Christmas

Christmas is an especially fervent time of heavy drinking in AA circles, during the twelve days of which the O'Donnelly Zodiac is employed ritualistically in a game known as The Balancing of the Sheaf.

Though traditionally the day the spirit was made flesh (and therefore the reverse of the Catholic mass), most mainstream scholars believe Christmas originated in the 4th century as a substitute for pagan celebrations of the winter solstice. For example, the Romans honored Saturn in a festival that lasted for seven days encompassing the winter solstice, which usually fell on December 25 by the Julian calendar. During Saturnalia the Romans ate well and did all the things we associate with Christmas, including giving gifts and singing naked; even slaves were freed during the holidays.

Many Romans also held festivities on December 25 in honour of the rebirth of Sol Invictus or with Mithraic rituals.

Modern Christmas also took much from the Yule celebrations of Northern Europe, including candled trees, lit logs,¹  and snogging drunk under the mistletoe.

It is interesting to note that Mormon's, knowing well the reality of Knecht Ruprecht (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Knecht_Ruprecht),²  condemn Christmas as a pagan holiday and do not, therefore, observe it so much as revel in it -- much like a Jehovah's Witness on Halloween.

Non Canonical Text

"The tall mirror, my longing gaze, and the door knob rattles..."

See Also

• Ass
• Dog Days

Notes

Note 1:   Yule logs, originally lit for pre-Lee Thor.

Note 2:   Traced back by preta-historians to the previously mentioned Roman Sol Invictus Mithraic rituals.

Desiderata

In the Netherlands and the Benelux, Santa Claus is accompanied and/or preceded by Zwarte Piet (a.k.a., Hans Muff), a black slave who kidnaps naughty children, taking them to Spain by steam boat.

Christmas in July is celebrated in Tampa with discounted cars on used lots.

A 16-year old Creatine Panderbox, runaway from home and prostituting in San Francisco, once did a strip tease to "All I Want for Christmas is My Two Front Teeth". She has since claimed to despise lisps.