Plastic Tub - New pages [en]

Plastic Tub - New pages [en] 2026-05-04T02:08:45Z From Plastic Tub MediaWiki 1.4.1 Harbor Club 2024-07-07T16:01:34Z 2024-07-07T16:01:34 2024-07-07T16:01:34Z

Summary: New page <hr /> <div>The Harbor Club, now burned to the ground, was the site of much [[heavy drinking]] by [[The Second Advance | Second Advance]] [[AA]]-types. Located in [[Tampa]], Florida on the banks of the Hillsborough River, it was at bend particularly known for sightings of a levitating [[manatee]] known as Blimpy. In a somewhat amusing anecdote, after a rather smart decision by a local bar owner to cancel the to show, G.G. Allin played a concert here, as the old "H.C." was procured as a last minute venue for his brand of "Copro-core" Punk. The [[Mom Jokes]] show was also held here.</div>

Adkins foobar Douglas Coyle 2020-03-10T20:08:09Z 2020-03-10T20:08:09 2020-03-10T20:08:09Z

Summary: <hr /> <div>''He arrives with scars and a goatee, with his hair on fire. He spins silver discs on his fingers. He receives a bottle of Fentanyl and a flush toilet.'' Coyle was part of [[The Second Advance]] and malingered with [[Tim Wilson]], [[Krystine Monitzer]] and later, [[Steven Adkins]] in [[Tampa]]. A known skeptic and [[poob]] poacher, he found solace in his ever-growing collection of stamps from fictitious countries and his collection of excrement from various domesticated birds.</div>

Adkins foobar Dill Herbert 2020-03-10T19:53:03Z 2020-03-10T19:53:03 2020-03-10T19:53:03Z

Summary: <hr /> <div>Herbert was a competitor in the 2007 [[Incidentalist Dead Flesh Bonanza]] [[BBQ]]. His [[ostrich]] burgers were a smash hit, but he lost the final. A sensitive young lad, he [[suicide | killed himself]] when he learned that he had lost the gold medal. He might have actually won if the judges had cottoned to the fact that his [[sausage]] arrangements actually reproduced Hebrew letters for various names of [[God]].</div>

Adkins foobar Sumerians 2015-01-11T12:04:46Z 2015-01-11T12:04:46 2015-01-11T12:04:46Z

Summary: <hr /> <div>The Sumerians were one of the daintiest purveyors of fine teas in the ancient world, emerging in Southern Mesopotamia more than 5000 years ago, somewhere near what would later become the Iraqi village of Stimsonia. They developed a tea-stirring system using quick, deft strokes that would influence the style of tea drinkers in the same geographical area for the next 3 or 4 years. Sumer vacation (also called Sumer holidays, Sumer break or Wënschlaussfersteinen) is a vacation in the summertime between school years in which students and instructors are off school typically between 6 and 14 weeks, depending on the cut of their pants. The word "summer" in fact, ultimately derives from the word "Sumer", via Demotic Greek, which is generally agreed to signify "people of the well-cut leg-gloves". [[Verna Cable]] loved Sumerian pies and sweets.</div>

Adkins foobar Hobonautical 2012-01-19T08:28:17Z 2012-01-19T08:28:17 2012-01-19T08:28:17Z

Summary: <hr /> <div>'''Hobonaut''''' n.''''' 1.''' One who is a mediated eyeball and who dynamically relocates his person. '''2.''' One who travels sympathetically, or re-actively; a traveller whose destination is uncertain. '''3.''' A photographic walk-about, with no clear destination or purpose. '''4.''' A hobo who travels, i.e. a hobo. == See Also == ---- * [[Gnome Scouts]] * [[Skillet Scouts]] * [[Vapor]] * [http://blog.vaporslave.com/2012/01/hobonaut-winter-2012.html?utm_source=BP_recent Vaporslave] * [[Mormo Death Cycle]] * [[Pants]] * [[The Corner Lot]]</div>

Undule foobar Tub Book: Glossary L - N 2008-02-25T03:52:09Z 2008-02-25T03:52:09 2008-02-25T03:52:09Z

Summary: pasted l <hr /> <div>Labyrinth labyrinth jlb 1. A unicursal path wound to a central turn-about. 2. A geomachynically-rendered purificator utilized in ritualized ablations of the soul. 3. A Greek Key fit with a lock. Usage ...toomed entanglements, walled, mine eyes bereft.. From the AA uncoils the Tub. Extrapolation TerraWee briefly sported an elaborate labyrinth named Saturn. Its concentric rings of shrubbery circled a deep sinkhole, and Watchtowers orbited the outskirts. Art Doll pumped the sinkhole full of pancake batter, flash-fried the surface, and slathered it with gallons of butter.1 Doll had intended to raise funds by selling off chunks of pancake at TerraWee's Solar Bakery, but an early winter storm turned his giant flapjack into an ice-skating rink. The unflappable Doll simply took it as support for his pancake interruptus theory. Doll kept a well-worn copy of Dr. "Alamo" Jane Jenkins' labyrinth treatise2 by his bedside. From the introduction: Ancient labyrinths dot the globe from the arctic to the Mediterranean. Unlike the maze, whose object is to befuddle those going from Point A to Point B, the highly-stylized labyrinth loops one to the core and back out the same path. Labyrinths have long served as physical manifestations of metaphorical journeys wherein one returns from tribulations (or wanderings), bettered. Similar devices include Mt. Fuji, Dante's Inferno, beanstalks, and the Bath-Marie. Like the Bath-Marie, a labyrinth draws the impure into a central chamber, removes impurities, and expels the purified agent while containing the baser stuff. The most famous labyrinth stems from gnostic Minoan legends. Daedalus fathered the labyrinth as a boneyards for the minotaur and placed his son Icarus inside. Icarus crept darkly through the hunimal tomb before leaping out in angelic ascension, ditching his burdensome Father. Of course the gods casually swat him back to earth, his journey perhaps more transhumance than transhuman or alchemic. "Ah but that brief moment of flight," crooned the fallen angel in phoenix-like recollection."3 Birth itself apes this process: a sperm wriggling through feminal channels to the womb, joined to an egg (its halfness lost), expelled some nine months later -- now somehow greater than its original form, more than the slimy stuff shot forth by the Father into the void. Just ask Oedipus. Oedipus, like Daedalus before him, placed his son inside a labyrinth of his own making. Will the lesson ever be learned? Fathers beware -- your children are unlikely to forgive their creation. It should be noted that Doll, unlike Jenkins, had no officially recognized off-spring,4 though he often refered to the astromical observatories in his watchtowers as "my babies". Notes Note 1: According to Doll, "Sinkholes are manifest evidence of Donut Earth, that thin crust collapsing to yield the hollowed innards. Why, it's only natural to fill such holes with batter. Only a damn fool would leave an unattended grotto laying about his land. That's just asking for a bunch of Gnomes to come make themselves at home." Of course, Art Doll also claimed to have found a fully-realized labyrinthodonut fossil (teeth and all) stuck amongst the garbage strewn bowels of the pit -- who are we (mere scientific laypersons) to argue that it was, in fact, a labyrinthodont? Note 2: Full title: “Labyriths and Mirrors: Reflections on the Twisted History and Proper Usage of Myself”; subtitle: “Note on Self”; genre: oddly, not autobiographical. We should note here that Jane and Art had a “brief encounter” at the Fourth AA International Conference, after which they maintained a life-long correspondence that “held a tender yet refreshingly Victorianesqe timbre of amour courtois” (Waingrip, 2005 -- both quotes). Jane cried when Art died. Her husband, however, did not. Note 3: The emphasis was Doll's. Ironically, this phrase was later spoken at his memorial. Note 4: We need not note that rumors, of course, abound. See Also * Death * Gnostic Materialism * Homunculus * Ouroboros * Procreation Myths Lambda Land of Gar Posthumously-named group of decidedly unimportant artists from Garland, Texas, who throughout the late 1980's and 90's unknowingly engaged in civil unrest and sympathetic AA operations. Like Tampa, Florida, Garland is home to an over-proportionate distribution of drug abusers and dexterous guitar-slingers scanning all categories between speed-metal and death-jazz. Few Garland artists, however, find their way out of the suburb, and those few who don't lose themselves in the increasing Skinhead meth-movement eventually employ themselves at one of the many motherboard manufacturing companies who set up shop in the industrial parks littering the flat and polluted landscape. It is also the home of several wealthy computer game developers who are often seen strutting their stuff in gorgeous Hummers. Les douzaines Les douzaines fr. 1. A kind of fancy way of making fun of someone else's mom, but in French; eng. "the dozens." 2. A notorious Marseilles Street Gang. Extrapolation Alexandre Dacusse modeled his adolescent band of ruffians on Les Douzaines, calling his group Le Petit Treize, literally, "The Little Thirteen." See Also * The Dangerous Contest Lil' Robin Redpants Robin was the imaginary friend of all the Lil' AA scamps and scal-a-wags who populated Jonathan Trenchwheat's popular comic strip. Known for his amusing antics and oversized head, Robin often whizzed about delivering the characters snack cakes and pancakes. Robin was always attired in ill-fitting capri pants, red as a fire engine, bulbous blue shoes, white pirate shirt and green elongated cap, which flew behind him as he sped along his way. An almost tourettic spewer of non-sequitors, onomatopoetic exclamations and sentence fragments, he was also a irrepressible singer of tunes, mainly of his own invention. The Sunday edition of Lil' AA was periodically comprised of panels which showed Lil' Robin Redpants running hither and yon, startling gape-mouthed strangers with a plate of cakes, the dialogue bubbles consisting entirely of one of his improvised and nonsensical songs. Extrapolation Lil' Robin has been described as a metaphor for the Jack of beanstalk fame. (Gonzales, 89) Non Canonical Text "Falling rain has often produced disaster." Robin uttered this non-sequitor to Lil' Dacusse in a strip three weeks before a flood in Santa Fe, Argentina destroyed hundred of homes, killing dozens and displacing thousands (January, 1961). Alexandre Dacusse had left a friend's house, where he had been staying, only two nights before. Though his friend did not live in Argentina, bullets were dodged in the vernacular. See Also * Heartplug Logos logos n. 1. Cosmological term for the intitial motion of the unmoving mover, specifically, the generative word of God; the first word, resulting in the creation of the one million things. 2. singular. A compact visual "branding" design, used extensively in the distribution of Poob Culture. 3. AA code-word for tedious bloviation. 4. A Czech vulgarity. See Also * Run! * Seize Him! Lollipop Enclave In addition to being a collection of "killer tunes" produced by legendary Beta Chimp producer and increasingly disgruntled visionary Steven Vogeler, it is also the title of a collection of essays by anonymous member of The League of Men with Fancy Gloves published in 1959 decrying Poob Culture and its notions of God. Desiderata AA wannabee and lurid performance artist Liddy Broom once did a piece called Lolita-pop Enclave where she dressed as a small child à la Shirley Temple, sucked on a giant lollipop provocatively and had a legless midget stuff yams into her anus with his tongue. See Also * Associationalist Composition No.1 * Sven and The Tingles</div>

Payne foobar Tub Book: Glossary I - K 2008-02-25T03:47:15Z 2008-02-25T03:47:15 2008-02-25T03:47:15Z

Summary: pasted I <hr /> <div>Iagoville Iagoville is a small town in Northwestern Whatever, founded by some fellow who had a deep appreciation of Othello -- initially naming his only child "Honest Iago" until uncountable flurries of punching caused him to reconsider, re-christening his boy "Poopster Den", after the Math Rock band founded nearly a hundred years later in the same town, immediately following the delighful coronation of birds, as painted by Max Ernst in a profoundly autonomic manner, indeed. In most circumstances, Iagoville is considered a town, but recent events have led many lovers of enigmatic demographic benchmarks to propose an alternative nomenclature. The none-too-obscure "suburb" remains a perennial favorite, due mostly to the opening of a second KFC. Some suggest, however, that the 5 miles of undeveloped quasi-rural property between Iagoville and the nearest fringe of legitimate sprawl from Northwestern Whatever make this label incompatible wih its true nature, which should in fact be best described as "post-redneck transitional proximity population node." See Also * Purvey Dicklock * Ryan O'Donnely * Zion Hoagie Imp imp im. 1. A diminutive human capable of preposterous nastiness and perversity. 2. euph. In Dacussian parlance, an under-aged female. 3. A large-nosed midget or dwarf, in this capacity used as slander. 4. A self-destructive urge. See Also * Gnomes * Homunculus * Lil' Robin Redpants Incident Incident pop. 1. Something contingent on or related to something else. 2. An occurrence or event that interrupts normal procedure or precipitates a crisis. 3. Falling upon or striking a surface. Extrapolation "The Incident differs from other material phenomena only through an involvement with perception and in this light can be studied under the mantle of etiology; the eye plays the part of an infecting agent of Mind, infusing the whole with meaning. The Incident is defined by it's relation to a viewer, who acts both as intrepreter and associational instigator. As further explanation, we may relax into the vernacular: if a tree falls in the forest and nobody is there to witness it, did it fall? The question moves from pure materialism to one of teleological concern, arguably the territory of cognition. Further, if a tree falls in the forest and nobody sees it, does it matter? Theorists of the Incident suggest not; natural activity occuring outside perception is of little, if any, concern." Non-Canonical Text Meat sometimes appears on the horizon -- a hundred years apart! See Also * Autotelic * Incidentalist Incidentalism Current of AA thought made manifest after the 3rd AA International Conference. Incidentalism is stoic, "realist" or rather, naturalist, hard-core, whimsical, realpolitik, cynical, smiling and quite trustworthy. It is that strain of AA thought which focuses not on the Accident, the flicker of chance which precedes perception. Nor the Association, which turns that glimpsed thereof into the pattern developing from a series of such minute explosions. No, it is the event itself they revel in. Incidentalists do not believe in revelation but hunch, deduction and construction. Incidentalists want to minimalize spectacle, but they do want spectacle insamuch as they prefer a flea-circus to the Super Bowl. Whimsical and amiable, however, in that all Accidents and Associations can meet at the sand pit for a game of horseshoes. Mazzistow Carrington, Verna Cable and Steven Adkins can be seen lurking about Incidentalist shindigs. See Also * Incidentalist Dead Flesh Bonanza Incidentalist Dead Flesh Bonanza A Way Outre The Incidentalist Dead Flesh Bonanza is an annual barbecue (BBQ) held on the American continent since the late 1960's. Though the origin of the festival is obscure, it's contemporaneous manifestation served as an immediately adequate curative to the strife resulting from the 3rd AA International Conference. Currently cookin' up the goods every last Saturday in August, it attracts up to 500 visitors each year. Abdullah (Bean Man) Alabudi edged out an unknown named Dill Herbert at last year's chili cook-off, but the competition is as hot as the chili. Counting Beans The sack race, egg toss and pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey are still popular activities, though since 1990 they've been held earlier in the day to combat the effects of drunkenness. Stimes Addisson tripped over a cowshoe at the 1970 Bonanza and fractured his hip. The hip, thoroughly shattered, was but one of many ailments which plagued Addisson in his later years. Cane in tow, "Make way for the gimp!" became the battle cry when confronted with a queue, usually accompanied by a grinning cartwheel of grace. Cooking With Fire The Bonanza was last held in August 2004 in Tampa at the residence of early AARG sympathist Douglas Coyle. Current AA partisans Tim Wilson, Steven Vogeler, Krystine Monitzer and Steven Adkins attended the shin-dig with bells on -- literally. Shaped like crude dreidls, these playful objects spun like the beards on a belly dancer, which is to say, counter-clockwise. The bells, in addition to warding off mosquitos, commemorated the creation of the golem as described in the Poobinomicon and added delightful jingle-jangling to the rough and tumble of the three-legged race and the wheelbarrow. A watermelon weighing 13 pounds was ritually consumed. See Also * Mazzistow Carrington Infancy infancy new. 1. Baby-hood. 2. A state of newness, pregnant with possiblity. 3. A rudimentary stage; early history. 4. obs. Silent. Murder, Neotenybaric mistaken strato neoteny "...life seemed to be headed towards elbow patches and pipes when he received the letter that would change his life. This letter was intended for Stimso Adid, who lived at a nearly identical address. Addisson, having little better to do and intrigued by such an event, decided to pay this Adid a visit and see what kind of person he was. The meeting changed his life." See Also * Creation Myths * Dewey Rose Jingo jingo n. 1. The cant of Poobs. 2. A popular Lil' AA character. 3. A person who encourages war and militancy; of a particular nationalist slant; an asshole. 4. A Scottish exclamation of surprise, considered mildly ribald in certain cirles (By jingo!).1 Extrapolation When Lil' AA creator Jonathan Trenchwheat created Jingo in August of 1964, the character was originally a woman. Conceived as a kind of "cutie-pie Red Lady of Babylon", Trenchwheat hurriedly transformed the character into a dwarf in the very next Sunday strip. Though the change was inexplicable, not a single reader complained and the Red Lady was never heard from again. Even reprints of the single panel of Jingo's introduction have been excised, replaced with a rather crudely scrotted illustration of a pigeon. The original run has since become somewhat of collector's item, and, collectors being what they are (Poobs), the origin of the character's name has been subject to some speculation.2 Some have pointed to the dwarf's habit of stamping on bystander's toes, suggesting a connection of pointless militarism. Other's have suggested Freudian connection between the Red Lady and the jingo-ring, a ritual game popular in Scotland around during the late 1800s. Jingo-ring was similar to ring-around-the-rosy; young girls would link hands, encircling and twirling about a central lass (the "jingo") while sing-song-chanting, "Here we go the jingo-ring, The jingo-ring, the jingo-ring, Here we go the jingo-ring, About the merry-ma-tanzie." Trenchwheat remains tight-lipped, even (some have suggested) somewhat annoyed by the whole debate; he typically responds to letters of inquiry on the topic with an envelope of used dental floss. Notes Note 1: Richard Lancelyn Green, whose grandfather was extraordinarily Scottish, was a real fan of the saying, especially after a couple sifters of brandy. Note 2: Stan Lee added fuel to the fire when he referenced the strip in his popular Son of Origins (Simon & Schuster. New York, New York. 1975) collection, noting that "...those familiar with Iron Man today may be shocked by his original appearance, as Marvel pulled a real Jingo twist on his costume." Johnny Cake Jo(h)nny Cake pnu. 1. Euphemism for the pancake among American settlers and their descendants. 2. Tim Wilson's funkadelic audio release from 1996, on the short-lived Alpha Chimp label. Extrapolation Lambasted by Rolling Stone as "pure crap," the album has still managed to find a steady audience. Cuts can frequently be heard on the kind of college radio stations prone to playing Jandek (http://tisue.net/jandek/). Track Listing 1. Over The Hump, Darlin' 2. We've Got the Motts 3. The Ballad of Pants McFadden 4. Crank the Shaft, Squat the World 5. Have A Slice of Johnny 6. Call me Mr. Funky, But Call Me 7. Plump Sister Roll Over 8. Essay On The New Machinery 9. You Dropped the Bum On Me 10. Super-Doodle Non-Canonical Text "I've outrun an old man, and an old woman, and a little boy, and two well-diggers, and two ditch-diggers, and a bear, and a wolf, and I can outrun you too-o-o." Last words of Have A Slice of Johnny. See Also * Pickle * Sausage * Snack Cake Kapital kapital km 1. Money, and plenty of it, as posited by need and hunger; desire plays a part, but only when cash is exchanged for DVD's. 2. A book by Marx and Engels. See Also * poob bargain Knot knot n. 1. A thorny problem. 2. The product of tying; a means of joining rope or holding things fast. 3. A lumpy protrusion. 4. An entanglement; a dense interlacing of vapor. 5. A nautical measurement of speed. 6. Marriage (To tie the knot). Usage "...a technical marvel of stupendous importance in the history of sailing and lynching..." "...not to be confused with not..." -- Alice in Wonderland See Also * Bolt * The Double Stimes * La Ligue du Masque Cancéreux * The Untieable Knot * The Worship of Tits Kumquat kumquat re. 1. An egg-like fruit. 2. A whooping cry issued at the apex of masculatorian coital experience. 3. A migrant worker's daughter. Extrapolation Choco used the word in his infrequent insults, such as in the following: "Kumquat-assed bitch!" This came from a strip during a storyline which ran from July 16 and August 10, 1982. Unusually dark and brooding, we saw Choco undergo a series of defeats and moral setbacks that led him briefly to alcohol and abusive behavior towards women. Fortunately, series creator Jonathan Trenchwheat put a stop to this downward spiral and Choco again became the sober and gentlemanly figure which has become so beloved in many parts of the civilized world. See Also * Nut * Watermelon</div>

