John P. Pumperwissel

From Plastic Tub

Chamber music afficionado and Cultural Philanthropist as well as celebrated lawyer of Xenophon Aliokrate, a bitter business rival of Cappy Trowbridge. Cappy once humiliated Pumperwissel and his partner by hijacking their boat, the Snow Troll, on Lake Erie after a post-fundraiser soiree for the German School of Re-Design. Although extremely feminine, he struck fear into many not only by his mysterious blend of connection and refinement but also his extreme bitterness lightly veiled by his ambitious acquisition of exquisite objects and his sinister and unwavering ability to satisfy his clients. That and his bodyguards.

Pumperwissel was genial yet ruthless and loathed the AA after they appropriated one of his splendid pantsuits for use in the rituals employed on the Feast Day of Pietri Biberoni. Although he fancied Masonic Aprons and often jested about his collection of classified undergarments, it is very unlikely he worshipped Mormo. He was almost certainly in The League of Gnomes but most research leads to a labyrinth of legal obfuscation. In 1975, after polishing off a fat pile of flapjacks at O'Donnely's Ribhouse and Honkytonk, Pumperwissel stepped into the men's room and never stepped out. He was never seen in North American again. Although "officially retired" and in quasi-self-exile, his lusts for antiques and well-tanned boys sometimes betray his anonymity.


Pumperwissel was an orphan, and knew only that parents had green eyes.

Pumperwissel's penchant for pecan pie was sight to behold.