Flambini Lamenti

From Plastic Tub

Born 1759 Chieti Italy, Died 1822 Rome Italy. He arrives bourne amongst nebulous fanfare and stage smoke. He is a petri dish. He receives a chrysanthemum dipped in chocolate, frosted with courage.

Cards and Letters Babe

In 1777 Flambini Lamenti dazzled the opera houses of Italy with his hairdo and masterful violin technique. He was instantly famous and gathered quite an entourage whom he led on alcohol-fueled

Those Musical Italians

melees through the slums of the cities where they traveled. His more Bawdy Operas are based loosely on events of this particular time. His entourage became increasingly more aristocratic with a particularaly evil bent. As members were replaced by better-connected newcomers, those who were cast aside often rallied together to cause further drama. His ability to hypnotise women became a risky marketing tool that without the aide of several bodygaurds, Falmbini would surely have met his match at the hands of many a disgruntled husband. It is of no wonder that he created so many enemies on his way.

Electric Suit

Many of the opera houses that relied on him for their survival often had to struggle to reach his great demands,

Beware: Syphilis Victims in the Tub

which came to include adding lengthy musical interludes to performances, usually having little to do with the style or theme of the opera for which he had been commissioned. Although he would wow his audiences with his "pyrotechnical" skills, the interludes detracted from the final acts of the opera by bringing total performance times to upwards of six hours. Musicians and composers disliked working with him and were quite outspoken until some of Lamenti's entourage left the string section short a viola one evening during a performance of the Paolo Grignotti piece, The Pancakes of Pan.

Andante Mainline

Following a performance of Grigonotti's Pubinella in London in 1783, a "blindly drunk" young William Blake (b.1757) introduced a mystic fever that profoundly transformed Lamenti's understanding his role in the Great Work. Newly energized and claiming powers of persuasion, Lamenti became a pedagogical proselytizer of Secret Mysteries. His endless intake of poppy destroyed his marriage, but produced some of the most enduring works of symphonic art mankind has ever known.

Limericks From the Bathroom Walls

Young Lamenti's gargantuan cock
Was a familiar sight with the flock
He'd stick in his weinie
Shout "I am Flambini!"
Enjoying shepards' awe and shock

It was during this phase that Lamenti, now experimenting more with his newfound voice as a divine librettist created his most memorable works. Although he was forced to give up the violin due to what doctors now describe as carpal tunnel syndrome, Lamenti continued defining a sound that would soon be considered maladroit in the wake of the cultural damage that was to become Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart.

White Album

Lamenti gave up the stage and worked primarily as composer in residence in many universities around Europe, where he continued his well-rehearsed brand of charismatic manipulation and refined his overt style of seduction. By 1800 he had collected a compendium of accomplishments in diary form that he wished to publish before his untimely death from syphilis in Rome (1822), where he was scheduled to have a Vatican Breakfast with Pope Pius VII.