Payne foobar Tub Book: Glossary F - H 2008-02-25T03:43:05Z 2008-02-25T03:43:05 2008-02-25T03:43:05Z

Summary: pasted f <hr /> <div>Face face n 1. A collection of sensory organs mounted on the frontal surface of the head of more-or-less complex biological entities. 2. The surface which presents itself (The face of the cliff; the bald face truth.) 3. A communicative device somewhat awkwardly utilized by blind men. 4. Home of the mustache. Non Canonical Text "The face is the primary mode of expression for humans, chimps, and crickets. Hands are a close second for all three species." -- Clementine, Dapper. A Nature Lover's Guide to Loving in Nature. University of Minnesota Press, Minneapolis. 1971. "Face it; we're finished." -- Marvin Rex Rittenhouse, from the last column of The Backyard Fence, perhaps alluding to a rumored blackmail scheme by Patter O'Donnely. See Also * Ears * Eyes * Mouth * Nose Fallen stone Fallen Stone(s) sahu. 1. Occult mirror through which the powers of man are distracted. Extrapolation "The meteorite has always exerted a powerful influence over the imagination. What child, nay, what adult, has not marvelled under those graceful arcs of fire, so transient, so tantalizing, that are shooting stars? Is it any wonder that with our contemporary sense of the marvellous, the ancients took the shooting star for something even greater? A stone from the roof of the sky, perhaps even a piece of heaven itself?" --Elysius Dubord, The Origins of Mormo Worship in Chaldean Mythology (1932) Twinkle Twinkle Throughout history mankind has worshipped the unknown and the dwelled in shadow, primitivistic urges little advanced beyond the endless sniffing of faeces so common among dogs and lesser species. The belief system built upon the imaginary will eventually collapse and the society to which it gave stucture will succumb to the forces of Associational entropy, drowning in failed belief, anatelic, crumbling evermore. But what of a God whose Will cracks across the sky in a startling display of atmospheric hullabulloo? What of the shooting star, sparkling like diamonds across the breast of Night, popping the dull cork of religions and landing it, once and for all, in the realm of the real, the Archimedic, beyond eternal Poobanism and like that. Dubord associates Mormo with a minor Chaldean demigod called Mommo, a great warrior, but human. One day he set out to look for a stone which he had seen fall to earth and blinded by the sun invented the first denumbrator. He recovered the stone, which had fallen from the great vaults of the sky where Sirus soars -- from the very arches that support the heavens and separate the gods from the men of earth. When Mommo found the fallen boundary stone, he aquired great powers. He made of himself a king, so arrogant as to challenge the very gods. As powerful as he had become, however, he was no match for the gods; he was banished by Enlil and forced to roam the planet forever. To protect himself and the other gods, Enlil then hid the fallen stone inside the head of another wandering immortal. In his bitter state of earthbound immortality, Mommo sent his followers in search of the stone; when they found a likely candidate for the living hiding place, they naturally cut the person's head off to look inside for the stone. Dubord claims that Mormo, then, is merely Mommo by another name, and that the sacrifices associated with the former are the result of a misreading by Ankaran worshippers of Mommo's purpose: they knew nothing of a fallen stone but believed their god was demanding sacrifice to augment his power and satiate his thirst for death, as in the Mormo Death Cycle. Dubord's theory, although far from widely accepted, still inspires provocative questions. An entire sub-genre of occult literature has grown up around his rather modest and rigorously scholarly book which has unfortunately caused many to look upon Dubord as some sort of crank who merits no attention whatsoever. But this is unfair to the mild-mannered professor, who in no way intended to posit what many have sought to ascribe to his writings. That which was lost One of Dubord's "wild step-children" is self-styled "investigative mythologist" William Henry, whose article "Shock ‘n Awe: We Will Rock You" (21 March 2003) contains quite a bit of clever word play linking the current war in Iraq with ancient Babylonian mythology. As Elysuis points out, it is widely believed that during the period of Jewish history known as the Babylonian exile, Chaldean mythology had a great influence on the development of the mysticism found in the Kabbala. Starting with "Shock and Awe," the phrase used by the US military to describe the first phase of its Iraq invasion, Henry sees a reference to the Kabbalistic name of the feminine presence of God: "Shakina," who was exiled after the destruction of the Temple of Solomon. In her exile, she has variously been referred to as "the Widow" the "Stone of Exile" and the "Precious Stone." Arguably, her return from exile will precipitate the reconstruction of Solomon's Temple, which--according to the fundamentalist Christians George Bush associates himself with--is necessary before the Christ can make his encore performance. According to an article in the Christian Science Monitor (6 August 2003), Iraqi folklore credited Saddam Hussein's occult powers to a "magic stone" he wore around his neck. What if the whole point of the Iraq war was to recover that stone? Shakina, the Precious Stone, was associated with the Ark of the Covenant, which makes any army who bears it invincible. Henry also points out that another element of the Shock and Awe campaign were the much-vaunted "decapitation strikes." In Grail Romances, Percival is almost always, despite all other differences among their various authors, called the "Son of the Widow Lady." In Wolfram Von Eschenbach's version, the Templars are the Grail guardians, which is a stone called "lapsit exillis." This is bastard Latin which can be interpreted as "the stone, exiled." Whether the stone fell from heaven or was forced up by geomantic upheaval matters but little -- for Constantine himself, speaking from beyond Life in the vehicle of decapitation, blessed the Christian forces invading the Holy Land. What more does a sword need than the whetting stone of Christianity's true founder? An Exemplary Construct Freemasons are also referred to as "Widow's Sons," and a lost stone plays an important part in their mythology. A lost keystone, for example, is the whole point of the highest degree of the Royal Arch. Hiram Ibiff, the Freemason's martyred hero, is finally killed by a wound to the head while in charge of building Solomon's Temple. Decapitated heads are often associated with the grail legends as well as the Templars. Richard the Lion-Hearted is said to have decapitated thousands of prisoners during the Third Crusade. The Templars were said to worship before heads and to hold something which guaranteed fertility and protection, much as decapitated heads have figured in Celtic and Welsh mythology (one of Shakina's places of exile is rumored to be Ireland). This could be the Grail or the Ark, both of which were said to hold these powers. Peek-a-Boo The biggest problem with piecing this history together is that after legend placed the stone in the head of an immortal, it was never retrieved. The historical record lacks any explicit connection, but this has not stopped people from searching. Texts this ancient are few, so many scholars have looked to Biblical references, including chapter 4 of Joshua, where God commanded Joshua to place twelve stones with the Ark of the Covenant. While it takes an extreme leap of faith to accept that these stones were somehow related to the fallen stone, several interesting facts fall into place once you make the jump. The Ark, and it's accompaniment of stones, was later placed in Solomon’s Temple. The inner sanctum of the Temple, which held the Ark, was demarcated by encircled stones that separated the Profane from the Sacred. It seems likely that these were the same stones brought to the Ark by Joshua. As in Chaldean mythology, the stones demarked the separation of gods and men. The treasures of the Temple were later stolen by Nebuchadnezzar II of Babylon. Nebuchadnezzar’s name in Akkadian translates to “Nebo, protector the boundary-stone.”1 No mention of the Ark or the stones is made when the treasures were returned to the Israelites. Interestingly, the Kaaba, the holiest of Islamic shrines, contains a similar arrangement to the Temple, wherein a Holy area is set off from the world of sinners. Is it possible that the stones left the Chaldeans, entered the hands of the Israelites, only to be wrestled away by the Muslims who keep it hidden away? Another possibility has been posited. Nebuchadnezzar also conquered the Phoenician city of Tyre. Curiously, Hiram I, the King of Tyre, had provided vital assistance with the construction of the Solomon’s Temple. Tyre was later conquered by Alexander the Great, and eventually fell under an early Christian influence. Later still, it was absorbed into the Islamic tradition, only to be conquered during the First Crusade. Legend has it the Holy Grail was recovered from Tyre by the Templars. Did they actually take the stone, which as since been misrepresented as the Holy Grail? Much of the speculation surrounding the stone and Tyre rests on etymology. The Hebrew and Arabic names for the city (Zor and Sour or Sor, respectively) both translate to "rock" or "stone" in an apparent reference to the rocky island where the city is situated. But the word "Tyre" traces back to Indo-European word "Dyeus", which meant “sky”.2 It's not a great leap to see that this was a town alternatively named for the Heavens and the Earth -- perhaps a strong magnet for a stone fallen from the arches separating Heaven and Earth. Still Crazy After All These Years If we assemble these references together, a pattern emerges; are the Holy Grail, the Ark of the Covenant, an exiled widow, a fallen stone and a decapitated head one and the same? It is no wonder that much has been made of Dubord's theory. If Mommo went around cutting off heads in order to "get his groove back," the Gnomic, Mormo-infested US government might do the same. Plastic Tub believes that if true, the US didn't find what they were looking for when they pulled a gaunt Saddam Hussein from his hole in the ground. Decapitations are still in fashion all over Iraq as so-called "insurgents," most likely CIA operatives hunting for the fallen stone, make their gruesome home movies in a rather clumsy revelation of their search. Agents haven't met with much sucess in regard to Bin Laden either. Days after 9-11, a small CIA hit squad led by Gary Schroen was sent to Afghanistan to "Capture Bin Laden, kill him and bring his head back in a box on dry ice." As for his cohorts? Shroen was told to put their heads on pikes. Four years after the attacks he masterminded on 9-11, Bin Laden remains at large. Perhaps his head holds the fallen stone.... "I heard that Saddam Hussein, in solitary confinement, was spending his time writing poetry, reading the Koran, eating cookies and muffins, and taking care of some bushes and shrubs. I heard that he had placed a circle of white stones around a small plum tree." -- Eliot Weinberger, What I Heard about Iraq (2005) The Beat Goes On The fallen stone has made its way into other mythical traditions as well. At Islam's holiest site, there is a shrine called the Kaaba, or Kaba. One of the cornerstones is a meteorite 50 cm in diameter, surrounded by a silver band that holds it together due to damage sustained while being returned 22 years after it was stolen by Ismaeli raiders in 930 CE. The stone is believed to have fallen during Adamic times and that it was originally a dazzling pure white, having turned black after absorbing the sins of true believers. This stone is called Al-Hajaral Aswad. (Many have speculated that the Ismaelis were to have some important contact with the Templars. Interesting in this story is that the Templars in their turn are said to have influenced the Freemasons, who place a great deal of importance on symbolic cornerstones. The White House and the Capitol Building, for example, have Freemasonic cornerstones.) In Matthew 13:45-46, Jesus tells a parable known as the "Pearl of Great Price." In this parable a merchant finds a pearl so alluring he sells all of his belongings to buy it, ending up wealthier than ever. In this parable Jesus is commonly believed to be illustrating that the pearl, or the Kingdon of Heaven, is worth sacrificing everything for; it is the ultimate treasure. In the Acts of Thomas, a Gnostic text from ca. 200 CE, one also finds the "Hymn of the Pearl" (aka "Hymn of the Robe of Glory") as a metaphor for the exile and redemption of the soul. In the Hymn, a noble youth is sent to Egypt to recover a precious pearl guarded by a serpent. Once there, he loses his identity, forgetting not only his family and where he comes from, but who he is as well. After a series of encounters he comes back to himself, lulls the serpent to sleep and snatches the pearl, recovering the splendid, glittering robe which had ben made for him by his parents and which during his "exile" he had removed and forgotten. In a bit of Jungian synchronicity, ancient Chinese lore relates that pearls were formed in the brains of dragons, and guarded between their teeth. The dragon had to be slain before the pearl could be retrieved. Pearls were said to fall from the clouds when dragons fought. The black pearl, in particular, was a symbol of wisdom. Some of these themes are repeated in the Pearl, a 14th century poem believed to be by the author of Sir Gawain and the Green Knight, a Grail Romance. In this poem, a young man falls asleep and dreams that he has lost his precious pearl. Perceiving a maiden, he asks if she is his lost pearl. She says that his pearl is not lost, but a rose which has withered. The youth wonders if the maiden has replaced Mary as the Queen of Heaven. Later, wearing the pearl, she instructs him on sin and redemption and exhorts him to forsake all he has to buy the pearl. He asks of the New Jerusalem, and she says he may not enter but can see it. He is led up a river to a spot where he sees the Blessed entering the Kingom of God and plunges into the river to join them; he awakes from his dream at this point, resolved to fulfill the wishes of God. Is this maiden--associated with the lost stone-- Shakinah, guide to the reconstructed Temple? In Polynesia, the black pearl was called "the pearl of queens" or the "queen of pearls." Many legends surround the pearl. According to one, Oro, the god of peace and fertility, came down to earth on a rainbow, offering the pearl oyster to man. In another, the spirits of coral and sand adorned one "Te Ufi" with a cloak of the colors of all the fish that swim in Polynesia. The glory of the heavens came to rest on the ocean bed in the iridescent mother-of-pearl, which was considered a gift from the sky to the sea. The Greeks and Romans thought pearls were born in oysters when rain or dew penetrated between the layers. The Persians thought the same, but they believed that if a pearl was imperfect it was due to thunder in the sky. Another says pearls are born from the meeting of a rainbow with the earth. The Pearl of Great Price is also the name of the second holiest Book of Mormonism, which of course is a well-known front for a powerful Mormo Cult. Although not a meteorite, the pearl is a stone of great power. In fundamentalist belief systems, the fallen stone represents a literal thing, an object to be retrieved from within someone's head. More mystically-oriented believers feel that the pearl is symbolic of some sort of knowledge, a key to heaven, if you will, represented by a stone hidden in the head of an "immortal," or person of lasting import and influence. See Also * Beanstalk Hero Myths * Desert Shield II * Creation Myths * Opened Head * Ritual Murder * Stone and Stone Worship (article from the Jewish Encylopedia) (http://www.jewishencyclopedia.com/view.jsp?artid=1111&letter=S) Notes Note 1: Saddam Hussein invoked the name of Nebuchadnezzar in his propaganda, identifying himself as his modern incarnation. Note 2: "Dyeus" refers specifically to a sunny sky. It stems from a verb which meant "to shine" and made its way to English as “day” through the Latin “dis”. It is closely related to the word “deiwos” which meant “god”. “Deiwos” which made it’s way to English as “deity” and “divine” through the Latin “divus” ("god") and as the stem of “Tuesday” from the proto-Germanic “Tiw” (also "god"). (Hence "Tues" and "day" stem from the same word, rejoined after centuries of branching apart, rooting across Europe.) It's interesting to note that the Indo-European god Dyus ptr (“Sky father”) was brought forward as “Dyaus Pitar” or “Dyau Pitar” (also “Sky Father”) in Sanskrit and as “Zeus” in Greece. “Zue pater”, Greek for “Sky father” was then carried from the Greek to Latin as “Jupiter”. Feast Day Feast Day n. 1. Sidereal concurrence of meaning, counsel and food. 2. Blessings, consecrations, and jubilatory indulgence in accordance with particular diurnal sequences. 3. Perennial and permanent days of exaltation, extolliation and reverie for AA adherents. 4. Any day that involves carousing with enormous turkey legs or the methodical indulgence of Austrian ale and polish sausage in the company of a german lampshade or greaser gal. Usage "Don't worry baby, I'll be home by Stimso's Day eve." -- Mazzistow Carrington to an unknown bedmate Filament filament gn. 1. A communication accreted, divided, sent, re-applied. 2. The function of speech as utilized by inanimate soul-less objects. 3. The connective fiber of association, deriving from the accident, and consitituting the interconnectedness of the one million things. 4. Information found to be inviolate to vapor, fumic intrusion or infection. 5. An Illuminist's tool. 6. That which is not used whilst noodling for catfish. See Also * Gnostic Materialism * Hang Man * Puppet * The Untieable Knot Flap flap vn 1. Action of the uppers limbs causing or imitating flight. 2. A row, fight. 3. Movement by a flapper. 4. A fat chick, according to a young Ahmed Capra; umbrella. 5. Dust jacket; flexible fold (skin, cloth, meal, rubber, paper, etc.). See Also * Art Doll * Flapjack Florida Danglin' off the mainland like a donkey's cock, with the Keys slowly dribbling off into the Caribbean: Florida's no stranger to bad freakiness. An elaborate electronical modeling by Cal State showed that if 27 hitchhikers were scattered across the continent and set to randomly thumbing about the US, they all end up bouncin' through Florida in under 27 months flat. Sounds like a steamy load of horse shit to us, but who the hell wants to argue stats with Cal State? We've gotta admit, though, that circumstantial evidence points to many a poor soul lost in the Southern-most state. See, for example, the strange tale of Kevin Statham--where are you, mate? More tales abound in the Tub, where we find interest in Florida as the home to: * Encephalitus City, the vicious cross roads of Speed Ray and Chrystal Kelp * Tampa, that seedy home of the seedier Harbor Club and the seediest of Mom Jokes, not to mention that powder keg we coyly call The Second Advance * Alpha Chimp, which released the blazingly hot funk and spoken word of Johnny Cake * Easton W. Wunderkidd's plot, Sandra Day's brains and Dr. Shitzby Bathworthy's charred hide * Geomachy incarnate, as she saddles the western rim of the Bermuda Triangle with a curdle of white sands See Also * Bending Denim * Bruce * Manatee * Tampa Founding Fathers Founding Fathers aka "Fathers of Our Country," "Forefathers," "Framers." 1. The men who signed the Declaration of Independence, United States Constitution or otherwise participated in the American Revolution as Patriots. 2. Vaporic constructs which form the moral-reference point for the beleaguered ideals of U.S.. 3. In AA parlance, the AAers featured in the publication Who We Are. 4. Stimes Addisson and Stimso Adid. 5. A group of dead men. Extrapolation While civilization called out and generally inscribed the size of ballsacks, an entire culture of vaginas existed beyond ken. Thus we find Founding Fathers in theorectical rout with constant Founding Motherhood -- it is between these two sloppy beast-hards where our divorced opining spins goofball records, gets maybe a tatoo or pukes, irrevocably, over five yards of China silk. See Also * Geomachy * Guvernor Morris * Stinking Weed Notes Note 1: Would be wooers take heed: this "strategy" is startling in its lack of success and renowned for yielding spectacular failures. Framers framers jfk. 1. Shifty perps who veil the stooge, ensnaring events through post-association; those bent on smear campaigns. 