Kevin Statham

From Plastic Tub

(Difference between revisions)
Revision as of 22:04, 21 Apr 2006
Adkins (Talk | contribs)
Update
← Go to previous diff		 Current revision
Adkins (Talk | contribs)

Line 11: Line 11:
== Update == == Update ==
-After many silent years, Adkins has been in contact with the elusive Statham. His first email, out of the blue was this:+After many silent years, the elusive Statham contacted Adkins. His first email, out of the blue, was this:
-'':Steve:+:"Steve:
:11 or 12 years goes by in a hurry. Glad to hear you are alive. As for me, I have :11 or 12 years goes by in a hurry. Glad to hear you are alive. As for me, I have
:found peace and meaning living in service of the Lord. My wife, Wilma, and I :found peace and meaning living in service of the Lord. My wife, Wilma, and I
Line 21: Line 21:
:Cambodia, we were forced to eat our youngest. When we aren't on a mission, i :Cambodia, we were forced to eat our youngest. When we aren't on a mission, i
:spend my time peddling bumper stickers. my latest reads: "Jesus Kicks Ass. do :spend my time peddling bumper stickers. my latest reads: "Jesus Kicks Ass. do
-:you really live in France? Reply soon. God told me to skin you alive. kevin.''+:you really live in France? Reply soon. God told me to skin you alive. kevin."
Being made aware of the Tub, Statham made an entry for the Calendar, which, though not fit for the calendar itself, merits publications here: Being made aware of the Tub, Statham made an entry for the Calendar, which, though not fit for the calendar itself, merits publications here:
-:JANUARY - Sometimes peripheral AA associate K. Statham was rushed to the+:"JANUARY - Sometimes peripheral AA associate K. Statham was rushed to the
:emergency room after an attempt to prove that man can sustain nourishment from :emergency room after an attempt to prove that man can sustain nourishment from
:art alone. Sources say statham was seen eating pages of his prose, until his :art alone. Sources say statham was seen eating pages of his prose, until his
:stomach became overly enlarged. After two hours in the operating room, statham's :stomach became overly enlarged. After two hours in the operating room, statham's
:stomach was returned to normal size, although his ego remains as bloated as :stomach was returned to normal size, although his ego remains as bloated as
-:ever.+:ever."
Welcome back, Kevin! Welcome back, Kevin!

Current revision

American. He shows up swinging wildly, his mouth leaking slightly. He is a sandwich of sky, earth and mayo. He receives mustard -- for which he has been asking.

A notorious night-rocker, Statham is perhaps most famous for his narcophilic ability to vomit forth a multitude at a moment's notice. A prodigious drinker and taker of pills, he also produces Anassociationalist short stories. Currently believed to be holed up in his compound somewhere in Central Florida.

Statham was a university acquaintance of Steven Adkins; having lost touch after graduation, they met by chance two years later in a bar in Tampa's Ybor City (the much-missed Emerald).

Statham is sorely missed among AA circles.

[edit]

Update

After many silent years, the elusive Statham contacted Adkins. His first email, out of the blue, was this:

"Steve:
11 or 12 years goes by in a hurry. Glad to hear you are alive. As for me, I have
found peace and meaning living in service of the Lord. My wife, Wilma, and I
spend at least 6 months of the year traveling to impoverished countries,
spreading the gospel. Wilma and i are the proud parents of 3 children. Well, to
be honest, we are parents of two now. During a particularly grim winter in
Cambodia, we were forced to eat our youngest. When we aren't on a mission, i
spend my time peddling bumper stickers. my latest reads: "Jesus Kicks Ass. do
you really live in France? Reply soon. God told me to skin you alive. kevin."

Being made aware of the Tub, Statham made an entry for the Calendar, which, though not fit for the calendar itself, merits publications here:

"JANUARY - Sometimes peripheral AA associate K. Statham was rushed to the
emergency room after an attempt to prove that man can sustain nourishment from
art alone. Sources say statham was seen eating pages of his prose, until his
stomach became overly enlarged. After two hours in the operating room, statham's
stomach was returned to normal size, although his ego remains as bloated as
ever."

Welcome back, Kevin!

[edit]

Known Works

[edit]

See also

[edit]

Desiderata

Steven Adkins preserved a specimen of Statham's ejected sputum, showing it around to pals later as an example of ectoplasm.

Kevin was once run over by a moving automobile -- and lived!

Kevin once balanced a burning Bible on his head for five whole minutes, even as he perilously staggered.

Retrieved from "http://plastictub.vaporslave.com/index.php?title=Kevin_Statham"