Goat
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| - | [[Category:Glossary]]'''goat''' ''n.'' '''1.''' Multipurpose omnivore '''2.''' Ancient symbol of Lasciviousness '''3.''' [[AA]] totem animal (see Extrapolation, below). '''4.''' The tenth sign of the zodiac in astrology '''5.''' Alternatley symbolic of both gluttony and aspiration. | + | [[Category:Glossary]]__NOTOC__<table width="100%" border="0" align="right" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0"> |
| + | <tr> | ||
| + | <td width="*" align="left" valign="top">[[Image:Goat_1.jpg|left|thumb|Goats are extremely intelligent creatures, capable of manipulating small gadgets and tools.]]'''goat''' ''n.'' '''1.''' Multipurpose omnivore. '''2.''' Ancient symbol of Lasciviousness, or Lust. '''3.''' [[AA]] totem animal (see Extrapolation, below). '''4.''' Tenth sign on the [[O'Donnely Zodiac Placemats]]. '''5.''' Alternately symbolic of both gluttony and aspiration. | ||
| - | {{goat}} | + | == Extrapolation == |
| - | + | ||
| - | == Usage == | + | |
| ---- | ---- | ||
| + | Much of today's enthusiasm for the Goat can be attributed to the ongoing celebration of the numerous enthusiasts of the Blackmore Freehold and surrounding pastures. Husbandary expert/electric guitarist Ritchie Blackmore founded the Freehold in 1975 after departing the sucessful music outfit Deep Purple. He attributes his early fascination with goats to a long weekend spent with Jimmy Page at the (former Alister Crowley estate) Boleskine House. Although the Estate was rumoured to be haunted and the owners assured occultists, Ritchie claims that it was a "scruffy young kid named Elijah that enamored him so." | ||
| - | "Eat-in? | + | == Non Canonical Text == |
| - | == Extrapolation == | + | |
| ---- | ---- | ||
| + | ''". . . of the many fortitudes that providence has bestowed upon us his lowly creation is the unkind mirror of nature's participants which beguile a beard of goat a lion's mane and discomfort his environs with crag, root and weed".'' - Clemetus Gildenhonour's ''Canaanitic Demigods of the Lower Abrahammatic Deltas''. | ||
| - | Common usage and slang is generally extrapolated from the pig defined as a dirty animal and a tasty treat: | + | Gildenhonour's resplendent pronunciamento of everything Capra may well fair as the penultimate screed on this topic. Although long out of print, the edition arrives on the occasional literary auction block and commands a stratospheric ransom. Philanues Heliophanes (in his final treatise on the influence of the pre-Bacchic cults ''The Vine and Vice'') described the '''CDOTLAD''' as the quintessental document to explain the zietgiest and regress of the he-goat during the Pre-Hellenic epoch. |
| - | *A ''pig skin'' is a football. | + | "...[[Guvernor Morris|Morris]], you old goat..." - letter from President Jefferson to Guvernor Morris, upon learning that Sally Hemmings was pregnant. |
| + | {{Zodiac}} | ||
| + | == See Also == | ||
| - | *To ''pig out'' is to eat too much. | + | ---- |
| + | * [[Poob|Poobanity]] | ||
| - | *A ''pig-in-a-blanket'' is a [[hot dog|corndog]]. | + | </td> |
| + | <td width="180px" align="left" valign="top" bgcolor="#E0E0E0" style="margin: 0 0 1em 1em; background: #E0E0E0; border: 1px #aaa solid; border-collapse: collapse; font-size: 95%;"> | ||
| + | == Steven Vogeler's Fun Facts ® == | ||
| + | [[Image:FunFactsVogeler.jpg|center|Fun Facts About Goats]] | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | <font style="font-size: 90%"> | ||
| + | '''Goats N' Stuff''' | ||
| - | The AA totem pig was famously aped by William Golding in ''Lord of the Flies''; it's origin, however, is unclear. [[Gnome]] [[psy-ops]] tried to link it to claims of Jew-baiting, but this is doubtful. | + | Ahmed Capra's last name ''means'' goat. |
| - | The most obvious and common connection between the AA and pigs is a spit. [[Nevid Kessar]] once remarked that “wherever you find a dozen AAers together, [[heavy drinking]] and a pig roast can’t be far behind.” Indeed, all the [[:Category:Feasts and High Days|annual AA gatherings]] as well as the [[Second AA International Conference|2nd]] and [[3rd AA International Conference|3rd AA International Conferences]] have included plenty of both. For a more in depth look, readers can refer to [[Mazzistow Carrington]] and [[Nevid Kessar|Nevid Kessar's]] seminal BBQ scholarship in the ''[[Auto-Colonial Bee]]''. | + | Goats provide mohair, meat ''and'' milk, but [[Pig|pigs]] still have half-hour long orgasms. |
