Minneapolis

From Plastic Tub

"If an American City could wield a knife -- Minneapolis would stab a guy."

So said William F. Buckley in his famous offhand remark to a darker-than-usual porter. Like Whitman, Minneapolis is many things to many people - even many things unto itself. Even St. Paul (aka Pigs Eye) will tell you that Minneapolis is the:

• Austere capital of the Great North Woods

• Inspiration for Superman's Polar Palace

• Smugly superior antithesis to Tampa

• The great hoary beard on a wizened Uncle Sam

• South of Winnipeg, you cold mother fuckers

• Favorite spot for an aging Nevid Kessar's benders

• Home to:
  • Prince, Jesse Ventura, & JFK
  • Nice people
  • The Bought Art Movement (BAM)
  • Prince Harry's secret lover
  • Paul Bunyan (or is he from Maine?)
  • Glasspants, Payne, & The Whittier Globe
  • Norwegians, Swedes, Finns, and the best goddamn flapjacks in the world

• Still crazy, after all these years

See Also

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• Bicycle
• Buer
• Cold
• Opened Head