2. Those who erect the foundation or scaffolding upon which a structure is mounted; Founding Fathers. 3. Those blackguards, associates of the League of Gnomes, who were responsible for the dissemination of disinformation designed to further Pooban ideals. 4. Those who connect the stars and craft the Zodiac; astrologers. Non Canonical Text “…goddamn frame jobbin’, finger pointin’, blackmailin’, son of a guns…’’--Johnny Cash. Unpublished Songs. See Also * Balthazar Buehb * Counterfeiting gangs * Knot * Psy-ops * Unseen hand Freemasonry Freemasonry org. 1. A vast number of self-inflated and pseudo-veiled autotelic human organizations of dwindling membership formed in medieval times; principally granted value via conspiracy theories bolstered by peculiar opposition from various other autotelic human organizations (e.g., the Church and communist governments). Non Canonical Text Like the last wriggles of deflating balloon, Or the twitches of worms cut in two; Once puffed with vapor -- Now wheezing on fumes -- Miller, Arthur. Noted in margins of early draft of "Death of a Salesman." Circa 1948. See Also * Founding Fathers * Geomachy Fumes fume(s) A. 1. The product of a failed evocation, liable to sprain a limb and rend the mind. 2. Born, jacketed, sent on his way from the altar where Abraham failed in duty; named Ishmael when the name should be Isaac, named Isaac when the name should be Ishmael; a clamp. 3. The by-product or remainder of vapor. 4. False testimony, a simulacra. 5. The remaining portion of a previous wealth; the product of reduction. Usage "This culture is running on whatchacall, fumes." -- Televy Gide, in his fortunate confession. "If a bullet could talk, this bullet shot fume like a foamy thigh." -- the Old Blind Man in Blood Red Blues. See also * Accidentalism * God * Human hand * Moist Air * Molech Geloscopy Geloscopy vn. 1. Divination by means of laughter or mirth; prophecy through chuckles, used to unveil the hidden and to bring it sniggering to light. 2. The use of humor for the elucidation of a problem or to otherwise grapple about the edge of a bit, wringing it dry really, but getting shit done, solving it, opening it. 3. The primary means of Accidentalist evocation, using primal vaporic language. 4. mach. Device used to produce laughter in the fatidic sense, and employed by geloscopists. 5. euph. A common pick-up scheme employed by canny men with a fearsome or otherwise displeasing aspect. Extrapolation The original geoscope was little more than a modified gnathic seismograph (http://blog.modernmechanix.com/2006/08/30/gnathograph). Gene Transfer Gene Transfer jupit. 1. The movement and coincident mingling of genetic material, primarily through fucking1 although not limited to such. 2. Jumping ship for a purpose other than escape. 3. The gratuitous exchange of denim pants. Extrapolation Seemingly in abeyance to physical law, gene transfer often astounds with its ability to rock out with its very unlikely cock out. Alexandre Dacusse was a dexterous and invigorating initiator of vertical gene transfer, though he preferred missionary style. See Also * Accidentalism * Transpanting Notes Note 1: The sexual commingling of genetic material is referred to by seemingly straight-faced scientists as vertical gene transfer. Horizontal gene transfer refers to situations like Peter Parker. Geomachy geomachy nv. 1. An occlusion of blood, exemplified in this instance by a clarity of geographical focus; the associationalist's sleep-shirt. 2. A dirigible for which tickets are always available and upon which only certain names are inscribed. 3. Synonymous with the Pooban geomancy. 4. The poesy of forecasting events or gaining of supernatural information through intellectual collision with the autotelic architecture of vapor; most generally, this applies to natural or geological structures, but it is increasingly being applied to the Associationalist appraisal of human structures, sculpture and related hand-works. Extrapolation The D.C. Pentagram is a configuration of streets in Washington, D.C., which surrounds and encompasses a surprising large number of Freemasonic points of reference as well as the White House. Conspiracy theories abound with claims that this is evidence of some sort of conspiracy wherein Freemasonic/Satanic forces dominate U.S. Government. The general idea is that the city design displays an intermeshing of Satanic and Freemasonic imagery and symbology which engulfs the seat of governmental power, and thus serves to either symbolize or actually magically empower the Freemasonic/Satanic control of the United States. While it’s true that there is, in fact, a very visible (if incomplete) pentagram formed in the D.C. street plan, there are at least two major flaws with this theory. First, although Freemasons and Satanic cults both share a veil of secrecy, they are fundamentally incompatible (despite what the Church tends to claim). Second, contrary to the popular belief of arm-chair occultists, the pentagram is not strictly a Satanic symbol. Although the pentagram has been somewhat recently adopted by Satanists as a symbol of the Beast, its roots are significantly deeper than the contemporary Christian view of Satan; indeed, its use as a symbol can be easily traced back as far as ancient Egypt and Babylon where its symbology is deeply meshed within various Death Cults. In this wider historical context, the pentagram is better viewed as symbol or magical invocation of capturing or containment. In this sense, the conspiracies may be correct –- perhaps the pentagram is meant to serve as a symbolic means of a controlling ensnarement. But what the conspiracies fail to note is that both the governmental and Freemasonic seats of power seem to be contained within the D.C. pentagram. Could it be that a third agency is at play, utilizing the pentagram to wrestle control over both the U.S. government as well as the Freemasons? Before delving to deeply into the symbolic underpinnings of the cityscape, let us briefly explore the design. History of the D.C. Design The center of D.C. was originally designed by Pierre Charles L'Enfante, a Frenchman who had attained the rank of Major in the Continental Army. L'Enfante is known to have infused his design with symbolic purpose. For example, his dislike for Justice John Jay is widely credited as the reason why his plan skipped J Street in the D.C. layout. (I Street is adjacent to K street.) (Let us momentarily jump back to our understanding of the D.C. pentagram as a snare, imprisoning Freemasons and politicians alike. If this is correct, why would Justice John Jay be left out? Contemporary populist wisdom claims a venomous L'Enfante excluded Jay (J) out of professional jealousy. But this is simply incorrect. L'Enfante and Jay shared a common political yearning to remain one with the Continent; thrust into Revolution, they went with the times. Both shared companionship with Benjamin Franklin, and all three, in fact, briefly shared residence in Paris during 1781. And, if certain diaries of certain Madames of Paris are to be believed, both shared a certain "fondness" for well-fed children; among certain circles, it is said that French support for the rebellious colonies was nearly withdrawn before Franklin was able to use cash, expulsion of specific fellow countrymen and bribery to smooth over the disappearance of several Parisian children. Perhaps their "dislike" for one another was simply a cover to prevent the linking of the two with mangled infancy? What exactly does "l'enfante" mean?) L'Enfante's plan was significantly modified by surveyor Andrew Ellicott and his assistant Benjamin Bannaker when they began their work in 1791. Contrary to some popular internet "theorists", none of the three men were Freemasons. Over time, Washington evolved naturally and the street plan strayed from L'Enfante's vision. At one point, for example, what is now the National Mall was a muddy field used for grazing cattle and marred by an ugly railway station. In 1901, a Commission chaired by Senator James McMillan of Michigan was formed to restore the Mall to L'Enfante's original vision. Among the experts he engaged was Frederick Law Olmsted, Jr., a landscape architect who was, like McMillan, not a Freemason. Olmstead did, however, previously redesign the Capitol building grounds, in 1874. That design is of interest in AA circles because of its purported resemblance to an owl. Major points on the D.C. Pentagram 1. Dupont Circle 2. Logan Circle 3. Mt. Vernon Square 4. The White House 5. Washington Circle 6. Farragut Square 7. McPherson Square 8. Franklin Park 9. Lafayette Park Tracing the Pentagram Dupont Circle (1) and Logan Circle (2) form the two leg-points of a pentagram. The legs trace down 15th St. and Connecticut Avenue where, if continued, would form the bottom tip of the star at the center of the White House (4). They are, however, broken at K Street by Farragut Square (6) and McPherson Square (7). The lines pick back up after the Squares, but they are broken again at LaFayette Park (9). K Street forms the bar of the pentagram and culminates at Mount Vernon Square (3) and Washington Circle (5). The star is incomplete. From Logan Circle, Rhode Island Avenue seeks to complete the pentagram, but it stops, leaving the left arm incomplete from where RI meets Connecticut (connect it cut?) until Washington Circle. Pennsylvania Avenue, New Hampshire Avenue, New York Avenue, and P Street form a near perfect pentagon around the star, but from Logan Circle to Mount Vernon Square (the opposite of the broken arm), it is unfinished. Of further interest is the flattened appearance of the pentagram. Usually pentagrams are more symmetrical, designed so that they fit perfectly into a circle; the D.C. pentagram, however, most nimbly fits into an ellipse. Just south of the White House, this is mirrored in that part of the National Mall known as "The Ellipse," an elliptical road 1 km in length in President's Park which is centered upon the point of the pentagram. The Ellipse was part of L'Enfante's original design. In 1919 a marker known as the Zero Milestone was dedicated there. The Zero Milestone, inspired by the Imperial Roman "Golden Milestone," was intended to be the point from which all distances to D.C. are calculated. It has engravings on five sides; the north features a winged helmet of the type associated with Mercury, or Hermes. "As Above, So Below," anyone? L'Enfante, incidentally, intended this point to be one mile east of the Capitol. Masonic Names 16th Street bisects the pentagram right down the middle; P Street runs the base of the Pentagon, exactly 13 blocks north of the White House. Where 16th meets P, there is a Masonic Temple which serves as the headquarters of the Southern Jurisdiction of the Scottish Rite. Note that "P" is the 16th letter of the alphabet, which places the Temple at crossing where 16 meets itself. (Numerologists tend to perk up at this point, noting that 16 times 16 equals 256, a number infused with considerable lore.) Washington Circle is calumniated by 23rd Street. General George Washinton was, of course, a Freemason. Also note that Mount Vernon Square rests just north of I (Eye) Street (The "Eye" is included on maps of D.C.) Mount Vernon was Washington's home. David G. Farragut (First Admiral of the Navy) and the Marquis de LaFayette were also Freemasons. Logan Circle is Bisected by 13th Street. General John A. Logan, a Civil War hero who was made a Mason in Benton Lodge No. 64, Illinois. Lieutenant General Winfield Scott, whose circle lies at the crotch of the pentagram was not only a Freemason, but was invited to Cuba by a group of Freemasons, inspired by the events of 1848, to lead an insurrection against the Spanish. Scott died in 1849 before the plot could be carried out, shortly after having been transferred to Texas. Rear Admiral Samuel Francis DuPont came from a family of wealth, power and Freemasonic and (allegedly) Illuminist connections. The DuPont family had a role in building D.C. Was Major Brigadier General James Birdseye McPherson a Freemason? See Also * Augury * Founding Fathers * Geloscopy * Owl * Triskelion * The L'Enfant and Mcmillan Plans: Essay from the National Park Service German Lampshades German Lampshade kil. 1. As a shade catches light, a social convention which forestalls mention of eugenics or straight talk about the filthy. 2. Lampshades manufactured in Germany or by German laborers. 3. A lampshade made from an actual German. 4. euph. A shy and beautiful woman, a wallflower; a trophy wife. Extrapolation Marching Onward A counterfeiting gang in Iagoville linked to Ryan O'Donnely produced German Lampshades by the score in the late 1960's, selling them as anti-Semitic gag-gifts. Catering to a largely white-supremacist clientele, they released an astounding array of additional amusing products. For instance, a hook-nosed cock ring was introduced by fiat; then a finger that -- when pulled -- insulted the nearest group of Jewry. In the gang's master-stroke, they produced a lampshade that functioned not only as a world-class adumbrator but also, and perhaps more importantly, as a head-piece for drunken conventioneers and Klansmen in a pinch. The Photo-Op Experts agree that most German Lampshades on the market today are cheap-knockoffs made by the Swiss or worse, the French. Further, their post-modern minimilistic design does not allow for their employment as hats. Dieter Detour A large contingent of post-sassifiers have recently acknowledged the begrudging work of surveying the intellectual wasteland of reformative powersurges as exemplified in the understanding of the supposed holocaust victims in accordance with the conflicting evidence offered by the illustrious award of an hitherto entitled nation state with its continual holocaust of their own survival lines by the quote unquote allies? Non-Canonical Text There is some dish-flesh on my neck, and that's kind of sinister when you have a lampshade. Amusing pie-eyed office-mates. It is reported that "S", group-therapy relapsers, Christmas-addled accountants, solo-performers....Swiss Lampshades are made from hilarious drunks but also warm-up soup and "can melt a pat of butter from ten yards." Internet porn is a great way to do internet furniture research - father of three, Toledo See Also * Feast Day * Umbrage German School of Re-Design Famed School of Industrial Readiness and Colloquial Design, established by German AA dissidents in Costa Rica. Closely associated with the "rat-lines" which allowed Nazi officials to escape the fall of Germany, the school taught a severe, unbending approach to the arts, specifically those areas of expression deemed "irrevocably intolerable." In short, an idealism reigned supreme, the goal of which was no less than the "proper redesign of intolerable artifacts so prevalent in the decadent societies of the West." The school was mad about re-designing everything from the toothbrushes to the foot-saucer. Easton W. Wunderkidd nearly bankrupted the school in his South American Adventures Of 1948. Anti-Thesis The faculty was reknowned and included everything from industrial designers to choreographers. Juan Castillo (Professor of Dance), for example, was roundly applauded for his intricate use of the goose-step in the Tango. His cohort Pedro Wiggins introduced the Nazi salute into the dance. Though many will deny the true origins, their moves can be found in milongas over the world to this day. Although many of the School's projects were doomed to failure from the start (such as the notorious re-invention of the wheel campaign of 1953), other projects have had a profound on such diverse technologies as those involving spaceflight, nuclear weaponry, the manufacture of sausages and inline roller skates. On a more whimsical note, the School's introduction of the cube-shaped egg was enormousmy successful until public opinion turned against the concept after it was realized how much suffering this caused the chickens. Today the School's 27-acre campus outside of San Juan bristles with life as nearly 3000 students carry out cutting edge research in over 30 disciplines. It is a fully accredited learning institution. In addition to its central educational mission, the School has small but well-regarded programs for the arts and music, sports and jungle exploration. Hermenuetics High The school was not without its darkside. During the years after WWII many of the professors and students engaged in many concerted acts of rebellion. The School's rigorous modern curriculum still held tightly to the major attitudes of the Third Reich, especially concerning the visual arts and experimental and/or electronic music. The students subverted the system by holding clandestine symposiums in the underground bunkers beneath the jungle. In the boiler rooms beneath the campus they arranged artshows for the mentally challenged, the illiterate, the retarded. Mystery Date These events were often highlighted by Dionysian frenzies stimulated by electronic tones (arranged in primitive intervals) and the premier South American hallucinagen Ayahuasca. Over time, the participants fractioned out into smaller factions. In the beginning the rebellions were liberating and transcendent but soon became marred by transgressive violence and quickly shifted to its decadent stages. Although many of the factions disbanded after the South American Adventures Of 1948 there are rumors about a certain faction that fled the school for the jungle where they began their transformation back to the primitive. See Also * Clampers * Copenhagen Poob Research Institute * Newton Farnell Jameston * Psychoseismology Glasspants glasspants n. 1. Tight fitting jeans; a house of windows, mild winters with tons of prep. 2. A series of experiments by Adid and Addisson that went horribly and famously awry, resulting in arrests, embarrassment, bleeding, disfigurement and stiff knees. 3. prop. n. An elusively outspoken and reputedly fictional member of the poorly conceived (and arguably hoaxed) Minneapolis-based Bought Art Movement (BAM). See Also * Asian Thumbs * Snack Cake * Transpants * Yon Milhaus Gnostic Materialism A seeming contradiction in terms, Gnostic Materialism is a rough-hewn ontological system elaborated but thinly by Stimes Addisson in his seminal work, The Railroad of Filaments. It can perhaps best be summed in the closing remarks from that work: "I am confident the space around my head swims with a savage notation of Spirit -- Air is very nearly boiling with vapor. Demons, Angels, the Hand of all Gods Principalities and Countenances reach unto me, alighting my thoughts with symbol, damnation and benedictions of Grace -- but I believe not in such things. I reject the anassociational being: I leave it to the weeping of widows, the emptiness of starving children and the saucer-eyed platitudes of religious yeoman. But my atheism, my unbelief does not diminish the abilities of the Invisible to set ablaze in my life a firmament of Association. Each trembling filament of my thought becomes an epileptic paean to these mute Powers, to the leering apologia of my bent knee and to my servitude under the everlasting existence of things that, quite simply, do not exist." Non-Canonical Text Like a Gnostic receding in the mirror, Gnostic Materialists retreat from Sophia and reject the pleroma. Believing that substance is tainted through knowledge, they seek a state of mute slumber with dumb apes. As such, they serve as disruptive element in civilization and elevate the Dark Ages to the status of a Golden Age. Both ornery and capricious, their philosophical convolutions and warped logical extremities are almost predictable in their unpredictability. Their yearning for the opened head, for example, is driven by an understanding that the Gnosis is released in this state, for they believe that dull, gray substance of the brain seeks to rid itself of the mind. See Also * Ablation * God GOAT goat n. 1. Multipurpose omnivore. 2. Ancient symbol of Lasciviousness, or Lust. 3. AA totem animal (see Extrapolation, below). 4. Tenth sign on the O'Donnely Zodiac Placemats. 