Autoamputation

Usage

"And if thy hand offend thee, cut it off: it is better for thee to enter into life maimed, than having two hands to go into hell, into the fire that never shall be quenched: Where their worm dieth not, and the fire is not quenched. And if thy foot offend thee, cut it off: it is better for thee to enter halt into life, than having two feet to be cast into hell, into the fire that never shall be quenched: Where their worm dieth not, and the fire is not quenched. And if thine eye offend thee, pluck it out: it is better for thee to enter into the kingdom of God with one eye, than having two eyes to be cast into hell fire: Where their worm dieth not, and the fire is not quenched."

-- Mark 9:43-48. King James Bible.

Extrapolation

Exactly!

Non Canonical Text

Incidents of autoamputation in nature trace an inverted bell-curve against intellegence. At the low end, insects will, for example, often chew off a leg by accident, and lizards will inadvertently shed a tail when startled. At the upper end, we find foxes chewing off their legs to escape traps and humans chipping off fingers from sheer enui. But in the middle lies this fuzzy area where we willing insert our cocks -- if you can find it.

-- Clementine, Dapper. A Nature Lovers Guide to Loving in Nature. University of Minnesota Press, Minneapolis. 1971.

Why Autoamputate?

1. Times of Duress. Like when your foot is stuck under a tree and must be removed so you can crawl to safety.
2. Impress the Ladies. Nothing says I love you like cleaving a toe.
3. Join a Gang. The Chinese Mafia takes pinkies and the Anahinthan take hands. I know which I'd choose.
4. Gotta Eat Somethin'-- ask Steven King 'bout this one ;)
5. Improve Your Looks. What's the ugliest part of your body?

-- page 2 of a Framer anti-League of Men with Fancy Gloves pamphlet.

"In the death of soldier or the starvation of a peasant we rejoice -- for in the heroic sacrifices of others, we see the hero we may yet become."

-- Proclamation 13. Stalin.

See Also

• Alice in Wonderland Syndrome (http://www.medterms.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=24174)]
• Body Integrety Identity Disorder (http://literature.sdsu.edu/2005/spring/301/amputationpsyche.pdf)
• Penis Removal (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Penis_removal)
• The Worship of Dongs
• The Worship of Tits

Desiderata

Adult circumsion is the most common form of autoamputation. Self-castration is a close second.

Contrary to outmoded psychological thinking autoamputation is rarely motivated by sexual gratification. Especially in cases of self-castration.