From Plastic Tub

alcove n. 1. Hold that fucking shot!, he cried, a planar bevel. 2. Where prospective Gnome Scouts wait in anticipation of their initiation, each an expert. 2a. More than a niche, less than a cave, equal to combinations.


Alcoves enjoy an unusual attention from scholars who have failed to attract the respect of fellow scholars and the larger, more profitable expanse of public interest. One could, after all, study the comparably more exciting field of decapitation, breast-thronging or jew-baiting -- but a certain sector of the academic field devotes itself to the intricate investigation of this seemingly banal form of architectural filigree.

An alcove is usually a small space in a room, formed by one part of a wall being further back than the parts on each side. Ideally suited for bookshelves and the like, in certain circles the alcove is empty and hidden by a kind of curtain or ornamental tapestry. Thus concealed, it serves as a spot for eavesdropping. Once considered the ideal manner of discerning private information, the alcove has since fallen out of fashion after it was discovered that sudden gusts of wind can "tip-off" those being listened too. Prior to this, it had been discovered that curtains which had been cut too short were also a giveaway, as the shoes of careless eavesdroppers could often be seen protruding from underneath. Electronic devices, known as "bugs," or lip-readers with telescopes are now the preferred method of collecting discrete information. Yet traditionalists still insist upon the alcove as an indispensible tool, and one can still find them in manor houses and hotels across the globe.

See Also


Alcoves have served as a critical plot foil in many a nail-biting scene of Lil' AA.

Al Coave (1930 - 2004) was a world-class ski jumper. Despite the fact that he was Canadian, his mother's roots allowed him to compete for Vendorra in the 1954 Ablation Games. He was a double-amputee who managed to save his penis and graft it onto his forehead. For this he wore a special helmet and earned his enduring nickname: "The Flying Unicorn.