Marvin Rex Rittenhouse

From Plastic Tub

Born 1948 in Beaumont, Texas. Rittenhouse arrives with a truck full of migrant workers, each of them carrying a cultural disease. He is a denudified rodent. He's not even invited, however, he gets a stern warning.

First And Ten

A popular newspaper columnist, notorious O'Donnely confidante and amateur folklorist, Rittenhouse spent most of his life as the gristle-voiced announcer of Beaumontian High School football games -- the height of which was most certainly the memorable 1984 Championship bout between the Beaumont Cougars and the until-then undefeated Illinois Trapper's Association -- who though not players of football, engaged the field in bras, collapsing motor-trunks and a spirit unsullied by the near-hysterical objection of the assembled mob. He usually appeared with his impeccably outfitted 'Latin' entourage -- described by observers as consisting mostly of hired hands, rough-a-bouts and Mexican sports casters.


In this same period, his weekly column in the Odessa Tribune was considered responsible for later phases of production, consisting primarily of and endlessly banal re-arrangment of tales concerning his attempts to quit smoking (still hasn't) and the birth of his new daughter.

A Terrific Engagment

Historically pertinent for his alleged discovery of The Farmer Diary, later exposed as a fraud. The collection consisted of blogspot entries by protean American farmer Mack Calvin. Although the Rittenhouse's 'discovery' was soon illegitimated as a confounding piece of lyrical pranksterism, it is still today read aloud at the start of every Alcoholics Anonymous meeting.

Known Works

Folksy Tales and Texan Humour

The Backyard Fence, populist advice column, aimed with unerring accuracy toward "neighbors."