autocthonic."

His penis was of a carrot-orange hue and bore a precarious curve. He called it "the ram's lonely horn" and sang it to sleep at night. A college roommate once called him mad but in a later interview recanted: "I think he was just lonely." (Igloo, 2003)

The precocious Wunderkid was six-foot tall and driving -- by sixth grade!

His missing right ring finger was lost to a pirahna in 1948.