5. Alternately symbolic of both gluttony and aspiration. Extrapolation Much of today's enthusiasm for the Goat can be attributed to the ongoing celebration of the numerous enthusiasts of the Blackmore Freehold and surrounding pastures. Husbandary expert/electric guitarist Ritchie Blackmore founded the Freehold in 1975 after departing the sucessful music outfit Deep Purple. He attributes his early fascination with goats to a long weekend spent with Jimmy Page at the (former Alister Crowley estate) Boleskine House. Although the Estate was rumoured to be haunted and the owners assured occultists, Ritchie claims that it was a "scruffy young kid named Elijah that enamored him so." Non Canonical Text ". . . of the many fortitudes that providence has bestowed upon us his lowly creation is the unkind mirror of nature's participants which beguile a beard of goat a lion's mane and discomfort his environs with crag, root and weed". - Clemetus Gildenhonour's Canaanitic Demigods of the Lower Abrahammatic Deltas. Gildenhonour's resplendent pronunciamento of everything Capra may well fair as the penultimate screed on this topic. Although long out of print, the edition arrives on the occasional literary auction block and commands a stratospheric ransom. Philanues Heliophanes (in his final treatise on the influence of the pre-Bacchic cults The Vine and Vice) described the CDOTLAD as the quintessental document to explain the zietgiest and regress of the he-goat during the Pre-Hellenic epoch. "...Morris, you old goat..." - letter from President Jefferson to Guvernor Morris, upon learning that Sally Hemmings was pregnant. God god n. 1. The unmoving mover responsible for setting the universe in motion, and presumably, also responsible for it's burgeoning nillitude and inevitable collapse into hypergravitational peep-holery. 2. An invisible, vaporic creature responsible for damning and praising; a nosy landlord. 3. An object of extraordinary devotion or derision. 4. The conglomeration, in one hot tiny dot, of all existing information and possibility; hyle semenaunt or the ylem itself. 5. That which is higher than can be conceived without recourse to poetical technology. Usage "God -- aside from being non-existent -- has no Nose." -- Thought to be Stimso Adid's last utterance until it was discovered that he in fact, had not died. "You will taste the Mind of God." -- Spoken to Steven Vogeler by winning Iraqi Chili Cookoff Team U.S. Army Sgt. Theodore (Tex) Sanchez and Abdullah (Bean Man) Alabudi (Iraqi Export) at the 2003 Incidentalist Dead Flesh Bonanza. "There is no need to apply a swollen divinity." -- Adid, while jogging. "A rolling God gathers no moss, at least not in these climes. But if he did, we would have to invent a canopy of branches." -- Bearer 'Thiope, protagonist of Dowd Morhart's obscure novel The Broken Wobm of Christ (sic). "Baa" - Hansard's Guide to Refreshing Sheep. See Also molech mormo Golden golden adj. 1. Of or resembling gold (blonde; golden shower). 2. Lucky, or disposed toward creating luck (golden child). 3. Cornelius P. Buttercup (nickname), founder of the Order of the Golden West. 4. One of the weakest chess openings (F3), often granted to a superior player, favored by Alexandre Dacusse. 4. A playa's teeth. Usage "Golden tongue my ass." -- Debbie Does Dallas. Golden tongue Golden tongue n. 1. A literal tongue, cast adrift on a phone-call proffered in another language, there are sick things about: thus dreams. 2. A pusillanimous yet convincing speaker. 3. A very good baseball pitcher. 4. A tubular, muscular appendage located in the mouth that waggles in such a fashion as to rate highly on a geloscope. See Also * Argy Boy * Charismatic manipulation * Folksy Tales and Texan Humour Good luck good luck tao. 1. Fortune turning toward personal gain, a windfall. 2. A superpower of sorts, resulting in lifelong happiness, effortless and pleasing orgasms, mighty laughs in the cold winter, logging for fun, represented historically in symbolic form through the vehicle of pigs, amanita mushrooms, swastikas and four-leaved clovers. 3. Avoidance of pain, troublesome shite, duty. Usage "La bonne chance est une manière sûre de visser une certaine baise faible plus de. Soyez témoin des cieux environ, ne pourriez-vous pas déraciner un nez autour de cet excédent de coin ou de nibbin votre témoignage vers ce bord le camarade -- mais peut-être qui est en désordre derrière ? Quelle pensée ! Les Américains vivent dans une cosse comme la corona de la bonne chance -- mais c'est le genre d'ampoule sentante douce qui éclate. Dans la chance courte et bonne est comme se baiser, de phase, dans le stéréo, la vente des t-shirts faits face graisseux sur votre blog, etc..! Nous nous sommes déplacés au delà du que -- nous n'avons pas besoin de chance du tout."1 -- Francois Mitterand, the so-called "Sphinx of Paris", on the subject of Sino-American philosophical collision. See Also * Blumpkies * God * Killing Notes Note 1: (From the original French, translated by Hopi Garden) The good luck is a sure manner to screw some kisses weak more. Be pilot skies approximately, could not you uproot a nose around this surplus of corner or nibbin your testimony towards this edge the comrade -- but perhaps who is in disorder behind? What a thought! The Americans live in a thimble as corona of the good luck -- but it is the kind of feeling bulb soft which bursts. In the short and good chance is like kissing, of phase, in stereophony, the sale of the tee-shirts faced greasy on your blog, etc.! We moved beyond that -- we do not need chance of the whole. Graffiti graffiti fku 1. A territorial marker most often akin to stale urine; piss on walls. 2. To place a new message atop an older message. 3. Defacing graphics or text, illicitly rendered with an eye toward maximum visibility. Grave grave mf. 1. Coffin hole; a Boneyards plot; an earthen bed for a Dead man. 2. Serious; in a bad way. 3. To carve, sculpt, or protray; engrave (A graven image). Usage "His soul was toom, now he rots in the grave." -- from Jack the Ripper's premature obituary See Also * Dead body * The League of Men with Fancy Gloves Great quantity great quantity n. 1. A breath held, very tightly, when your dad dies. 2. An unsmall, excessive, or fabulous amount; the amount desired. 3. A poor but common substitute for lack of quality. 4. The proper amount of beer. Non Canonical Text "...but behind closed doors, even the crustiest stalwarts of the gentile upper-caste shed their self-control. Here we find the crossroads where kings and bikers collide, the stately King Solomon and the mighty Sonny Barger: drinkers, fighters, and lovers... Here we perhaps catch a glimpse into the dark alcove where the psychologist burrows, digging into the fertile and lusty dreams locked away in unopened heads attached to zombian poobs. Guvernor Morris certainly made no excuses for his excessively liberal trysts in bedrooms of the movers and shakers..." -- from the dust jacket introduction to Women Smoke Crack, Too. "...gluttons, poets, junkies, gamblers, joggers, warmongers, seers, outlaws, clowns, reporters... You name 'em, I've f*cked, blown 'em, rolled 'em, and had 'em come back beggin' for more..." -- C.J. Scroggins. Confessions of a Buggerer. Daylight Press. 1971. See Also * Desert Shield II * Fallen Stone * Goat * Heavy drinking * Kapital * Pig * William S. Burroughs Greenhorn greenhorn n. 1. A person levied against himself and found thus lacking through a kind of imaginary proxy. 2. The first grade of The League of Men with Fancy Gloves. 3. Alternate name for the first degree of the Order of the Golden West. Guys on the crew Namely, Jed Barnes and Ned Smith, roadies from the Poughkeepsie area who set up the stage for various AA events during the "slow period" of the mid-eighties. Extrapolation Dutch looked over at the guys on the crew. They were mingling with the dead body - takin' photos, just poor motherfuckers without a clue. A clew really is what they...nothing you could put your hand on. Dutch wandered off to the opposite side and lit up a smoke. Then dropped the cigarette. He digressed in his mind to a summer vacation, on the lake, girls, bubble gum, dead bodies. Too many and Dutch got angry with himself. He was losing his mind. Get back to the center. But there is no center. He was fucked. Hand Pants hand pants q. 1. A protective sheath composed of flexible material and worn over the fingers, palm and wrist; pants for the palm alone are known as gauntlets and for the wrist, brace-lets. 2. Quite simply, pants for hands; gloves. 3. Totem gear for a reversal of Fortune, particularly as instanced in both the Donald Duck Tarot and William Flintrock's Geloscopic Aphasium. The earliest known hand pants were fashioned from available animal stock, wrought from indelicate portions such as the stomach, the bladder or testicle pouches. Composed thusly from the crudest of available material, they featured no articulation for the fingers and rarely functioned for any reasonable length of time, often serving but once. Worn as a loose-fitting bag, this proto-glove functioned well as a simple protective device; though beyond such obvious utility, the glove quickly evolved as a social signifier, an indicator of rank and as such was believed to endow the bearer with occult powers. A gloved individual, for instance, can reach into the fire to retrieve a fallen item or manipulate hot coals -- or perhaps simply in a show of bravado, a perfomance no doubt mawkishly noted by other members of the tribe, particularly those circumbscribed by a fear of the unknown, awe-struck by the apparently super-natural origins of technology. Following this, gloves are perhaps the earliest known example of magical vestment, articles of clothing or personal accoutrement thought to posses other-worldy, mystical powers. In a practical sense, particularly with hand-pants, this belief is understandable -- the glove indeed bestows the power. A nude hand will singe in the fire, helpless, it's owner enjoys no innate ability to defy Nature. The hand-pant, however, temporarily transfers it's power to the hand and indeed, as is most importantly understood, migrates it's mystical character to anyone's hand. In this, hand-pants are similar to hats, which enjoy a prolonged reputation as vaporic conduits, ably demonstrated by the popular Victorian phrase, "the hat makes the man." Usage "Our pants, our hands, our Destiny's referal by inclusion, our messy faces clogging out through the patio of our Speecch -- We Acclaim Those Bits, but so do we muddle about in the realm of shadow -- we speak loudly I mean. And this Speech will be heard --- It will flop about half naked and skimming vast profits . . . " -- Hermann Goering, 'An Accidental Strife.' Non-Canonical Text A mastation gloomy, kind of like passing shadows, etc: perfected in Victorian England, exported shortly, and lately trumpeted by Steven Adkins; though lately his fame casts a largely conservative shadow, it manifests nonetheless in spangled star-panted contact with foreign interests, gnomically rolling and diffuse entirely, consumed with a vapor --- fuming mad perhaps, ever-concentrated, crossing immense and material fingers. See Also * Fumes Head head n. 1. Bulbous appendage supported by the neck and riddled with orifices. 2. Birthplace of vapor and air. 3. A toilet. 4. A frothy curtain draped atop beer. 4. The person in charge. 5. Fellatio. Usage The head is generally closed though occasionally opened; death may result from removal1 . See Also * The August Agenda * Face * Fallen Stone Notes Note 1: But not necessarily Heartplug heartplug n. 1. A meal of unusually high caloric and cholesterol content, usually prepared in a single pot or pan, containing little to no vegetables but containing beans, cheese and beef. 2. Gnome parlance for a bullet. Extrapolation The original heartplug concocted at informal Second Advance get-togethers consisted of refried beans, ground beef, cheddar cheese and perhaps a few slices of tomato cooked together in a single pan and washed down with a quaff or two of beer. In France, the reigning heartplug comes from the south. Known as a cassoulet, it is a weighty kind of white-bean stew which contains pork sausage and pieces of duck that have been cooked in lard. Aside from its hearty punch of cholesterol and raw lipids, an emptied cassoulet bowl can be worn on the head as a hat. The cassoulet finds a cousin in the Fabada Asturiana. Comprised of white beans, shoulder of pork, black blood sausage, spicy sausage, saffron and other seasonings, it can be found not only in its native Asturias but wherever Spanish restaurants are found. Like chili con carne, the fabada tends towards the complex end of the "Smithson Heartplug Scale" developed by MIT researcher Marylin Smithson in 1996. Although heartplugs the world over fall all over the spectrum, AA'ers tend towards the simple end, which translates to fewer ingredients, less cooking time and lower costs. Many Tex-Mex meals are considered heartplugs, but chief among these interzone manifestations are huevos rancheros and the aforementioned chili con carne, more commonly known simply as "chili." Although there is no small amount of pride among those who favor more complicated recipes, even the most jaded gourmand respects the simple heartplug, which to quote Smithson, makes up the "warp and woof of the urban peasant's sustenance." See Also * BBQ * Dallas Dumpling * Heavy drinking * Incidentalist Dead Flesh Bonanza HOLY MAN\WOMAN Holy Man/Woman n. 1. Any saint, sage, shaman or mantic practitioner considered to have an odour of sanctity and a ready supply of wisdom. 2. rep. An individual considered to exemplify any given religious teaching in both thought and deed. 3. The third and final grade of The League of Men with Fancy Gloves. The Call of the Hermaphrodite Many uninformed commentators have written that candidates for the Holy Man/Woman grade are divided by gender so that, as one might imagine, female candidates are Holy Women and male candidates, Holy Men. This however, is a falsehood arising from a lack of thorough investigation. In fact both men and women are known as "Holy Man/Woman" or, as it appears in some known pamphlets, "Holy Man-Woman." Although the exact meaning of the name is unknown, evidence suggests that it refers to a kind of symbolic hermaphroditism such as may be found in occultic, especially alchemical literature. Speculation is rampant, but the recent discovery of a ritual called "Recovering the Other" lends some credence to the theory. Cock and Cunt The Holy Man/Woman is awarded metal guantlets upon whose middle knuckles are affixed silver phalli. Each guantlet, when formed into a clenched fist, also mimics a vagina, the lips of which decorate the thumb and forefinger, the space between becoming the hole. With this highly unusual pair of handware the Holy Man/Woman is able to perform the salute and handshake of their grade. This symbolism lies behind the name of London pub The Cock and Swallow, an obscure east end watering-hole frequented by Gloved Ones. See Also * Ablation * Lads and Lassies of the Skillet * The Worship of Dongs * Vatican Breakfast Homunculus homunculus n. 1. A controlling agent or meme, often diminutive in size or concept; the seed of a watermelon. 2. trad. A miniature human being residing in a sperm cell, which, when properly introduced to an egg, will develop into a full-sized person, a tiny golem, or an unseen master inhabiting a human host. 3. A profane creation which thwarts its intended purpose; an unwelcome visitor. 4. The bane of a poob. Usage "Depite Skinner's claims to have deloused mankind, homunculi fling Payne like a rag doll." -- A Snoutless Setter: Payne Has No Point, Nick Hook, ed., The Whittier Globe, Dec. 3, 1994. Honeybees Honeybee(s) n. 1. Derisive term applied to those women who with apparently little else to do than to malinger around museums, art galleries and drafty studios spouting nonsense and displaying a prowess for elegant hair-dos. 2. A blatantly homo-sexual man. 3. A superficial or shallow person; an expert at toadying and sycophantry. Extrapolation The term gains importance due to it's near-obsessive presence in Addisson's youthful novella How Goes. In it, he queries: " ... if I'm dangerous with a knife and my pal Eric is dangerous with a gun. Tom here can kill you with a remote. We're all fucking danger incarnate. Nothing but angry cocks and hawking condoms, pushing a tighter pipe fitting, America's greatest poetry -- how is it that a honeybee gently floating keeps Us at a Bay? We've pulled out, here. It's touched on all our faces, each window the flit of a wing, the trash of our lives gaining in sound like an angry hive, arriving finally at the corner lot--where, apparently, someone had been waiting." Usage "It's quite a good show -- if you can see past the queens and honeybees." --Steven Adkins, mid-flex. See Also * Clampers * Tampa Hot dog hot dog, frankfurter, weiner n. 1. A tube of meat scraps most often used as a delicious snack, inspired by the sausage; myogenic niblet. 2. Used as an expression of delight or enthusiasm: "Hot dog we're rockin' now!" Extrapolation The hot dog has recently been used in contests celebrating the ability to stuff as many of the things into one's stomach as possible in the allotted time of one (1) minute. The Japanese seem uncannily adept at this ritual game. Stimso Adid has proposed its inclusion in the Olympics to the International Olympic Committee upon at least three occasions, the last of which caused him to be investigated by the US Secret Service for an eloquent passage which compared the ritual to "stuffing lit sticks of dynamite up the President's ass." See also * Dog Pile * Glasspants * The Worship of Dongs Human hand human hand util. 1. A tool-making object composed of five digits, attached to the ass end of human arms, usually present in pairs and not to be confused with God. 2. The apparent mark of intelligent activity. 3. The mechanism of all neurological change, speaking-wise. 4. A masturbatory device. 5. The innards of a glove. Usage …his lower lip swollen beneath a twisted, bleeding nose; his eyes puffy and glazed, head nodding like a strung up balloon; his opponent, yelping with pleasure, fists leaping out… * eating * manipulating small objects * drawing * picking nose * etc. Non-Canonical Text A belly-whale whose head is fabricated of schoolyards and dirt-clods. See Also * Ablation * Counterfeiting gang Hunimal hunimal (humanimal) n. 1. Coined, probably, by esteemed revisionist historian Michael Hoffman II, the hunimal is a hybrid composed of both animal and humans parts; a chimera. 2. A tautology constructed in the pejorative and considered profoundly offensive to the religious -- particularly to Tridentine Catholics, Protestants, Hindus, Sikhs, ill-tempered Buddhists, Druze, and conservative Muslims. Humanists, Athiests, Jews and Illuminists seem down with it. Extrapolation The most famous hunimal is no doubt the Minotaur, whose ferocious half-bull aspect kicked ass. Usage "What do you get when a Jew has a Gentile's baby? A filthy hunimal." - Maimonides, radical Semite and anti-aryan activist. "Is not the hunimal the very definition of Monstrous Science?" - Dr. Joseph Peter Whiteman, 1995 sermon. Non-Canonical Text "…wild animals full of monkey antics, ugly in temper and hard to manage…no orang-outang could climb a tree with more agility than they displayed. If you examine their little fingers you will find that conformation such as to afford them astonishing prehensile power, enabling them to grip an object and retain their hold. Either of them can lift his entire body by his little finger, and so swing to and fro, in the manner of a Borneo gorilla" -– A "geek pamphlet" (c. 1878) describing a the Wild Men of Borneo, a pair of traveling gaffed freaks (Bogdan 1990). see also * human * chimp Hurricane hurricane n. 1. A cleansing device manifested through the agent of a tropical cyclone, with manifestly dangerous winds and the redistribution of water. 2. A popular drink on Bourbon Street of (Old) New Orleans. 3. A boxer framed for murder in the '60s (Rubin "Hurricane" Carter). Usage "One suspects the Hurricane will not be served in New Orleans again; at least not without a certain sense of irony, though that good old fashion fatalistic hedonism may someday take hold again...." -- Wolf Blitzer, trying to be cute while discussing Pat O'Brien's, a New Orleans bar that specialized in a drink name the Hurricane. See Also * Argy Boy * Eye * Mithra * Ritual Murder</div>

