Cappy Trowbridge

From Plastic Tub

Born 1930, in Perth, Scotland. Exact date unknown. 1930. He comes into the room falling down drunk fucking simultaneously seven species of known life. He is a monkey. He receives: a new tongue.

Scrappy Cappy was born in abject poverty but became, in addition to the hardest-drinking of the AA group, a shipping magnate. It was he who funded Wee-Wee and he who organized the revenge plot after its destruction. He now lives in Townsville, Australia, with a 17-year old Japanese boy he calls "Koko." He was also a painter but gave it up for more elaborate hijinks.

His most famous exhibition involved a high-jacked sail boat on Lake Erie. Wearing nothing but a tartan head band and his legendary 10-incher a-dangle, he jumped from a jet ski onto the 45-footer of one Mr. John P. Pumperwissel, Esq., and to the shock of his shaken family, demanded passage to Cuba for a good cigar in the back of a '57 Chevy.

He got no real prison time for it because Pumperwissel was a good sport and after he got over his embolism, had the charges of piracy, kidnapping and attempted murder dropped in favor of public exposure, 30 days, time served.

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Cappy could enumerate pi to the two-hundreth place using only his remaining digits.