Order of the Golden West

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Spinoff of the Order of the Wrinkling Lid founded on July 4, 1986, by Cornelius P. Buttercup, a notorious huckster, bean-counter and scal-a-wag from the Bronx.

Purpose: Celebration of cowboy lore and by proxy, Western Civilization itself.

Three grades were known to exist: Dude, aka Greenhorn; Cowpoke, aka Cowpunch; and True Cowboy. Ritual garb included chaps and Stetson hats; ritual activities included roping nude women and consuming enormous quantities of steak and/or BBQ.

Members identified one another via secretive body posturing, toe taps, and various other "furtive gestures." John Schlesinger's Midnight Cowboy mocked several Greenhorn-grade posturings during the early scenes where Jon Voight tries to protitute himself. The opening line ("Whoopee-tee-yi-yo!") is also rumored to be a veiled reference to Golden West initiation ceremonies.

The Order is known to operate several steakhouses throughout the American West, where they offer diners a chance to win a free meal--if he (or she) can eat it. A 72 oz. steak and a baked potato are placed before the would-be recipient and a clock is set. If the hopeful can finish both within an hour, the meal is free. If not, the meal must be paid for at a hefty price as befitting four and a half pounds of meat!

Independent observers speculate that winners are contacted as potential Dudes, while losers simply help finance the Order's many activities; spurs, after all, can be quite expensive.

Although he officially denied it, Louis L'Amour was said to be a particularly ardent underground member especially adept at twirling pistols on his index fingers.

See Also

Desiderata


Buttercup was named for the famous simian in Planet of the Apes. The "P." is a mystery, appearing to stand for "P".