Payne foobar Tub Book: Glossary C - E 2008-02-25T03:39:26Z 2008-02-25T03:39:26 2008-02-25T03:39:26Z

Summary: pasted c <hr /> <div>Camel n. 1. A desert going vessel popular in Africa and Arab Countries; an oont. 2. A peddler of Stinking Weed. 3. Half the source of numerous hybrids. Extrapolation Steven Adkins once raced a camel for a space of some 50 yards before passing through the eye of a needle. Caul cowled child n. 1. A child born in big deficits of light, in darkness basically, but effulgent in the extreme, gasping for new breaths neath a forehead sheaf. 2. A congenital defect, particularly one which emerges from the head and dangles afore the eyes. 3. Archaic A foetus, especially one immersed yet by amniotic fluids. 4. Tuf. Street slang for an uncircumcised penis, an unshaved dong, a chinaman. 5. Obs. An enclosure or ensnarement.1 6. A condom. Emerging Veiled The cult of the cauled, or cowled, child has enjoyed the scrutiny of scholars from the classical world to the present day, evolving but very little beyond academic gape-mouthedness and heavily footnoted eye-rolling. Though rich in interdisciplinary possibility and ripened for historiographical extrapolation, contemporary surveys are very little in extant, the classic work in the field remaining David Ulansey’s 1972 Origins of The Caulic Mysteries, which reversed most previous scholarship in a gentle loving sort of somersaulting in revolution, a bean bagged naggie bin, which despite itself emerged truly alit and pining after truth and beauty and arrived on ticket, apunched through, nicely. In it, the hints of a religious network of great antiquity; Ulansey perceived an enpanted power-source, operating with impunity, importuning Fate almost, whose bombs of joy narily evidence the big time engine power of The Sunrise. Describing this tradition as The Caulic Mystery Jam, Ulansey released a series of ruthlessly progressive rock and roll albums under the aegis of the Alpha Chimp. In the white hot beanpole of metaphor, he discovered the Cauls weild immense power in the field of body manipulation, political intriguery, assassination and a most profitable trade in organs, perambulatory limbs and sexual machinery. From A Stone Ye Shall Rise Ulansey’s story begins with Marie Devalius of Arles, a Cistercian nun who aroused passions and much apocalyptic speculation in the troubled realm of 14th Century France. Unlike the majority of Caulish children Marie not only lived until middle age, but retained the deformity, which was reported to have continued to grow into her old age, reaching a staggering 37 inches. All forms of wonderment were attributed to her, miracles which to the scholar run like a paranormal laundry list: levitation, a rosy or flower like smell, the gift of prophecy, unusual flexibility of skeleton and muscle and a beatific power to grace those around her with fortune, grace and the two fold pillars of divine beneficence --- the mysterious amassment of gold and silver and the equally baffling appearance of numerous children. Ulansey reports that: "According to the historical record and based on several etchings of her, Marie was an evidently comely woman, vivacious, energetically ruddy in complexion, full bodied and scandalously boisterious. Her remarkable beauty suffered but a single black mark -- the enormous flap of loosened skin which emerged from her forehead. The ungainliness of such an appendage troubled her not -- she wore it folded over-head in the manner of a close-fitting cap, or cowl, fastenened behind with clasps of her own device, manufactured of sheep’s wool and calfling leathers." The skin pub, fortunately, has been preserved in the form of reliquary in Southern France. As in most cases of cowling, Marie’s body defied decomposition though it was later interred in the nearby church cemetery. The cowl, however, remained where it can be viewed to this day, having much the appearance of an oily wrinkle of brown paper. In 1995, scientists from Hamburg University were granted permission by the Vatican to examine the relic and submit to a series of tests and vigorous qualifications. Their findings were startling. The skin pub was, as evidenced to the naked eye, remarkably preserved, and much detailed analysis was able to be performed. It was disovered that the cowl, particularly in it’s haunch and fore-ends, was a dense cluster of nerve cells: "By all accounts this woman was wearing a bedsheet sized clitoris on her head." Moments Away From Time This might explain some of the odd behavior Marie exhibited in the historical record. For instance, in 1467, Augustinian monk Charles Yuilasand visited the monastery at Arles in order to verify outrageous claims of the townsfolk. When he was introduced to Marie , he found her in the garden, lying on her back, with the cowl spread forth from her head. His account reads like a fevered romance novel, shot through a sow’s ear of Peretian fancy: "She lay on the ground, or rather perhaps she lay under the benightened sky cannily thrusting it’s mighty weight down upon her, like the endlessly feathering hammer of veal, impressing upon her auto-gyration a beguiling majesty, writhation witnessed by myself as occurring between the manicured hedges and a statue of Our Lord and Savior, his one good and loving eye casting a long intriguing glance, hinting of infinity. Her appearance to the mind was that of a spectacular and mind-numbing manifestion of Nature, a gleaming and rough-furrowed lake, begged of it’s placidity, unfolded by tortuous degree like a dangerous parasol; her forehead appeared to me overflowing as would the waters of the legendary Soul-Bead, bouncing out of her tightened pores with diadems of moon-illumed moisture - and though straining credulity, all the more was the spectacle, due to a contrast in the mind; her loosened caul was by all appearance becovered with a jolly variety of bird-seed and welpling acorn. Unnaturally engrossed by this amazing scene, I further witnessed a cloud of fowls, a cackled and fluttering gallimaufry of the local avian breeds, mongering over these delicacies and dipping their beaks, flecking not a little gore, making a frightful commotion of caged pinion and feather. In reaction and by mine own eye issuing unseemly encouragement, she recoiled not but leaned incredibly her head forward, aswifted about her jutting caul, surely astruck by a baffling kind of divine light-ning, her form rigid in the grip of epileptical throe but nonetheless becalmed, her mouth open slightly and loosening a pendulous groan, her eyes rolling into the rear of her lids, revealing a deep and glorious white, such as that found in the snippering keen of a pearl knife-handle or the opinous and importuning wink of an arse needing the whip." Here one suspects Ulansey levies upon his readers an immense lark. And yet, recourse to Ullian’s diaries clearly posit a fantastical scene indeed. Another telling anecdote arrives from Father Aminian Farthing, an Orthodox priest from Byzantium. He made the long journey to visit Marie by onieric insistence, having been plaqued by “tortuous dreams and forlorn weepy-style nightmares, where one wakes in the middle of night, screaming in fright descending the next moment into near diabolical laughter, confusing me profoundly.” Apparently, Aminian consulted his Bible and performed the odd ritual now and again and was thus able to snoop out the cause of his nocturnal distressing - a gypsy caravan provided both the answer to his problems and transportation to France. Drinking Aphid Hints When Father Farthing approached the monastery, he was soundly rebuffed by the hegemonical qualities of the inhabitants therein. However, having been pelted both in internecine insultery and rotten vegetables, he resolved to spend the night on the road, hoping for better luck in the morning. That night, curled up in his cassock, he had another dream, this time more intense than any he had previously experienced. In it, he was dressed as porter, waiting outside of a door inlaid with fantastical carvings and elaborate bas-reliefs. He wished to scrutinize this marvelous sight, and to investigate the filigree to the fullest extent that his intellect would allow. However, dream life can be cruel. He could only see by a complex arrangement of his body parts, for otherwise his view was somehow obstructed, the world being rendered as if seen from a great distance. Hence, in order to more closely observe what appeared to be a highly skilled rendering of the story of Cain and Abel, he was predisposed to sit on the ground, his ankles behind his neck and his arms twisted to form a curl of knobbed willowill. And to see the elaborate inlays portraying the ascension of our lord and saviour, he was required to bend his back to the sky, his belly upwards and and crossed by his arms, meeting at the elbow with his right leg, ankle turned to the West. His other leg, meanwhile, was need underneath his arched form, pinched at a precarious right angle Non-Canonical Text The phenomena of infant morphology has long fascinated persons whose intellectual pursuits lay at their most comfortable in untoward position, reflecting spiritual traditions to which the researcher has -- perhaps only casually -- sworn fealty. Nearly without exception, human religious experience autogyrates between the idea of being and non-being, living and death. The lives of men appear in our soul dramas as but limping children, somehow muscled and terse, mouthing dangerously invented languages of body, motion, of sword's edge and needle's point. To muddle with spyglass and pencil in the naked twilight of this experience is the duty of a lone nut, the errant scientician, the Gnomic up-ender, the Catholic. It should come as no surprise then, that Europe's Mother Church enjoys a teaming wealth of scholarly information concerning those states of mankind which split asunder the divisory connections between man and animal, angel and monkey, chirping non-life and the waxy glow of gloamy non-existance. It takes a strange kind of man, in other words, to study strange kinds of men -- or as the case may be, very strange examples of newly-birthed children and in particular those examples which display superfluous body parts, glaring omissions of design or unnatural developments requiring immediate medical and priestly attention. The so-called cowled child, "so richly sensual under its severe, religious folds"2 is just such a spectular birth-object. Threading The Nut Characterized by a flap of hanging skin, the cowled child is often born in what it must perceive as a state of woeful blindness. Tersely sorting this cry from the collective wilderness are the distinctive characteristics which, despite the regular appearance of cowled children, mark each one as unique. In certain Inuit myths, the "reading" of a cowled child's particular "meaning" provided the calendar for everything from seal hunts to making love. In the Algonquin, the word for a cowled child is the same as "imperfect stone." In Europe, however... ....duly manipulated by qualified "seers" or representatives .... NOTES Note 1: Caul's etymology traces back to Greek (roughly, in our alphabet, “kaulus”), meaning an elaborate ensnarement or an intricate weaving. The earliest noted usages of the word refer more specifically to sheep’s pens, fishermen's nets, the weave of fate, and the inter-lacing lines of leaves in a head of cabbage (hence “kale”). The term was eventually extended to refer to a spider's web and a women's woven hat or hood. By the Middle Ages, the term was associated with a fold of skin covering the head (as well as with the male foreskin and the female Mons Veneris), suggesting both an enclosure for the head as well as a type of psychic ensnarement, while continuing to carry forward the connotations of linear patterns, as seen in the elaborate wrinkles and veins of the skin flap--hence the term's later usage among “New Agers” for a Native American "dream catcher". Note 2: Proust, Marcel. Remembrance of Things Past. Cessation of public activity Most thoroughly described by Humphrey S. Didium in his landmark study of secret societies, Everything That's Not. Didium (1914-1981) gave a speech at the 3rd AA International Conference which has since given conspiracy theorists a lot of fodder for speculation. His speech, which contained several cursory allusions to Gnome practices, has left many dubious as to his affinities. He was, however, almost certainly not a member of The League of Gnomes or in any way "in the know" about their activities. In the year of his death he attended an Incidentalist Dead Flesh Bonanza. Further Extrapolation The fourth distributive stage of Alpha Chimp material--largely unsuccessful even by the most blindingly opportunistic valuation scheme--is also called "cessation of public activity" aka "going out of business." Non Canonical Text "It's time for nap," she said with a glimmer in her eye. He choked on his asparagus, a spear gone down wrong; hands clutched 'round him yanking on his clavical. She licked his ear and the waiter blushed. Drowning. Charismatic manipulation Charismatic manipulation thule. 1. A method of speech which relies upon the unspoken move, slyly rendered, amounting to the careful hand-tossing of fact. 2. The movement of information in accord with the ability to arrange objects in a careful line, and according to a predetermined stucture, and ductile, also asconced fatty-like between energetic leaps. 3. A re-alignment of fluid, being an invention, where our understanding is impaired by design, by looking strictly, by abounding through the scarce, and beside the crumby bluntness of reason, defeated. colloq; advice given to the weak, by degree. See Also * Secret Negro Cheroot cheroot n. 1. An aromatic plant, Anstimsus Cerefolium, native to Eurasia, having leaves used in suits and salons; consumed as an open-ended cigar. 2. Any of several related plants, esp. Chaerophlyum Bulbousus, having an edible winged child. 3. Evidence of evocation; a changing of the pantaloons. 4. Manufacturer of smoke and mirrors, one who obfuscates; producer of fume. See Also * Bleezy * Stinking Weed * Whale * The Worship of Dongs Chimp chimp la. 1. A state of absolute liberty from moral, aesthetic or religious concerns. 2. A chimpanzee. 3. A man. 4. A kind of half-man, half-chimp creature, used for amusement or possibly as an exotic side-dish. 5. A humorous monosyllable. Clamper Trap clamper trap n. 1. The elaborate hullabulloo created by advertising firms which presents dung as gold and dictates the social importance of newly-created products and services. 2. A professional hoodwinking device. 3. Media objects from the curling genome, posited as the canonical interpretation of Poob Culture, intended for a clamper audience. 4. A public forum where the appearance of something new is being promised, or, more likely, sold. See Also * The Farmer Diary * Heaven * Logos * Poob Bargain Clampers clampers n. 1. Term used to describe AA sympathizers who either never fully participated in the movement or contemporary artists and thinkers who have only reluctantly acknowledged its influence. In the former category belong Stan Lee, Alfred Bester and Nathanael West, who carried on a lively correspondence with a young Addisson from 1938 until his untimely death in 1940. In the latter category belong Steve Malkmus, Beck Hansen, Matt T and Michael Baldwin. 2. Persons who move with fashionable trends, vacuous hipsters, hanger-ons. 3. A popular Southern Journal catering ultimately to cultural guerillas and Spray-Paint Mathematicians; known in Texas as a vehicle for The New York Invasion. Extrapolation The word was once believed to derive from one Ernest C. Clamper: Dandy, aide-de-camp to Ulysses S. Grant, on-and-off sexual partner of Walt Whitman. He never admitted how much of his political discourse was in reality re-hashed Whig-ism and he clung to Grant's coat-tails as if he would slip into an abyss without them. His "Priapic Promes" were derivative, dime-store Whitman. However, this is fiction. Addisson himself came out with the word when, at the nadir of their relations, he saw Balthazar Buehb almost genuflecting before Stimso Adid. Addisson: "I first thought of a leech, then a moray eel, jaw about to clamp down on the fish and then retreat down into the hole. One, big clamping mouth. That's about what's it's like to be taken by the arm by a clamper. Ho ho! Write that down!" Ernest C. Clamper was an extended member of the Slippers family, and thus some kind of distant cousin to Stimes Addisson. Stimes Addisson's father Solomon is originally from Clamper Mountain, West Virginia. Usage "What the fuck's with all the clampers?", William Flintrock in the ear of Wilhemina Forkes, overheard at the Second AA International Conference. [ See Also * Boneyards * Clamper Trap * Honeybees Cocks comb Poopy Knickers The secret hand signal of the Crack Stepper grade of The League of Men with Fancy Gloves is called the Cock's Comb. It is made with the right hand. The Worm Turns It is also used by Anahinthan members. The Grand Rond in Toulouse, France, features a sculpture of a jolly man, attired as a butcher, one hand amputated indicating high rank, his other hand upon his apron giving the hand signal. Many have speculated that the man in the sculpture is a local leader posing in a kind of daring show of cards designed to provoke, antagonize and bewilder local Gloved Ones. Tellingly, the signal is given with the left hand, which is a reference both to the Anahinthan's oppositional purpose to that of the Gloves and a sign of allegiance to the left-hand path. The amputated right hand is thus emphasized, the inevitable end point to a train of thought which though shuddering at the repulsiveness of the conclusion, cannot but help to feel a strange twinge brought about by years and in some cases decades of georeligious indoctrination (that branch of science so laden with heavy and unfortunate connotations), which so humbly accepts the often bloody dignity (so posited in his or her geomantic thought implants) of sacrifice. Usage "The right-handed Cock's Comb is flashed invisible by the secretive Anahinthan, amputated. Thus must we worry! Forever diligence!" -- pamphlet in a puddle, origins unrendered by a muddy trample See Also * Architect's hand * Asian Thumbs * Cock's Comb * Fancy Gloves * Fisticuffs * Hand Pants * Masturbation * Unseen hand Cold cold op. 1. A state of being defined by its relation to heat or motion, being itself the lack thereof. 2. That state in which coffee is undrinkable. 3. The robotic motions of a prostitute during the act of love; the attentions of a crone. 4. Conflicts enacted symbolically or by elaborate proxy, characterized by Poobic Bluster, a stumbling bureaucracy and the endless proliferation of stand-offs, stare-downs and no-shows. Usage "I feel cold." -- Last words of Ahmed Capra, 1962. "Sure is cold in here... I feel like a nipple-hair on a skinwalker." -- Solomon Witte, 1980, at CBGB's. See Also * Revelation of the Method * Ryan O'Donnely Contemporaries "If there were a place you could stand while holding your breath but while breathing you could by smirking almost." -- spoken by two people at the exact same time: 17:53:27 EST, September 19, 1999. Pedro Marquez of San Luis Potosi, Mexico, and Kaoru Hashimoto of Osaka, Japan, both said the words in Algonquin. Both bore an uncanny resemblance to Verna Cable. Extrapolation The term itself simply refers to persons existing in the same chronological space; further, there is an implied congruence of activity. For instance, while a house painter could very well be the chronological contemporary of an easel painter, usage of the word in this sense would be considered inappropriate. A more accurate rendering would be the statement: The House Painter is the Contemporary of The Organ Grinder who is the Contemporary of The Unbridled Horsey who is the Contemporary of The Bleary-Eyed Rummy who is the Contemporary of the Easel Painter. And so on. Through analogy the original statement could be considered inviolable -- it is only the extreme degree of associative removal which renders it suspect. And so goes the contemporary wisdom. Associational thought turns this wisdom on its ear -- or perhaps, its eye. In AA parlance, the greater the analogical separation one can achieve would imply greater relation between the objects in question. Turning again to the illustration above, its correct Associationalist presentation would be that statement which benefited most from a long distance analogical partnering, such as: The house painter is in fact nearly identical to the easel painter or maybe not -- but he's sure as shit a contemporary. See Also * Creatine Panderbox Crab Canon crab canon cc. 1. musical An ouroboric tune that plays the same backwards or forward.1 2. meta. That which is conceptually or literally reversible; that which undoes itself (e.g., palindromes, fancy down jackets, presidential elections, New Orleans, erections, golems, drinks before noon). 3. A mirrored reflection. (No, it clef, er…). 4. Thai term for a male prostitute. Extrapolation The follow text is a fragment lifted from Dapper Clementine’s senior thesis, Grignotti and the "Buggeroni" BDGDB Motif: Bach appeals to the brain: pure head music. From the mathematically rendered precision of his cancrizans canons, looping and inverting like Möbius strips, to the cunning nomenclatural codings like his "signature" BACH motive2 -- Bach's music is a mirrored reflection of a stupefying intellect far removed from heart-wrenching, gut-twisting storms of Beethoven and Stravinsky. But where to place the enigmatic Paolo Grignotti? Though he clearly stands in the shadow of Bach's intellect, his operatic forays suggest we look elsewhere. Indeed, Grignotti's numerous musical references to Bach's Mass in B minor may be read as homage -- or as "cryptic and often mocking allusions, hinting of ironic insincerity."3 While virtually all living critics agree on Bach's genius, Grignotti's opinion is open to debate. Does he display a sincere, imitative mimicry? Or is it insincere, a subtle mockery? Or is it all simply a case of a somewhat more heavy-handed realization by a jealous Grignotti? No matter how we read it, Grignotti's evident debt to Bach rings clear in the crab canons and "coded" notations of his wry Buggeroni (1789). Listen, for example, to the reversible BDGDB motive, with its twisting and straining crab canon and its veiled noted references to the infamous "B"iberoni, "G"rignotti, "D"iamanta love triangle. Grignotti's more bizarre themes have yielded more outrageous interpretations than these lighthearted musical puns. Indeed, before Grignotti's disappearance, there were more than a few suggestions that his music supplied La Ligue du Masque Cancéreux with encrypted directives. Pie-throwings, assassinations and ritual shoplifting were all variously linked back to "this madman's furtive work."4 But all these intellectual readings do little to explain the plaintive cry of The Sharper's Tale (1796) and the bitter stomp of A Sausage Became Her (1797); such heart-tugging tunes suggest Grignotti was made of more emotive stuff. Perhaps Grignotti is best viewed as striking some peculiar balance, some sort of devil's bargain -- like Shostakovich, who, some one hundred and fifty years later, straddled two worlds, one foot in the avant-garde and a second steeped in romance, from the lonely, frightened howl of Symphony No. 15 to the tight-lipped, head-tripping experiments of Jazz Suite No. 1. It's little wonder he was so torn, for he lived in war-torn world. Some of his earlier work, like the haunting march of his Symphony No. 7 (27 December 1941), was written during the Siege of Leningrad, with Nazi troops closing in on his Russian homeland. Later pieces found him cowed, desperately trying to please the oppressive regime that arose from within Russia herself. Fine – enough about Shostakovich -- his demons are well known. Again I ask, “But what of the enigmatic Paolo Grignotti?” What demons tore Grinotti asunder? See Also * Daedalus: nine, Peninsula: dead * Grignotti and the "Buggeroni" BDGDB Motive * God * Potato Cannon * The Untieable Knot Notes Note 1: The "canon cancrizans" (as it was originally termed) is a melodic counterpoint (or canon) which reverses the notes of the original melody (the "cancrizans", or "crab", scuttles backwards). Note 2: That is, the notes B-A-C-H, where H is German for B natural. Note 3: Professor Newton Periwinkle, Flying Pigs, Grignotes '62, p. 13. Note 4: Author unknown, Conversations with Flambini Lamenti, 1785. CRACK STEPPER Crack Stepper (n.) 1. One who wishes his mother harm 2. The second grade of The League of Men with Fancy Gloves. 3. rep. One who has reached the second tier of the Anahinthan priesthood and who also, inextricably, wishes harm to his mother. Initiational Systems and the Casual Observer The initiation rituals attributed to the second grade of the League is suspicious in its use of Masonic ceremonial movements yet it is obvious to occultic scholars that the pomp and circumstance is designed to mislead the casual observer or inquisitor. If a Greenhorn is deemed worthy after his 27 tests he is a viable candidate for the Crack Steppers. The Crack Stepper grade also consists of 27 tests each with 27 questions dealing with everything from real estate and maritime law to preparation and presentation of sushi. The foyer of the Crack Stepper grade is littered with those who cannot meet the rigourous demands. Accroutment The Crack Stepper is awarded a Single Sleeve with each test passing. There are 27 sleeves in all, one for each digit on the hands and feet as well as one for each ear and eye. The final three sleeves or Demem Trias are reserved for the nose, the mouth and the genitals. The anus is awarded an inverted sleeve when the crack stepper is initiated into the final grade of Holy Man/Woman. See Also * Cock's Comb * Crack Stepper Jack, the Untold Story Told Creation Myths creation myths n. 1. How it all began. 2. An unsuitably heady topic for light social affairs. Usage "The pursuit of truth is what keeps us from pursuing each other." -- James H. Billington, Librarian of Congress, explaining why nerds don't get laid. Non Canonical Text "And so we wade through truths, mining symbols, myths, and archetypes in our search for the beginning, that original event, that catalyst -- Zeus’ thunderbolt hurled from an inky sky into the primordial seas -- that very thing that triggered it all. To consider the literal truths behind the tale is to miss the point. And so we may find pigs rolling in the first dusty settlements as men toil, seeding the soil; tobacco growing into a catalyst that fuels the flames of colonialism. We may hunt for the earliest invocation of the owl or trace the umbrella back to the stony hearts of men. We may look to that auspicious meeting of friends and find Stimes and Adid, both living on 27th, swapping mail, talking, discovering, laughing -- origins unfolding in the accident of their meeting, the association of circumstance and newfound friends, that first glimpse of the totemic 27, and the trading of letters, like the trading of ideas for years to come. We can even look to the genesis of myths, and find the Fallen Stone fertilizing the roots of the Garden of Eden, entangled in the mystical stuffs of Gnostics. And as we hunt for very origins of man we find ourselves in the damp and fecund clay, shaped and infused with the breath of the gods, forbidden fruits feeding our flickering gnosis, stones hidden in the heads of babes, and the light bulb turning on with first club-swinging chimp…." -- Carl Jung, Jr., winning the argument by boring the pants off the competition at a friendly wine and cheese lawn-party in Iowa with Nevid Kessar. * Procreation Myths * The Worship of Tits Crossed Spoons Device An image of a pair of black and silver crossed spoons, often sewn into the upper right-hand corner of a red flag. Commonly known as the "War Flag," it is used only on rare occasions, notably by the Associationalist Drum and Fife Band. The flag is often emblazoned with the motto "Don't Pike on Me" and is always flown subordinate to the pancake banner. The origin of the device and the flag is unknown, although the device is known to have existed in 1947 and the flag by at least 1950. In the aftermath of the vengeance mission resulting from the destruction of Wee-Wee, those arrested were found to be carrying one of these flags. See Also * Pancake banner Daedalus: nine, Peninsula: dead Code word for Run! invented by Televy Gide for the late-nite shenanigans of AA'ers. The practice of making a word less efficient which in normal circumstances requires maximum efficiency was crucial in practicing the reverse of which he normally did in his day job: writing a weekly journal of telegraphic text messages to be used by AA poets as source material for creating verse. It was all part of the One Year Plan devised by Stimes Addisson in 1981 on the anniversary of the Death of the Chameleon. Dakota Meeting Rooms dakota meeting room nb. 1. A meeting room that instigates an elaborate government investigation. 2. The rearrangement of capital for the purpose of inducing a lie. See Also * Alcove * Geomachy * Peep-Hole Dead body dead body n.v. 1. Narrative space, defined by fucking idiots. 2. A state of future being, devoid of consciousness; a potentiality of any sort, usually dreadful. 3. A dramatical totem of immense popularity, signaling the engagement of a puzzle, a journey or a jolly romp, and otherwise initiating a series of elaborate narrative shake-downs. Usage "Over my dead body are they going to make me go back." "I knew he was having dreams, nightmares," Lisset said. "He would wake up at night really sweaty. When I popped around the next day for a few drinks, he had become a dead body. I can't explain it." Extrapolation The dead body just sat there. A weight on top of the world. No past, no future; just a dead constant present - one of the lucky ones. The dead body was an AA member since Stimes' day. The dead body knew Dutch, Dutch did not know the dead body. AA was the connection - but there was no link - and the dead body enjoyed the new found life as a dead body. It's not such a bad job after all but the foie gras reeks. The dead body used to sing children's songs for a living. Spaghetti Worm was a popular tune among 3 year olds and earned the dead body honors among peers. The dead body could reflect on this and smile. But the dead body was not the dead body - rather "some Accidental Associationalism mind bender" (Johnson, p. 13) - the dead weight of the world is upon us. There may be no forgiving this time around. Dutch probed further back in time and remembered a favorite poem he used to sing in choir school: Lo and behold the Father of Righteous Wrongdoings Answers our darkest Prayers Lo and behold the Mother of Wrongful Righteousness.... (etc) See Also * Death Dead man dead man gn. 1. The unspoken and invisible dictators of culture, the necrocracy. 