Order of the Golden West

Spinoff of the Order of the Wrinkling Lid founded on July 4, 1986, by Cornelius P. Buttercup, a notorious huckster, bean-counter and scal-a-wag from the Bronx.

Purpose: Celebration of cowboy lore and by proxy, Western Civilization itself.

Three grades were known to exist: Dude, aka Greenhorn; Cowpoke, aka Cowpunch; and True Cowboy. Ritual garb included chaps and Stetson hats; ritual activities included roping nude women and consuming enormous quantities of steak and/or BBQ.

Members identified one another via secretive body posturing, toe taps, and various other "furtive gestures." John Schlesinger's Midnight Cowboy mocked several Greenhorn-grade posturings during the early scenes where Jon Voight tries to protitute himself. The opening line ("Whoopee-tee-yi-yo!") is also rumored to be a veiled reference to Golden West initiation ceremonies.

The Order is known to operate several steakhouses throughout the American West, where they offer diners a chance to win a free meal--if he (or she) can eat it. A 72 oz. steak and a baked potato are placed before the would-be recipient and a clock is set. If the hopeful can finish both within an hour, the meal is free. If not, the meal must be paid for at a hefty price as befitting four and a half pounds of meat!

Independent observers speculate that winners are contacted as potential Dudes, while losers simply help finance the Order's many activities; spurs, after all, can be quite expensive.

Although he officially denied it, Louis L'Amour was said to be a particularly ardent underground member especially adept at twirling pistols on his index fingers.

See Also

• O'Donnely's Ribhouse and Honkytonk

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