Hand Pants

From Plastic Tub

hand pants q. 1. A glove. 2. A masturbatory manoeuvre perfected in Victorian England.

Desiderata

Alfred Bester was known to sport a sequined glove at AA parties.

Guvernor Morris, tramautized by the death of a family friend in a vicious duel, developed a severe glove phobia. Having seen said friend slapped across the face with a black glove by a masked challenger demanding "satisfaction," he developed in his child's mind the idea that it was the glove which killed his friend. In his sonnets, especially On this stuff called Poop, gloves are Associated with Death and masks become "fingerless face gloves".

The Hand Pants were a short-lived Beta Chimp band comprised of the original Tingles.