2. The act of being passed the mantle from that which has not yet existed. 3. The likely product of sciomachy; evocation. 4. The origin of accidents and the elaboration of instructional material from such. 5. The grateful acceptance of advice from the fevered or delusory. 6. An empty mountain. Extrapolation Michael Baldwin entertained a variation of dead man, arriving at Dead French Men. He used the term to indicate he'd been to a lot of college and was entitled to the beer discount, as advertised. See Also * Augury * Boneyards * Death * Fumes * Vapors Death Death nv. 1. An unfortunate by-product of third-world countries, cannons, God-worship, ill-gotten gains and the prime cause of funerals and, by extension, funereality. 2. A consensual goal or endpoint; the resolution of a drama. 3. The result of life. 4. Generative force responsible for dead men and the multiplication of vapor. Non Canonical Text "You may be starved to death, stung to death by wasps, killed by tigers, cut to pieces--beginning at the toes--impaled on spears, burned to death, or tattooed."1 -- The Life and Adventures of the Burdett Twins. 1881. New York: Popular Press. See Also * Auto-Colonialism * Boneyards * Poob Culture * Ritual Murder Notes Note 1: Though the shock value is lost on contemporary audiences, both twins chose tattoos. Death Cults Death Cult(s) n. 1. A religous group whose belief system stresses the cyclical nature of life as exposed by astrological and natural phenomena, with an emphasis on cessaristic elements, i.e. death, solar settings, winter, amputations, bloodletting, abortionism and many more truncations of the metaphorical type. 2. The Republican Party, for example; Christianity, in general. Extrapolation In The Ultimate Evil, author Maury Terry contends that the Son of Sam killer David Berkowitz was a member of “The Children”, a satanic cult based out of Venice, California, with links to the military and intelligence establishments. According to Terry, “The Children” is a splinter group of The Process Church of the Final Judgment, which--although officially disbanded some 30 years ago--continues to operate secretly in six major U.S. cities. Terry claims that The Process Church operates from a “remote enclave” in New York and has changed its name many times, accumulating millions of dollars in real estate holdings along the way. In his treatise, Terry accused The Process of Hitler worship, animal sacrifice, drug running, kiddie porn, murder, and complicity in Son of Sam. Process apologists argue that Terry took Process founder Robert DeGrimston's symbolic teachings too literally and that The Ultimate Evil suffers from poor logic, draws from dubious sources, and is littered with “red herrings”. According to Terry, Berkowitz--though admittedly involved in some of the Son of Sam murders--was set up as a fall guy by the “The Children” for the entire series of murders, much in the same manner that Charles Manson may have been similarly manipulated in the Tate-LaBianca murders. From various sources--among them, Berkowitz himself--Terry learned that one Son of Sam murder was videotaped and that the cameraman (Ronald Sisman) was subsequently murdered by cult members when they went to recover the Son of Sam snuff film. Terry pinned this murder on a mysterious figure dubbed Manson II, whom he later identified as William Mentzer, an “occult superstar” and hit man who moved through the same late 1960’s milieu of sex, drugs, and porn as Manson -- and who had been intimate with Tate-LaBianca murder victim, Abigail Folger. Terry quoted his source on Mentzer/Manson II as “someone in the intelligence community”. -- Adam Gorightly See Also * Birth Cults * Mormo * Molech * Ritual Murder Democracy democracy f. 1. A fantasy land where you can direct activity by the voicing of opinion; a pie hole, stuffed. 2. Cherished symbol of The Western Mystery Tradition, responsible for strip-malls. 3. A fat man, pissing himself, reading Plato. 4. A comforting illusion. Non-Canonical Text "A broken rule is a spirit untethered, and an untethered spirit is lost." -- Gonzales, Alberto. Why I Voted. The American Conservative. November 17, 2004. "Beaten paths are for beaten men." -- Roberts, John. Why I Shat in the Crapper. The Conservative American. January 16, 2001.] See Also * Fumes * Platonic Forms * Vapor Desert Shield II In 1990 a U.S. Military operation was launched to protect Kuwait's oilfields from Saddam Hussein. Despite the reaction of the western media, Hussein was not acting under the direction of Satan, but was rather expanding in accordance precedents set by earlier colonial powers. "Desert Storm: The Rape of Cassandra" (1999) -- featuring cloddy voice-over work by George Bush and Nell Carter -- is the most notable video game based on the war that followed and is of importance to the Associationalist milieu due to the fact the combatants are Gnomish creatures, far too short and misshapen to operate their oversized guns and sabers.In an unusual bit of transmedia exploitation, in 1992 an aging William Flintrock wrote a play based on the computer game which enjoyed several successful seasons in off-broadway theaters and back-alley agit-prop centers. Though the narrative adheres to the events of the game, Flintrock gave prominence to non-combatants: * George Bush as the Opportunistic Magistrate, presented on stage as a plushy meat-hook and played by Charlie Sheen. * Saddam Hussein as the Comely Waif and played by Mona Sherbet, appearing in her first role after her disastrous 1988 performance in Pardon Me Priapus. * Dionne Warwick as the Fatidic Observer, performed brilliantly by midget superstar and motocross champion Alexandra Bumpkins. * Wilhelm Reich as Sargeant Janus, played by Everette Goldbergenstein and Yosef Abdulla, in a bifurcated double-headed costume designed by Flintrock. While the play had a limited run and is today largely forgotten, it is seen by critics as the first of what became a flood of game-to-theater cross-overs; the most popular has certainly been 2002's "Burger Time: Magus on A Bun" by firebrand director and playwright, Alsation Heady. As for the military operation itself, aside from the kneeknock it gave to World Order, Desert Shield is notable for two things: 1. The shield became a storm -- a power previously reserved for Jesus. 2. The curious blatant introduction of Simon Magus into cheesecake calandars and other onanistic material. See Also * Arab Countries * Banana slut, you? * Moloch Desiderata desiderata am. 1. Objects or information essential, but absent. 2. Fragments in need of a sojourner to assemble them; the sojourner himself. 3. All information traveling along the associational filament. 4. A catalyst for adduction. Usage "...holy shit he's all desiderata..." -- Tim Wilson on Alexandre Dacusse See Also * Ablation * Desiderata 90 Desiderata 90 A short-lived prog-rock band founded by David Payne which helped define Post-HoboCore pop culture. The line-up was a melange of street people, professional train-car bandits, assorted tub-thumpers, guitar masters and of course, Dave Payne himself on vocals, piano, harpischord, electric bassoon and skin-tyriod. Though the outfit released only two albums on the now-defunct Alpha Chimp label, rumors of a reunion tour and the release of previously unrecorded material are persistent.] Critical Appraisal "Fearless" -- PJ O'Rourke "Shit, there isn`ta (sic) "CANCEL" button. -- Diary of a Wine Taster (http://www.wine-journal.com/blog25.html) Discography * Hindquarters * Sleeps for Two See Also * Depression and the Second Drink before Noon * Mustache Dime Bag of Verse A form of literary distribution built on the model of peddling drugs, particularly the technique practised by street dealers in Washington Square Park or along St. Mark's Avenue, New York City. Tim Wilson developed the technique, inspired by accounts of Addisson's Amway-style poetry samples. Wilson described the procedure to Pedro Marquez in 1999 for the Mexi-Cult magazine Casa del Filete: "The poet creates the poem first, an important start. But I rush ahead excitedly, let us pace ourselves. This poem we are to make is to be made as a poem, not as an act of masturbation or dilly dalliance. One shouldn't be planning to read it, for instance, or mail it to an editor. The poem produced can be seen as a stern matron -- womb dried up, hands cubbed with large knuckles, face tempered by the sun into an unending, witheringly unapproachable grin. This grin is your mountain peak, fix upon it, set sail1 and climbing spike steady, grimly. Do not, however, invite disaster by looking always over your shoulder or consulting dictionaries, thesauri or billboards visible from your derrick window. Rush headlong is the order of the day." "Imperative also is the use of a machine for composition. I prefer the IBM Selectric -- a revolutionary beast of throbbing pulchritude. Though you may wish to employ some alternate machine. Whatever. You may as well choose to breath alternate air, to flood your body with alternate blood, to shit out alternate, impossible golden turds. No, best stick with me: The IBM Selectric is a furiously modernist example of form coupling with function. Driven by it's proto-gnostic pivoting typeball -- the Selectric quite literally fucks the poem into existence. So, thusly prepared, secure a surface to accept the poem, aware that size is your key to success. Choose easily foldable strips of no larger than an inch and a half in width and 12 inches in height -- greater dimensions precludes placement into the dime bag and defeat the excercise entirely. Fortunately for the intrepid dime-bagger, in the form of purchase receipts, a suitable medium is daily produced in staggering amounts." Wilson, incredibly, explains further: " Non-Canonical Text When the Police investigated further, they decided to give him a ticket for loitering and told him to go home. See Also * Mom Jokes Note 1: Curiously, to this day, Wilson believes some manner of sail is needed to climb a mountain. Diver Diver. n. 1. Seen primarily as the scooting of premises, a massive analogical overload most commonly resulting in the suprise of the diver himself, laden as he is with Expectation, who turns Wisdom to Associational Thought, an exploding beauty gently into the quiet nite, spelled particularly for the life of TV's SuperStarDom. 2. Archaic form of diverse. Usage Nevid Kessar's The Sponge Diver's Game. Doctrine of Doing Doctrine authored by El Parqiz, published in 1571 as Por el Movimiento Lejos para Inacción y Pereza, Hacia el Doctrina de Hacer. The Doctrine of Doing, sometimes refered to as the Doctrine of "Doing!" in modern parlance, consists of three suppositions intended to, in the words of the author, "provide sane counsel for the development of justification for oblique moral stances among the empty (similar usage as wu wei)." 1. The doing of the body. 2. The doing of the mind. 3. The Doing! The Doctrine is often confused with the onomatopoeic "Doing!" associated with objects which move suddenly and with some violence upon being released from a restraining force, such a duck's bill, a two-by-four slapped upwards under the chin, an erection, the bib on an old-fashined tuxedo, etc. Although primarily a sound or word represented in cartoons and animated films, "Doing!" or rather, "Doing-g-g!" remains a popular in-joke among the literati. See Also * Boing Dog Pile dog pile n. 1. A mound of canine excrement; more generally, animal poo. 2. Untrustworthy information. 3. A shady or treacherous individual, a miscreant. Dominant mode of epistemological regurgitation The historically most Associationalist epistemological issue concerning perception is whether and how beliefs about physical objects and about the physical world generally can be justified or warranted on the basis of whether or not one prefers the watermelon and or the egg. Non-Canonical Text This method of evaluating perception was a key component in the functioning of Project Sausage. Five senses vomiting....due to a priori rejection....slinking....wet dream of the invalid soldier, in flannel robe, with coffee (http://plastictub.vaporslave.com/index.php/Image:HeadB_Coffee.jpg); head wound. See Also * Beta Chimp * Dick Fosbury Donut donut, doughknot jk. 1. A torus shaped edible, usually fried and composed of flour, yeast and sugar. 2. Progenitor of the donut hole and in such capacity a creative element of the pleroma. 3. For many, the actual shape of the earth. 4. Seventh sign on the O'Donnely Zodiac Placemats. 5. An stiff, ring-shaped pillow, used for resting broken tail bones; a cock ring. Usage "There are no donuts in jail." -- A. Dacusse to Adid, upon his second arraignment for brawling, spitting and drinking in public. Extrapolation Ryan O'Donnely (founder of the O'Donnely's Ribhouse and Honkytonk chain) has been called a racist, a man's man, a son-of-a-bitch, and a ham-fisted pugilist with a muscular Christianity. But he's no dummy. Despite his good-ol'-boy, God-wieldin' ways, in 1968 O'Donnely hired a crack team of demographic experts from New York City1 to help scientifically determine the best location for O'Donnely expansion. This team stumbled across a curious fact that helped make O'Donnely rich: Winston Salem, NC, on a per capita basis, has the highest annual level of: * donut consumption * rib consumption * cigarette consumption Not to mention more illicit pregnancies and legal cockfights than any town this side of Saigon. This sounded like a weird coincidence (e.g., it's just big town o' sinnin'), till they demonstrated that the strong correlation between these factors extends across the United States and has existed for decades; in other words, these "industries" rise and fall together across cities and time. Well, O'Donnely's a smart man and he ran with it. His Honkeytonk chain took off like greyhound with a firecracker up its ass. But he wasn't one to ask why. The statisticians' work was done; they were fired, and that was the end of that. Ryan's son Patter was a more curious man. When he took over the chain in 1990, he rounded back up the very same team stats gurus and asked them: "What gives?" -- so they tried digging a little deeper. They were able to determine that the highly correlated "sins" had a strong negative correlation with per capita membership in the Latter Day Saints. But that was about it. Statisticians are good for finding relationships, but they tend be slow with cause and effect. At any rate, they were a group of old men by now, and one-by-one, they succumbed to dementia and remarkably unmysterious deaths. Patter was left holding the question of why, and it nagged at him. He eventually offered a $1000 reward to anyone who could explain the thread that tied donuts, ribs, stinking weed, illicit pregnancies and legal cockfights -- all while keeping the Mormons at bay. He figured anyone who could crack this nut could establish heaven on earth. Or least one helluva Honkytonk. The reward, incidentally, remains unclaimed. See Also * Donut Shaped World Theory * Johannssen Messerschmidt Notes Note 1: They were actually from Hollywood, but O'Donnely found that "too goddamn faggy to talk about." Donut Shaped World Theory The controversial theory that the earth is in fact, shaped like a donut. Though allegedly proved wrong by cosmonauts in 1975, the theory continues to attract a surprising amount of critical inquiry. Posited by A.W. Slippers in such works as The Shipping Lane Aside, it proved popular with the simple-minded and adventurous alike, appealing particularly to prisoners, Unitarians, the insane and 27 members of the U.S. Congress. Add Water One follower, Johannssen Messerschmidt, urged people to spread the word. He was arrested one night walking around Philadelphia clad "with only a donut circl'd about that member which should not be mentioned in these halls," as it was put so eloquently by Senator Locust B. Burley of Vermont, when the matter of Slippers' proposal to voyage to the center of the hole in the Earth was discussed in the Senate. Burley was opposed to the venture and dismissed Slippers as a "charlatan....a flim-flam man of the lowest order...his proposals absurd and his theories are balderdash." Break Bread Nonetheless a secret expedition funded by foreign shipping magnate Xenophon Aliokrate did in fact set out to find the hole in the center of the world. The team was equipped with the most exceptional, acurate clocks and "chronickers," telescopes, bi-noculars, sextants, several chronographs and chronometers, and reams of notebooks and map-paper as well as numerous blank leather-bound notebooks. Each member was given a personal hourglass and a pewter pendulum as well as a very expensive gold pen. The ship was rigged with a plethora of modern astronomical instruments and measuring devices and had a separate galley loaded with endless charts and carto-bibliographies, Flamsteed's Atlas Coelestis, a fully functional grandfather clock, wet bar with servants and, of course, several Jules Verne novels. The rumours of a glass bottom seem typical of the exaggerations of the era. Leftovers Again The names of the crew and of the ship itself have been lost to history. While most scholars and historians discount the story as a Slander operation intended to embarrass Senator Locust B. Burley and cast him as an enemy of science and exploration, others are convinced that it was quite real, and, although they agree that the world is not in fact toroidal but was pretty much spherical, they still find endless fascination with the mysterious disappearance of the crew and the general zietgeist of the era. Occult detectives claim evidence that South American Adventures Of 1948 recovered the progeny of the crew on a deserted isle not far from the legendary Galapagos Archipelago. Easton W. Wunderkidd often hinted that he knew of the wherabouts of the ship and was the only one who knew the real story. Dreidl Dreidl n. 1. A toy similar to a spinning top used in games of chance played by children. 2. A great weight balanced on a thin member. 3. A fragile ego in a guarded soul; temperament as fate. 4. euph. A swollen clitoris, not to be mistaken for an egg. See Also * Augury * Nut * The Unseen Hand * Watermelon Dye-works Dye-works liturg. 1. In several creation theories the dye-works are the sector just below the naming sector and above the modeling sector in the production facilities. 2. Code name for slander operation. 3. Mystical place of transformative knowledge; The Corner Lot. 3. euph. Change for the worse; a place for the down-trodden. See Also * Counterfeiting gang * Secret Negro * Skinwalker Ear ear snd. 1. Cartiliginous head appendage that gathers sound; sometimes found attached to the backs of mice. 2. Fourth sign on the O'Donnely Zodiac Placemats. 3. Headphones. Usage "There is a bone in your ear which does not belong there!" -- Jonathan Trenchwheat to Nathanael West, Hollywood, 1940. "Well that would be the time I lay naked on a gurney in agony as the orderlies stuffed a snack cake into my ear... my left ear to be precise." -- San Francisco Vagrant to Miss Monitzer when asked about his worst experience while institutionalized, 1991. This quote would later be adapted into a screenplay, but misplaced in 2004 during an alcoholic stupor. “Pass me an ear of corn.” -- an oft-heard request at Incidentalist Dead Flesh Bonanzas. Extrapolation On the Uniqueness of Ears No two ears are alike1 -- an astounding fact considering the 10 billion-plus human ears that have graced the Earth. Not even your own ears are identical. Ears are, in fact, the most reliable distinguishing identifier between identical twins, chimps and apes. The big question, as always, is why? For some, this is glimpse of the unseen hand of the Maker, shaping each person from the clay anew; for others, this is evidence of the grand random chaos in the universe, a bit of trivia, purposed as we grant it. Like men and women, these twin views were once one in the poetic sciences of ear divining, which appears to have traveled with alchemy from the Indian subcontinent to the ancient Greeks around the 4th century BCE. The practice eventually split into the blind fatalism of phrenology and the cold science of ear-based identification systems2 around the beginning of the 20th Century in London and Brussels. The schism was retained, indeed amplified, as ear identification was quickly replaced by fingerprinting (and eventually, DNA sampling), while phrenology evolved into a host of predictive practices (e.g., racial profiling). This divide is really only an echo of the contrary philosophies “shared” today by the American peoples, where a fundamentalist president who “shapes reality” to fit his beliefs presides over scientists who explore the heavens with Martian rovers. The Trouble with Unattached Ears Ear investigation is a relatively uncommon field. Since criminals aren't regularly ear printed, it can be difficult to match an ear to a print found at a crime scene. But there's another weirder problem: unattached and unclaimed ears turn up world wide on a regular basis. Since there's little in the way of large-scale ear print repositories, it's difficult to track an unattached ear back to its owner unless someone comes forward. In one particularly curious example, an unattached and unclaimed ear (http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1345942/posts) was found near Strangeways Prison in Manchester on February 18, 2005. (The news of this was somewhat delayed due to an extraordinarily thorough job of ensuring that the object was, indeed, an ear. This wasn't due to a particularly thorough police force; rather, this was an attempt to avoid the embarrassment the force faced earlier when an unattached finger turned out to be a sausage.) This would just be another loose ear incident were it not for some cracker jack detective work by one Mr. Cor van der Lugt,3 who managed to match this ear back to a previously found ear lying unattached and unclaimed at the feet of a dead and dangling Creatine Panderbox on May 3, 1960, in San Luis Potosi, Mexico. This rather extraordinary bit of news has rather baffled international crime agencies. All they've been able to conclude is that somewhere there's an earless person running about, immune to prosecution from ear prints. Ear Forgeries A second weakness in the world of ear investigations results from the sheer simplicity of it all. The great draw of ear identification is the basic and readily identifiable unique properties of each ear -- but it's this very simplicity that makes the whole thing rather prone to trickery. At the risk of reading like a criminal how-to manual, the simplest trick is ear muffs. Wear them while committing a crime, and you have nothing to fear from ear investigators. A more devious trick is ear stamping. Gnomic operatives are known to produce stamps that perfectly replicate the ear prints of numerous VIPs. The blackmail opportunities are obvious. A third trick is the supposed use of prosthetic ear coverings (or ear gloves) by higher-ups in the Gnomic underworld. Although unproven, this doesn't seem out the realm of possibility -- though it would certainly require extreme proficiency in costuming; we're talking Hollywood caliber make-up at this point. The true extent of Gnomic ear stamping and gloving may never be known, but the rumors run broad and deep enough to have been mocked by none other than Walt Disney, who placed giant false ears on the heads of each and every Mouseketeer. See Also * Eye * Hand * Hunimal * Face Notes Note 1: “The ear is, for each human being, so different that the precise description, with all its characteristic features, would already be enough to ascertain the identification” (Professor Niceforo, Die Kriminalpolizei und ihre Hilfswissenschaften). Note 2: Ear investigators continue to prosecute criminals on the basis of ear prints, which are particularly suited for identification due to: a) The readily measurable ratios present in the distances between the numerous standard cartilaginous protrusions (e.g., tragus, anti-tragus, knob of Darwin, etc.) b) The uniqueness of these ratios in every ear. c) The fact that these ratios are established by the fourth month of fetal development and remain unchanged until the decomposition of the corpse. BBC (http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/235721.stm) presents a short story of a murderer busted by his ear prints. Note 3: Mr. Cor van der Lugt (http://www.crimeandclues.com/earprint.htm) has presented an excellent discussion and proposal concerning the role of ear identification in the field of criminology. Note 4: Amateur AA historian Steven Adkins defended Payne, pointing out that the “sicko perv” claims were “childish and unsubstantiated. Besides, we all have our own crosses to bear. And remember, to err is human, to ear, divine.” Egg egg n. 1. A single testicle. 2. Historically, one half of the ingredients necessary for the creation of a new human; a piece of generative equipment. 3. A storage facility for potential of any kind, in this sense a very small and discolored watermelon. 4. Sixth sign on the O'Donnely Zodiac Placemats. 5. The eventual solidification of vapor, occurring over thousands of years and as such, highly valuable. 6. An ingredient for the manufacture of pancakes. Usage "You have to crack a few eggs to make an omelette." -- An Unrepentant Stalin Extrapolation Contrary to much modern science, eggs were not invented by man but rather harnessed. As vessels of fecundity or veiled potentiality, the egg and the nut are closely related. The nut's protective casing -- masculine and hard -- distinguishes it from the fragile femininity of the delicate egg. See Also * Eye * Dreidl Encephalitus City A small suburb of Tampa, Florida, notorious for its vicious black market and mysterious eccentrics. The City is actually a small village known for its large demographic of psychics, clairvoyants and psychotics. Although yet to be stopped by the police, it is from here that the shadowy Mr. Korea, a Buddha-like man who smokes big fat cigars, moves everything from cheap imports to heroin. It was also the site of the "sin-sational" Chrystal Kelp date-rape trial in 1986. The unusual name of this small town is commonly thought to derive from the abundance of mosquitoes in the region, but this is not the case. The name was created by a romantic yet hardly literate stationmaster, one Willy Peacock, who had confused the name of Alexander the Great's horse, Bucephalus, and has no intentional relation to the name of the brain inflammation commonly caused by viruses. "The EC" has the unfortunate distinction of being the nation's leader, however, in cases not only of encephalitis and malaria, but of other less fashionable mosquito-borne diseases. Eugenics eugenics, eugenia. n. 1. An institutionalized exterminatory practice, derived and motivated by the elaboration of racial theories through the use of primitive genetics. 2. Very popular edict strangely agreed upon by conflicting groups yet which still remains Taboo beyond the boardrooms of America. Non-Canonical Text From U.S. Congressional Report 1971: "Still considered all too in-humane, the unfulfillment of the more important parts of Quantum Ethics will have to express themselves in another future." "Just as a stream will be impure that takes its orgins from a cesspool, so will the children be defective." -- Charles Dight, mentor to Dapper Clementine and founder of the University of Minnesota's Institute of Human Genetics and author of such publications as Human Thoroughbreds -- Why Not? and The Moron Menance. See Also * Euthanasia * Manhole cover * Nazi Regime * Psy-op Euthanasia Euthanasia lp. 1. The act of prematurely creating death. Usage "We should take care of the youth here before the Asians, right?" -- Dacusse in a speech to the First International Associationalist Blow-Out, 1968. "My love that dare not speak thy Name -- My Euthansia come at last" -- Couplet performed before Rodin's The Thinker (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Thinker) at the Dallas Museum of Art, by Steven Vogeler, on his weekly guided tour of places made famous by his having smoked marijuana there. See Also * I Smoked Pot Over There Eventuaries Eventuary kl. 1. A holy, objectified space, or altar, where events are carefully presented to the ever-feckless eyes of the Faithful. 2. An event horizon realized at the theorical temparature by which vapor solidifies; Superman's palace; a crematory. Usage "I am sure it is wrong, and cannot eventuate well". -- Gouv. Morris. Sparks Life & Writ. (1832) I. 313. See Also * Incident Eye Eye(s) n. 1. The passive vertebrate of perceptual experience; either of a pair of hollering tinctures or a tangle of potential vapor. 2. The primary method of sublimating material existence; a metaphoric bath-marie in which a dialectic war is waged with hands, the spoken voice, or actuated thought. 3. The pigmented distraction and simultaneous elation of the soul. 4. The faculty of seeing; vision. 5. The ability to make intellectual or aesthetic judgments. 6. A central point (the eye of a needle, a bull's eye in a target, the nether eye, the opening on a peacock's feather); often associated with a void at the heart of chaos (the eye of a hurricane, labyrinth, mystery, enragement, or donut). Usage "My eyes creak upon their heels like queer sails...." -- Stimes Addisson, at the Sans Souci Apt. "Dog Days" party, to himself, 1954. "Mine eyes ... keelhauled!" -- A.W. Slippers upon seeing topless maidens in Tahiti, 1785 "The eye wants to sleep ... but the head is no matress." -- He of the Assembly. Bowles, Paul. See Also * Donut Shaped World Theory * Head * Incident * Goat</div>

