Charles Flintrock

He comes in trailing the sound of a backslap. The sky parts with a hearty guffaw -- he is numbered six. He has mustard on his chin. Thus marked, he is given explosions of frankincense.

Charles Flintrock was a respected pig breeder from York, PA. His great past-time was going to the York Fair Horse races where he would gamble with his friends Jeremia and Junior Belier (the two brothers caught fornicating with the sheep). , of

He was the cousin of William Flintrock, even though he was missing his left big toe (amputated after having been crushed in an especially racuous square-dance).

The gambling turned into a regular event and Charles became the talk of town when he bet at the famous York Million in 1935, the yearly race of 3 yr. old studs ("No geldings please!" was the cry). Though money was short (word was that Flintrock had only one runt left), Flintrock came to the track with a pocket full of gold. Rumors quickly circulated about his troubled Irish past (a bank robber? a potato monarch? nobody was certain) but faded when he went to the teller with 5 gold nuggets -- on 1150-1 longshot Black Gamcock to win!

We all know the rest -- his victory propelled him to mayor. But his reputation as a drunken father never left him and the poor Irish community never got out of the sty in York, so they say.

Desiderata

As a youngster, Charles owned a hamster he named "Plumper", who could balance on the tip of a pencil.

Nevid Kessar was a big fan, later settling down to the farm himself.

Flintrock made a footnote in Andy Rooney's Of Pigs and Men (a.k.a., the Pig Bible).