Charles Flintrock
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| ''He comes in trailing the sound of a backslap. The sky parts with a hearty guffaw -- he is numbered six. He has mustard on his chin. Thus marked, he is given explosions of frankincense.'' | ''He comes in trailing the sound of a backslap. The sky parts with a hearty guffaw -- he is numbered six. He has mustard on his chin. Thus marked, he is given explosions of frankincense.'' | ||
| - | Charles Flintrock was a respected [[pig]] breeder from York, PA. His great past-time was going to the York Fair Horse races where he would gamble with his friends [[Jeremiah Belier|Jeremia]] and [[Junior Belier]] (the two brothers caught fornicating with the sheep). | + | Charles Flintrock was a respected [[pig]] breeder from York, PA. His great past-time was going to the York Fair Horse races where he would gamble with his friends [[Jeremiah Belier|Jeremia]] and [[Junior Belier]] (the two brothers caught fornicating with the sheep). , of |
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| + | He was the cousin of [[William Flintrock]], even though he was missing his left big toe (amputated after having been crushed in an especially racuous square-dance). | ||
| The gambling turned into a regular event and Charles became the talk of town when he bet at the famous York Million in 1935, the yearly race of 3 yr. old studs ("No geldings please!" was the cry). Though money was short (word was that Flintrock had only one runt left), Flintrock came to the track with a pocket full of gold. Rumors quickly circulated about his troubled Irish past (a bank robber? a potato monarch? nobody was certain) but faded when he went to the teller with 5 gold nuggets -- on 1150-1 longshot [[Black Gamcock]] to win! | The gambling turned into a regular event and Charles became the talk of town when he bet at the famous York Million in 1935, the yearly race of 3 yr. old studs ("No geldings please!" was the cry). Though money was short (word was that Flintrock had only one runt left), Flintrock came to the track with a pocket full of gold. Rumors quickly circulated about his troubled Irish past (a bank robber? a potato monarch? nobody was certain) but faded when he went to the teller with 5 gold nuggets -- on 1150-1 longshot [[Black Gamcock]] to win! | ||
Current revision
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He comes in trailing the sound of a backslap. The sky parts with a hearty guffaw -- he is numbered six. He has mustard on his chin. Thus marked, he is given explosions of frankincense. Charles Flintrock was a respected pig breeder from York, PA. His great past-time was going to the York Fair Horse races where he would gamble with his friends Jeremia and Junior Belier (the two brothers caught fornicating with the sheep). , of He was the cousin of William Flintrock, even though he was missing his left big toe (amputated after having been crushed in an especially racuous square-dance). The gambling turned into a regular event and Charles became the talk of town when he bet at the famous York Million in 1935, the yearly race of 3 yr. old studs ("No geldings please!" was the cry). Though money was short (word was that Flintrock had only one runt left), Flintrock came to the track with a pocket full of gold. Rumors quickly circulated about his troubled Irish past (a bank robber? a potato monarch? nobody was certain) but faded when he went to the teller with 5 gold nuggets -- on 1150-1 longshot Black Gamcock to win! We all know the rest -- his victory propelled him to mayor. But his reputation as a drunken father never left him and the poor Irish community never got out of the sty in York, so they say. |
[edit] DesiderataAs a youngster, Charles owned a hamster he named "Plumper", who could balance on the tip of a pencil. Nevid Kessar was a big fan, later settling down to the farm himself. Flintrock made a footnote in Andy Rooney's Of Pigs and Men (a.k.a., the Pig Bible).
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