Payne foobar Tub Book: Index 2008-02-24T18:54:14Z 2008-02-24T18:54:14 2008-02-24T18:54:14Z

Summary: <hr /> <div>==#== * [[27]] * [[3]] ==A== * [[A brandished cane]] * [[AA]] * Associatio Amicorum '''see''' [[Toulouse]] * [[AA'ers]] * [[ablation]] * [[alcove]] * [[alembic]] * [[Algonquin]] * [[Altar]] * [[ana-associational]] * [[Ape]] * [[Architect's hand]] * [[Asian Thumb]] * [[asp]] * [[ass]] * [[Associationalism]] * [[augury]] * [[auto poob cluster]] * [[Auto-Colonialism]] * [[autotelic]] ==B== * bald head '''see''' [[egg]] * breast-thronging '''see''' [[The Worship of Tits]] ==C== ==D== * divorce '''see''' [[The Great Schism]] * dumb luck '''see''' [[Good luck]] ==E== ==F== * fun '''see''' [[run!]] ==G== ==H== ==I== ==J== ==K== ==L== ==M== * marriage '''see''' [[Poob Bargain]] * masturbating '''see''' [[Masturbation]] * melons '''see''' [[watermelon]] ==N== * Niggardly vison '''see''' [[Titor'd]] ==O== ==P== * Poobian '''see''' [[Poob]] ==Q== ==R== * read tea leaves '''see''' [[Augury]] * ritualized murder '''see''' [[Ritual Murder]] ==S== * Stalin '''see''' [[Egg]] ==T== * tombstone '''see''' [[Boneyards]] ==U== ==V== ==W== ==X== ==Y== ==Z==</div>

