Cappy Trowbridge

Born 1930, in Perth, Scotland. Exact date unknown. 1930. He comes into the room falling down drunk fucking simultaneously seven species of known life. He is a monkey. He receives: a new tongue.

Scrappy Cappy was born in abject poverty but became, in addition to the hardest-drinking of the AA group, a shipping magnate. It was he who funded Wee-Wee and he who organized the revenge plot after its destruction. He now lives in Townsville, Australia, with a 17-year old Japanese boy he calls "Koko." He was also a painter but gave it up for more elaborate hijinks.

His most famous exhibition involved a high-jacked sail boat on Lake Erie. Wearing nothing but a tartan head band and his legendary 10-incher a-dangle, he jumped from a jet ski onto the 45-footer of one Mr. John P. Pumperwissel, Esq., and to the shock of his shaken family, demanded passage to Cuba for a good cigar in the back of a '57 Chevy.

He got no real prison time for it because Pumperwissel was a good sport and after he got over his embolism, had the charges of piracy, kidnapping and attempted murder dropped in favor of public exposure, 30 days, time served.

Known Works

• Arrest This!
• Bugger My Frustrations
• Ectomorph Shock and Piss Parade

See Also

• Copernicus Trowbridge

Desiderata

Cappy could enumerate pi to the two-hundreth place using only his remaining digits.