Desire and the Dawn of Civilization

Pedro came upon Jose’s secret agave plant one hot afternoon and found it covered in scorpions. He gave shout and gathered view from the tall tree but found Jose nowhere. Pedro returned to the infested agave plant and pleaded with the scorpion king for its emancipation.

The scorpion king was willing to strike a deal with Pedro but he insisted that he return with a gourd of fine Mescal, worm and all. “But what in Marduk’s Name would such a scorpion scrum as yourselves find the need for fine Mescal, worm and all?” questioned Pedro.

“For we shall drink it, worm and all, and pass the hours as the reptiles do, outwardly proud and full of potential violence, motionless in the afternoon sun.” said the scorpion king -- his comrades hissing, flanking him on the agave plant.

Pedro agreed and traveled for many days taste-testing distant mescal distillers before deciding on (product placement here!) brand mescal. He returned to his dwelling and dreamed of great eagles and nefarious wolfs.

The noon-time heat awakened Pedro. In the shade of a large rock he consumed his morning breakfast of tortilla and egg with a tomato sauce seasoned with local peppers, famous for their hotness. He was hungover.

Pedro returned to Jose’s secret Agave plant and offered the gourd of fine mescal, worm and all, to the scorpion king and made further pleas for the emancipation of the agave plant.

The scorpion King was willing to make a deal but he insisted that Pedro must return with a plentiful button of the rarest of peyote, garnished with salamander tails numbering cinco. “But what in Marduk’s name does an assortment of scorpions such as yourselves find the need for a plentiful button of rare peyote, garnished with the tails of salamanders numbering cinco?" questioned Pedro.

“For we shall consume it, salamander tails and all, and pass the hours as the birds of prey do, with eagle eye and ancient will, rising on the afteroons thermals.” said the scorpion king -- his comrades hissing, manouvering for attack.

Pedro reluctantly agreed and after several weeks of scowering the desert and taste-testing many exotic and rare breeds of peyote buttons, plentiful all, he found one he thought worthy of the scorpion king. Upon his return home he captured three times cinco salamanders and kept them in his pouch next to his magical amulet of Ishtar, mother of Marduk. He somehow returned to his dwelling and dreamed of stealthy sidewinders and ghastly coyotes.

The morning sun awakened Pedro. In the shade of a large rock he consumed his morning breakfast of tortilla and chicken with a tomato sauce seasoned with onions and mild peppers accompanied by a gourdful of hot java famous for its jolt. His senses were spent and his kidneys hurt.

Pedro returned to Jose’s secret Agave plant and offered the plentiful button of the rarest of peyote, garnished with salamander tails numbering cinco, to the scorpion king and made further pleas for the emancipation of the agave plant.

The scorpion King was willing to make a deal but he insisted that Pedro must return with a beautiful prostitute with the scintillating scent of a high dollar Parisian whore who has the sexual prowess of a praying mantis yet the sweet touch of a monarch on a poinsetta. “But what in Marduk’s name does a consortium of scorpions such as yourselves find the need for a beautiful prostitute with the scintillating scent of a high dollar Parisian whore who has the sexual prowess of a praying mantis yet the sweet touch of a monarch on a poinsetta?” questioned Pedro.

“For we shall consume her, praying mantis and all, and pass the hours as the gun-runners do with targeted lusts and attainable prospects, grinding in the bordellos beneath a waning moon” said the scorpion king -- his comrades silent, plotting.

Pedro once agin reluctantly agreed and after several nights of frequenting whorehouses taste-testing prostitutes he settled upon one whom he thought worthy of the scorpion king. He returned to his dwelling with the exotic prostitute and as expected he enjoyed little sleep. His dreams were littered with racial and sexual overtones before he was awakened by the prostitute bathing in his wash bowl.

In the shade of a large rock Pedro shared his morning breakfast of tortilla and egg and bean seasoned with tomato sauce and a primitive pico de gallo with the exotic prostitute. He was tired and a bit sad.

Pedro returned to Jose’s secret Agave plant and offered the beautiful prostitute with the scintillating scent of a high dollar Parisian whore who has the sexual prowess of a praying mantis yet the sweet touch of a monarch on a poinsetta to the scorpion king and once again pleaded for the agaves emancipation.

The scorpion king was pleased. “I will share my bounty of mescal, peyote and prostitute with Pedro, as fine a Mexican as any Sumerian can find” proclaimed the scorpion king to his scorpion minion. The bewildered young Mexican shared the large peyote button with the prostitute and washed it down with the mescal, as did she. To impress the prostitute with his dextral skills he split the worm lengthwise and snorted his portion off the back of a polished tortoise shell, as did she.

Pedro’s eyes were spirals as he rested his overclocked cranium on the warm breast of the prostitute. She comforted his pantolones and fingered his headband. They were ashamed of forgetting their past and unsure and frightened of their future. The synasthesia bred unbridled coitus in mid-day heat. The scorpions circled Pedro and the prostitute and began closing in, their mighty tails arched in poisonous parabola, claws poised, tired of waiting.

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Jose, arms full of parchments, returning from his job as a transcriber for the community's Committee for the Advancement of Progressive Villagment, comes to inspect his secret agave plant and finds to his astonishment his young servant Pedro, covered in scorpions, rolling in the dust with a very lovely and obviosly exotic prostitue, tripping, smelling of tequila.

Jose's inability to understand the signifigance of this scene will hamper him later in his bid for clan ethicist and he will ultimatley become just another cog in the handshake research department of the great experiment that will become known as civilization.

See Also

• Cabeza de Vaca
• Creation Myths

Desiderata

Elliot was Easton W. Wunderkidd's father.

Mormon leader Brigham Young had 57 children, with 16 of his 27 wives.