Michael Jackson

Despite his freaky penchant for disturbing physical manipulation, Michael holds a place dear in many an AA'ers heart for his logic-be-damned forays into the future. Millions of things have been said about this man, from Gnostic implications of his body rejection to the extreme sacrifice for art and personal fulfillment he is widely perceived to have undetaken.

Guileless Maccabee has recently been the subject of a vicious slander operation for having alleged that Jackson has long been victim of a group of Taratologists operating under the aegis of the League of Gnomes. The incidences of questionable behavior with children are numerous, but whether Jackson himself was actually involved is questionable. Maccabee cites unnamed sources which describe a "Second Jackson," or doppelganger, which was employed while the real Jackson lay in a drug-induced stupor. Kids were plied with wine and porn, and sitting about in one's undies was considered de rigeur for the elfin slumber parties perpetuated presumably for the kind of perverse activity Gnomes are known for, always with an ulterior motive.

The Jackson we see, says Maccabee, is not the man who held the nation in thrall with his moonwalk and sequined glove, but a "golem-clone in an obvious state of decomposition." Why Jackson was chosen, one presumes, is that his already pronounced "Peter Pansim" and other eccentricities gave him the perfect camouflage which would allow the real fiends to remain undetected.

Desiderata

Neverland Ranch was allegedly inspired by Wee-Wee.