From Plastic Tub

umbrella n. 1. Portable shelter usually fashioned in the form of a circular canopy. 2. Any overreaching authority that encompasses many facets, i.e. a corporation. 3. An instrument of camouflage or masquerade. 4. Symbolic elemental employed by rogue priests to save a chosen child from Molechian immolation.


The umbrella is a fascinating historical item. From the time of its its genesis on the shores of the fecund Tigris until its suspicious use in the O'Donnely murder, this humble object has withstood the test of time. Common price-gauging by the umbrella vendor at storm's break attests to the economical influence of need. It is not merely a bit odd that the word "umbrella" in its myriad forms--the parisol and the parapluie of the French, the brolly and ombrio of the British and the Italian--has a sinister origin. Umbra is the latin word for ghost ... [text missing] ...

Theorists of the inverted parasol generally fall into one of two camps.

1. Inverted umbrellas were initially employed for use in the various forms of impalement involved in Chemosh of Moab rituals until certain priests, either genuinely desperate about this cruel lottery or bought with bribes by frightened parents, sought to refashion some of the rituals to occasionally free one of the sacrificial infants and prepare him for a life of leadership. The rush of the Minoan calender reform of 2912 B.C. added 27 new sacrifices to the annual schedule, much to the dismay of the by then somewhat-organized tribesman (see Theseus Mantos' Calender challenges and dialogues of descent). The elders recognized it as less of a move to please the Molechian altar than one of political expediency. It is of little wonder that this violent ritual would find itself under constant attack from within and was constantly being maintaned by a priesthood growing distant with each seasonal performance. Under dire circumstances caused by famine and war the priesthood would often find themselves at odds with the general populace. The priests stonewalled and entagled the elders with layers of red tape and middle-management incompetence and thus further excused themselves from responsibility by off-handedly creating the white-collar trade of lawyerhood and his poobian partner the lobby darling. Etymologists will find a wealth of coincidence in the relationships of the many different and seemingly disparate lexicons obfuscating their power plays through the distance language of bureaucracy and elitism.
2. Until the rise of the Bureaucratic monarchies of the first half of the second millenium B.C., evidence suggests that the Cretan states had championed the least-distorted version of Molechian sacrifice. Cretan and Isreali topheths--graveyards where infanticidal ashes were placed in urns--have been found to contain excellent artwork depicting the umbrella both as a symbol of impalement (parosolis) and as a net or receptacle (parabola). The reliefs also add a layer of complexity due to their rich economy of imagery usually attributed to the Babylonian god Nut (Nuit). This evidence as well as the bronze ovens of the Himmonon Valley have confirmed the migration of the philosophy of the child set aside. Philaneus suggests that many threads of this movement spread through out the Middle East and the western end of the Mediterrenean, especially Crete and Minoa. A wealthy amount of evidence supports the theory that Molechian cults were so prevalent that even the Yahweh cults found a need to dabble (circa 736-720 B.C.).

See Also