Jorge Suarez

Born February 14, 1922, in Santiago, Chile. Died February 14, 1992, New York City. He is a bull, arriving while still wiping hands, grinning, looking like a mobile, intricate -- terribly charming -- spatum. He receives a spangled bodice.

Calumny

As Steven Adkins stated so clearly in his recent essay, Saurez the Ambergriam, things are not as they seem:

"A recent spate of League of Gnomes literature makes the claim that Sr. Suarez was not only a pederast and a pedophile, but a murderer as well. I doubt this. Given, he had a well-known predilection for pornography and African-American transvestites, but he was, on the whole, a rather innocuous and private chap. Living as he did in the Kolping House for Young Men, he would have had neither the space nor privacy to carry out the nefarious schemes attributed to him."

So there you have it.

An unsettled childhood

Suarez was always on the road. His father, an itinerant bard, pants salesman and knife sharpener, made young Jorge's life a rocky and ever-changing road. He'd seen the slums of Rio, the pampas of Patagonia, the Bolivian cocaine fields, the German villages of Paraguay etc. by the age of 13. His father then got an offer he couldn't refuse. Selling pants to Latin American immigrants in NYC. So at the outset of the war young Suarez found himself on the rough shores of America, working in his fathers pants factory, making olive drab pants for the war effort. It was a hard graft but Suarez got the gist quick-like and without gouging the government, giving a fair deal to his employees, all women, he still managed a good profit. He proved an astute businessman, but he craved more.

Romance and lust

Suarez had always been a poet, writing journals from the road in a mellifluous Spanish that was as forthright as it was enchanting.

And he had an erotic awakening to talk about; as the boy ripened into the man, handsome, well-bult, exotic, sporting a daring mustache....

His weakness was for the seamstresses at his plant. He allegedly had several mistresses from among them and fathered at least one child. He was generous, supported the woman and baby though college (the baby is a doctor today), but refused further contact.

To retreat is sometimes to advance

The strains of these affairs had him retreat from contact with people and eventually with the business altogether. He was excused in 1960. It was at this point that he discovered the AA through an ad in a newspaper. The ad read: "Wanted. Stern cuffs for midnight brawl. Bring a candle and hammock. No jokers." Unfortunately, it gave no further details. Intrigued, Suarez sought in vain for the source of the message. He went so far as to go to the classifieds department of the newspaper and find the answer, but he was rebuffed. Some weeks later, a letter, stamped but without a postmark, appeared in his letterbox.

Following the direction he arrived at a desolate spot in upstate New York, where he appears to have undergone some kind of mysterious investigation. Soon afterwards, he began to appear regularly at AA functions. Although somewhat retiring, he was an active voice at many an AA event, yet managed to stay above the internecine strife which marked the movement in the wake of the acrimonious 3rd AA International Conference. He even made another go at the cloth trade, this time as a haberdasher specializing in "Pants, Trousers, Breeches & Pantaloons."

White Bread

These years took their toll on Suarez. Although he became a prolific poet, collagist and tinkerer, his financial situation steadily worsened. He let his business fall to near ruin and had to sell it off to rivals. He grew paunchy and developed halitosis, as well as a bald pate. He took this physical deterioration poorly and became reclusive, grouchy, weird. A collector of all manner of porn, from cheesecake to hardcore, he only left his appartment to buy cheap gin and visit sex shops to add to his ever-growing collection.

In 1987 he was ousted from his flat by thugs sent around by the landlord. His building was demolished soon after to make way for luxury condos. It was at this time that he moved into the Kolping House, where he lived until his lonely death in 1992. Although he kept in contact with his AA comrades sparingly, he always remained a soft spot in the hearts of many. He had cut himself off from the world, and everyone respected that, still pained, however, by Suarez' obstinate pursuit of decadent solitude.

See Also

• Mom Jokes

A big fan of getting down to business, Suarez was often found in the nude, posing for unseen photographers.

Desiderata

Suarez knew hundreds of folk-songs by heart.