Michael Jackson

From Plastic Tub

Despite his freaky penchant for disturbing physical manipulation, Michael holds a place dear in many an AA'ers heart for his logic-be-damned forays into the future. Much has been written about this man, from the Gnostic implications of his body rejection to the extreme sacrifice for art and personal fulfillment he is widely perceived to have undertaken.

Guileless Maccabee has recently been the subject of a vicious slander operation for having alleged that Jackson has long been the victim of a group of Taratologists operating under the aegis of the League of Gnomes. The incidences of questionable behavior with children are numerous, but whether Jackson himself was actually involved is questionable. Maccabee cites unnamed sources which describe a "Second Jackson", or doppelganger, which was employed while the real Jackson lay in a drug-induced stupor. Kids were plied with wine and porn -- and sitting about in one's undies was considered de rigeur for the elfin slumber parties perpetuated presumably for the kind of perverse activity Gnomes are known for, always with an ulterior motive.

The Jackson we see, says Maccabee, is not the man who held the nation in thrall with his moonwalk and sequined glove, but a "golem-clone in an obvious state of decomposition." Why Jackson was chosen, one presumes, is that his already pronounced "Peter Panism" and other eccentricities made him the perfect camouflage which would allow the real fiends to remain undetected.

Non-Canonical Text

"So, is it possible that Michael Jackson -- known for eccentric behavior beyond the pale -- was an innocent who was extorted by evil-doers? Maybe the answers aren't that clear. Twenty years ago, Michael Jackson was recognizably human. There will undoubtedly be more to come shortly." -- Fox News, 2/17/2003.

See Also


Neverland Ranch was allegedly inspired by Wee-Wee.

Jackson collects the obscure: he owns a chimp for a pet and every song recorded by the Beatles and holds the hermetically- sealed bones of John Merrick, a.k.a., the Elephant Man.

No one was ever certain what MJ made of Alfred Bester's glove.