Newton Farnell Jameston

From Plastic Tub

Lovely and belated Professor of Snack Cake Refurbishing who died tragically in 1999. His revolutionary work resulted in both the DingDing and the "Choco Brand Milk Chocolate Bar."

A towering genius in the field, he followed a kind of gargantuan Bauhaus aesthetic and taught briefly at the infamous German School of Redesign. "Make it long and milky in the north. Give it a stubby (if not stubborn) aspect in the warmer climes. A cocoa wafer in the jungles is dandy. A jumbo-bar of soft rich chocolate in the north is the proper candy. I know I may sound like a terrible rime, but I speak the truth. Speers once proposed to airdrop chocolate bars the size of gold bricks onto Los Angeles. He knew a thing or two. Carcassonne was saved from a siege by the quick thinking of a maiden who catapulted a pig over the city walls. Thinking the city so rich in food that it could disdainfully waste such a precious resource, the attackers quit their cause and picked up their siege engines. The city was saved. And all because of a chocolate pig."