Depression and the Second Drink before Noon

From Plastic Tub

Table of contents

Fragment 1

Jose was explaining his theories on baggy pants and post villagement when Pedro came sauntering into the Lawgivers hacienda, all idealistic and strong of chin. He was immediatley taken down by some of the Lawgivers thugs. The beer lobby had gotten to Jose like a moth gets to a whores match and he remained flaccid, inactive. Call me square if you like but if you looked at that kid with an expert eye, you could see the fear of Mordechi in his eye.

The dust settled with no eyes blackned and no nose broken. In the back alley Pedro took his place at Joses arm, belittled, humiliated. Jose felt it his duty to uplift the spirit of his young servant and did rightly so with a bit of his bounty as a bought off politician of the beer lobby. Jose was enthralled with Pedro's bawdry renditions of patty-cake. They consumed much beer and pontificated upon the idea of the handshake and debated the idea of the secret handshake which was also being considered by the committee of advanced villagement. Jose fed the young lad a breakfast burrito and escorted him back to his lean-to where the sun rose once again on the dawn of post-postvillagement.

Fragment 5.6

Pedro witnessed from the cliffs the caravan as it was swallowed whole by a giant sinkhole upon the dunes. He heard the cries of the crew and passengers sinking beneath an ocean of sand with all thier libraries and gold. He inveighed against the injustice of Marduk.

“But what of Providence?” he loudly demanded. Pedro wondered aloud what kind of monothiestic god would allow so many innocent persons to perish. As he was indulging in these reflections, he found himself surrounded by a battalion of the most respected and feared of Ants, upon whose nest he was standing. More than one of them climbed up and stung him, and he immediately poisoned the perimeter of the nest and set it ablaze. Pedro then methodicaly trampled each one of the fleeing ants to death with his foot.

Hermes Tri-Magestis himself presented himself, and striking Pedro with his wand, said, "How quickly you make yourself a judge of the dealings of Providence, who hast thyself in a more sinister manner treated these poor Ants and thier magnificent home?'

Pedro, who was now cowering behind a bush were his donkey had just relieved himself, was further insulted and threatened with curse by Hermes Tri-Magestis. Pedro bowed before the mercurial god and hid his face in the sand and begged for forgiveness until the sun was well set. Pedro returned to his dwelling and quietly consumed his lamb chalupa.

Fragment 6.1

Jose was traveling on an ancient trading route far into the desert one night when he found himself lost. Fortunantley he came upon a Jinjii under the full moon dancing on a sea of sand, as is thier custom. He made aquaintence with the Jinjii and told him of his plight and the Jinjii being wise and understanding agreed to shelter Jose for the night and then lead him back to the ancient trading route of which he had become lost.

The night had become cold and Jose warmed his hands by blowing upon them. The Jinjii inquired what kind of ritual or magick was behind his blowing upon his hands. Jose replied that he was simply blowing upon his hands to keep them warm. The Jinjii said nothing and continued to lead his guest through the dunes to his magical lair where they would dine on a wonderfull meal of veal parmegian with a red sauce and lots of garlic bread.

After they had settled into the Jinjii’s magical lair and had enjoyed a few thimbles of absinthe the Jinjii prepared the wonderfull meal as only a Jinjii could. Jose, his veal expertly arranged upon his fork, found the morsel a bit too hot began to blow upon it to cool it off. The Jinjii looked at Jose oddly and enquired what was the reason behind this ritual or magical act of blowing upon ones food. Jose replied that he was simply blowing upon it to cool it off. The Jinjii was suddenly in an uproar and grabbing Jose by his beard defenestrated him while saying that anyman who can blow both hot air and cold air out of the same mouth is never welcome in the Lair of a Jinjii.

Jose fled into the night and hid behind the dunes unti the morning light when he agin began his quest.Jose was several days late to his appointment with the counsel and subsequently lost his bid and would not become a contracter on the new architectual projects planned by the Pharoah.. He returned home on the traditional trade routes and kept a wary eye for any Jinjii.

Non-Canonical Text

ApotheoFragment 9a

Surely this will pass, he willed. His muscles, by incendiary proxy, obeyed and brick bent over like silk buttons.

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