| - | A more bizarre theory was put forth in 1973 by Burt Reynolds, self-styled amateur pigologist. During a drunken encounter with Addisson and [[Adid]], Reynolds apparently accused the AAers of being “squealing pig fuckers.” A furious Adid said he’d never squealed in his life. Addisson replied with a simple “hogwash.” | + | The House of Bacchus made the goat-skin famous from Thebes to Toledo. |
| - | One final theory worth noting stems from ''Pigs and Men'', the scholarly tome that is lovingly referred to as the ''Pig Bible'' by pig scholars worldwide (see Non Canonical Text, below). Nevid Kessar once avoided a fist fight with a curiously angry Iowan by sarcastically agreeing with this argument: “The AA is mysterious, and so were the Eleusianians, so what the hell, yeah, you must be right – the connection is obvious.” | + | '''Goats And Religion''' |
| - | As is often the case, Addisson retains the final word on the subject: “Pigs are like the Bible: you take from a pig what you bring to a pig. But sometimes, Andy, a pig is just a pig” (from a letter to Andy Rooney, pigologist and TV commentator, in 1956). | + | Muslims and Jews have nifty goat stories, too. |
| - | == Non Canonical Text == | + | Want to live in high altitudes with little vegetation in order to appease The Corn God? Try goats! They got mohair, meat ''and'' milk -- and it's not as timewasting as sacrificing a pig. |
| - | ---- | + | '''Goats Aren't Evil''' |
| - | ''Carcassonne.'' {{SecretSocieties}} | + | Goats make excellent lawnmowers and they're more fearsome to Christians than dogs! |
| - | - Andy Rooney, ''Pigs and Men'', 1948 (updated in 2003), ''Columbia University Press''. | + | They have mohair, meat ''and'' milk. |
| - | + | ||
| - | == See Also == | + | |
| - | + | ||
| - | ---- | + | |
| - | *[[Dewey Rose]] | + | Yom Kippur is about scape-goats and shit. |
| - | *[[The Worship of Tits]] | + | </font> |
| + | </td> | ||
| + | </tr> | ||
| + | </table> | ||
Current revision
 [edit] ExtrapolationMuch of today's enthusiasm for the Goat can be attributed to the ongoing celebration of the numerous enthusiasts of the Blackmore Freehold and surrounding pastures. Husbandary expert/electric guitarist Ritchie Blackmore founded the Freehold in 1975 after departing the sucessful music outfit Deep Purple. He attributes his early fascination with goats to a long weekend spent with Jimmy Page at the (former Alister Crowley estate) Boleskine House. Although the Estate was rumoured to be haunted and the owners assured occultists, Ritchie claims that it was a "scruffy young kid named Elijah that enamored him so." [edit] Non Canonical Text". . . of the many fortitudes that providence has bestowed upon us his lowly creation is the unkind mirror of nature's participants which beguile a beard of goat a lion's mane and discomfort his environs with crag, root and weed". - Clemetus Gildenhonour's Canaanitic Demigods of the Lower Abrahammatic Deltas. Gildenhonour's resplendent pronunciamento of everything Capra may well fair as the penultimate screed on this topic. Although long out of print, the edition arrives on the occasional literary auction block and commands a stratospheric ransom. Philanues Heliophanes (in his final treatise on the influence of the pre-Bacchic cults The Vine and Vice) described the CDOTLAD as the quintessental document to explain the zietgiest and regress of the he-goat during the Pre-Hellenic epoch. "...Morris, you old goat..." - letter from President Jefferson to Guvernor Morris, upon learning that Sally Hemmings was pregnant.
[edit] See Also |
[edit] Steven Vogeler's Fun Facts ® Goats N' Stuff Ahmed Capra's last name means goat. Goats provide mohair, meat and milk, but pigs still have half-hour long orgasms. The House of Bacchus made the goat-skin famous from Thebes to Toledo. Goats And Religion Muslims and Jews have nifty goat stories, too. Want to live in high altitudes with little vegetation in order to appease The Corn God? Try goats! They got mohair, meat and milk -- and it's not as timewasting as sacrificing a pig. Goats Aren't Evil Goats make excellent lawnmowers and they're more fearsome to Christians than dogs! They have mohair, meat and milk. Yom Kippur is about scape-goats and shit.
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