Payne foobar Tub Book: Glossary Ablation 2008-02-24T18:24:45Z 2008-02-24T18:24:45 2008-02-24T18:24:45Z

Summary: <hr /> <div>Items thus far left out of the glossary, because they should go elsewhere: *[[Absinthe]] -- Does someone want to flesh this out in some way? Otherwise, I don't see how it brings much to the table, AA wise. Perhaps some anecdotes, or some riffing will do. Otherwise, I say ablation for this entry. :Other than having a fondness for the stuff it doesn't really add to the aa overall. Why not cut the fucker out and leave it in the wiki....steven *[[Accidental Associationalism]] :Agreed. This'll be an introductory essay so no sense in repeating it....steven *[[Alpha Chimp]] -- Shouldn't this be a main entry, and not glossary? :I see it as a glossary entry except for definition 3. Def 3 could be extracted and the "discography" section turned into a main entry...steven *[[Art Doll]] -- This begs the question, what do we do with personages? I say roll them in with the main entries and don't separate them. :Absolutely! I say: "No people in the Glossary!" - drp *[[Stimso Adid]] *[[Stimes Addisson]] :I concur. Personages shouldn't be in the glossary. I think they should be main entries and that for the sake of not getting into too many sections, shouldn't be set apart as the glossary will...steven * [[BAM]] :I think that BAM and the Bought Art Movement should be left out because they are too peripheral to the AA -- [[User:Payne|Payne]] 19:00, 24 Feb 2008 (EST) * [[Bought Art Movement]] : I think that BAM and the Bought Art Movement should be left out because they are too peripheral to the AA -- [[User:Payne|Payne]] 19:00, 24 Feb 2008 (EST) * [[Bucephalus]] : People don't belong in the glossary, right? -- [[User:Payne|Payne]] 19:00, 24 Feb 2008 (EST) '''Mortification''' Mortification jkn. 1. The punishment of the flesh for not being spirit. See Also Great quantity Sin Wrestle '''Neologism''' neologism n. 1. The veneration of insanity. 2. A reversal of the language of the dead towards more acceptable means of expression. '''Noble''' The upper echelons baby, with the 9:1 power ratio. Also the top grade of The League of Gnomes. Nobles have historically struck pompous poses, but are now just as likely to be found living in cheap hotels. See Also *The Population '''Ornithologist''' ornithologist. n. 1. A person dedicated to the scientific study of birds. 2. In AA parlance, a fastidious person. 3. A lover of Jazz great Charlie Parker. 4. A child molester. Usage Jorge Suarez: "Hoy no tengo ganas, y ornitólogos tampoco." '''Pablum et al...''' "Pablum et all...(ibid) etc...is so much pablum and whatall." -- Recursive mandate 23 "If I wanted Pablum I would return home" -- Emancipated feral child (popular Character from economic-school dorm room poster, German School of Re-Design, Costa Rica Spring '48 '''Pamphlets and pantomine''' And Then, and then them Pamphlets come panicking, pushing people aside. That's the problem with words, don't let'em gang up on ya. -- Unknown Anglo-Saxon tinkerer upset with the way things are (olden days) "Of all the tears, the pamphlet sort moved slowly through the sreets, slowly through the streets of Old Devonshire. -- from the Hungarian Folksong "hergekommene kleine Ziege" (come here little goat) "Pantomine sanitizes then canonizes the oppressed gestures deep whitin our dark souls; she is the wicked step-sister of the primal grunt, the paleo-howl." -- Adam Cistern's life manual "Omni-Mancy" pb. 1946. '''Pants, trousers, pantaloons''' "I never knew a man who could use rough twine for a belt so eloquently." "Even when running around the convention in '68 nude from the waist down, he managed to impress us all with the quality of his pants." "My favorite was the kilt he had with two extraneous pantlegs which flopped about as if he were a double amputee. When I asked him, however, to explain, he just punched me in the nose and began to piss on his shoes, whistling Dixie. It was then that I finally understood what he meant when, years before, he'd called me a "delicate spoon." "And all that time I thought he was a Mexican!" -- Balthazar Buehb, with Larry King in 1989. "Whether in shrubbery or piled w/ankles, smart pants can change the world." -- back of empty bourbon bottle, 1982 "Smart pants technology is going to change everything." -- Anonymous game developer, 2004 Electronics Expo, Los Angeles "'Twas as if we were flying by the seat of our pants" Miss Lana Hussy -Nazi Air Command and the Female Bodygaurd-.... -- Dimestore Pulp found in brown bag behind dumpster June 19, 1944 "And they shall be called Pantaloons in the House of thy Lord!" -- Cleo James Thurstunwell, Corner of 19th and Clairmont c.e. "Acrid finger-wartful-orifical thrust,soiled pants knot your neck." -- excerpt from The Dangerous Contest, short poem of sorts from the Associationalist archiv '''Prototypes and pyromancy''' "Prototypes think they're so fancy." -- Disgruntled Crash Dummy from the short film "Realism and Matter-the cavity and the column." "...and it will Flicker like a gargantuan diamond above a benign inferno." -- translation from Natherianistic Scroll ca. 550 b.c.e. First possible description of divination by fire. Adopted as the AA definition of God for five minute sometimes in 1950. '''Pupae thru pupil''' "Nothing embodies psychic determinism like the pupae, save onanism." -- Madam Madeline Mason-McMurray's "Honeybees Citadel- Dance as Destruction" 1908 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "-and from The Mouth flowed many winged creatures, his wounds manifest potent pupae and to touch the larvae is to touch the single mind." -- Verse IXX Book VIII of the Normandihadapita book of Poems 2020 b.c.e. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "When the pupil becomes the tormentor there you will find transcendent lunacy." -- Carnival Proverb 19th-Century Prague '''Pwatomic dance customs''' "Pwatatomic Dance customs are in their very nature a turn-on for most Anthropology students." --Dr. Peter Von Fondle (Paleo-innerchild-Psychologist Author and Playwright) "More fun than fire-settin' and stuff." --Anthropology student '''Quantum Ethics''' Forthcoming '''Dr. Martin Savage Pickles ''' '''Dr. Peter Von Fondle''' '''Socio-economic mode predicators''' '''San Francisco Vagrant''' Rock and roll Phenomenon. Coming from Belgrade, these earnest youths rocked the house from right to left with worryless abandon. See Also *Dog Pile *Imp '''The Population''' Basically, everybody that can yell, individually or collectively, above the crowd. The rest matter only when polled. The Population has four parts: Honeybees Poobs Greasers Nobles Honeybees, the Cups, represent histrionic theatricality, knee-jerk reaction and hard-nosed business sense. Victimization is the prosthetic limb. Poobs represent the bourgeois but the diverse blob which is amorphous, dividing, heavy beyond its size. These are the Wands. But these wands are dead wood. Greasers are the Swords, striving, nicknaming, naturally anti-authoritarian. Dacusse, Flintrock.... Nobles are represented by discs of gold and are lucky, unquestioned, and fantastically pantalooned, if only physically. They tend to erect a jewel-encrusted onyx in the foyer. '''The Simulacrumists''' The Simulacrumists (alias The Copiests, The Vanillists and sometimes the Denaturists) were a collective of ad-men, writers and publishing houses funded by heavy-handed capitalists intent on smashing counter-ideologies in the name of deregulation and free markets. The artisans were instructed to amass a campaign of mediocrity and to ensure group-think through the dilution of opposing ideals. The Copiests, as they were commonly called, were the extension of the movement that worked exclusively in the art world, attacking newer art forms like the ready made, minimalism and the more fringe elements of the conceptual world. The idea was to copy and appropriate style and ideas from up-and-coming movements and quickly release tainted versions into the public consciousness via the mass media. [edit]Extrapolation Whitewash The movement began in Paris in 1912 as a Utopian formula with a cockeyed ideology: the belief in higher achievement through homogeneous assimilation of everything from language and attitude to art and architecture. These ideals soon found favor with certain radical publishing groups who would spread the ideology until the First World War caused the movement to fracture and regroup in the United States. Gray Matter Although forgers have long operated in the art world, the methods employed by the Copiests were not as focused on the actual replication of the artworks as much as hijacking the essence of the idea. The movement began with as a covert attempt to bring their message of World War One "Dada ideals" to the States by way of the movement's main magazine Le Mal Jumellent and its controversial editor Heinrich Erickson. At the height of the movement, members scoured the nation lifting ideas from such exotic places as rural flea markets, children's art shows and the senior citizens watercolor circuit. Sunny side down The Simulacrumist goal was twofold: one was to obtain art in its many common and lowly forms as to ensure the direct dissemination of Poob Culture. The second aim was to spread disinformation and prejudice through plagiarism and slander. Many of the eastern European members eventually found themselves stateside working their evil magic on Madison avenue, influencing the entertainment and publishing industries. Freedom Fries The movement was essentially anti-modern and sought to derail any new philosophies that may have led society to a better understanding of the power structures under which they find themselves constantly struggling. Malcom Aaronson of Media This explains: Many of the ideals of the movement were incorrectly associated with Nazi Germany because of their shared distaste for modern and outsider art styles such as Art Brute, cubism, and abstract expressionism. Whereas the Nazi movement regarded these art forms as degenerate, the Copiest concerns were mainly that they would be mainstream enough to catch the lazy eye of 20th century America and keep him in his consumer slumber. The real reasons behind the counterfeit ring was not to make money but to stifle and poison societies acceptance of the creative arts. Their goal was to emasculate any progressive movements which may have influenced the general public by co-opting lower art forms and producing them on such a mass scale so as to confuse and corrupt the markets, and supplant the high with the low, the Canon with the Kitsch. It is a commonly-known fact that most sympathizers of the movement work in Hollywood, primarily in the sit-com sector. Their masterworks include the painting of the old ship captain, the painting of the dead tree with yellow sky and most famously the painting of dogs playing poker. See Also *Bought Art Movement</div>

Payne foobar Tub Book: Style Guide 2008-02-24T18:11:50Z 2008-02-24T18:11:50 2008-02-24T18:11:50Z

Summary: <hr /> <div>The main thing is to be consistent -- so if you see inconsistent patterns punctuation, let us all know! ==Links== '''Internal Links:''' * Internal links that properly name the entry -- leave as is * Misdirects (e.g., [[Stinking Weed|Wacky Tobaccy]] actually takes you to Stinking Weed) -- leave as is, but add a "see" reference to the [[Tub Book: Index|index]] (e.g., [[Wacky Tobaccy]] '''see''' [[Stinking Weed]]) * Dead links (they take you know where) -- fix 'em (preferably) or delete 'em (when imagination or patience lacks) (e.g., change [[giant]] to [[The Worship of Dongs|giant]] -- now live, pointing to "The Worship of Dongs") '''External Links:''' Add the address after in parenthesis. For example: * Adid likes to [http://www.jumprope.com jump rope] in Madrid. : ''Should be changed to:'' * Adid likes to jump rope (http://www.jumprope.com) in Madrid. ==Glossary-specific== * glossary terms should be lower case unless they are proper nouns (e.g., [[ablation]] vs. [[Tampa]]) * each definition should end in a period (or exclamation point or question mark). * watch the 2.a. ... 2.b. layout -- be sure that you have a period after the number & after the letter ==General Copy Edits== * Use double dashes (--) instead of em-dashes because em-dashes don't work so well in this wiki * if we're going Yank style, periods, question marks, and exclamation marks go inside quotes. (Personally, I prefer British style, which puts the end punctuation outside of the quote unless the end punctuation is part of the quote -- but I think we have mostly been following the Yank style, so let's keep the end punctuation inside quotes unless someone else wants to argue otherwise.) * one space after periods and colons (speak up if you'd prefer 2 spaces) * dates -- like this: 3 March, 2007 (speaks up if you'd prefer March 3, 2007) * Ellipses (i.e., ...) -- surround them by spaces (e.g., "and then ... she went to the sky")</div>

Payne foobar Tub Book: Overview 2008-02-24T17:59:29Z 2008-02-24T17:59:29 2008-02-24T17:59:29Z

Summary: <hr /> <div>Relevant Pages: * [[Tub Book: Glossary # - B]] * [[Tub Book: Glossary C - E]] * [[Tub Book: Glossary F - H]] * [[Tub Book: Glossary I - K]] * [[Tub Book: Glossary L - N]] * [[Tub Book: Glossary O - Q]] * [[Tub Book: Glossary Ablation]] * [[Tub Book: Index]] * [[Tub Book: Style Guide]]</div>

Payne foobar Tub Book: Glossary 2008-02-24T14:53:07Z 2008-02-24T14:53:07 2008-02-24T14:53:07Z

Summary: # - A (pasted entries) <hr /> <div>==#== '''[[27]]''' (nb.) 1. Twenty-seven ones stacked up, placed between twenty-five ones and twenty-six ones. 2. The twelfth prime number. '''Usage''' "It does me no injury for my neighbor to say there are 27 gods, or no [[God]]. It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg." -- Thomas Jefferson '''Extrapolation''' The totem number of the [[AA]]. It appears ubiquitously not only in AA literature and art, but in dates and other contexts generally recognized to be beyond the control of the [[human hand]]. [[Accidentalists]] generally regard the 27 phenomenon as a joke, while [[Associationalists]] see a more profound, if not mystical, operation at play. One wily commentator has speculated that 27 represents play as a healthy inversion of work: "If you take the 2 and the 7 you find that 7+2=9 and 7-2=5. The connection: 9-2-5. The 9 to 5! The job, the workplace, the toil for another, 27 is code for this [[Pooban]] enslavement mechanism!" Needless to say, this commentator has since been proven insane and rather dull-witted, at that. '''See Also''' * [[Reticent 27]] '''Desiderata''' The number 27 has attracted wide-spread notice independent of and at first unknown to the editors of [[Plastic Tub]]. The number appears ubiquitously in pop culture and in both natural and man-made disasters. Some call it conspiracy. Others call it [[Good luck|dumb luck]]. '''[[3]]''' (sci.) 1. Niggardly vison (see [[Titor'd]]). 2. The third number of the alphabet. 3. Three. 4. E, backwards, though not a [[3|schwa]]. '''Extrapolation''' "Unbarrel [[27]]. There lies Three." —- tombstone (see [[Boneyards]]) carving, origin unknown. '''See Also''' * [[Three Blind Mice]] * [[Triskelion]] ==A== '''[[A brandished cane]]''' k. 1. A hard-on pulled from the air; the act of creating false [[vapors]]. 2. The outcome of a [[Stabbin' Hat]] initiative. 3. The hierarchical activation-metaphor used in the early 1990's as a [[Farm Blog]] substitution mechanism — a complete literary failure, but surprisingly successful on DVD. 4. The instrument of severe discipline. '''See Also''' * [[Mortification]] * [[Run!]] * [[The Worship of Dongs]] '''[[AA]]''' (tng.) Abbreviation and common form of [[Accidental Associationalism]]. Not to be confused with Alcoholics Anonymous, the Argentum Astrum or any other quasi-religious organization bearing these two initials. "Although we speak of 'The AA' and '[[AA'ers]],' it should be noted that 'AA' has never represented any formally chartered or established group as such, but a group of individuals and groups so-chartered, bound together in a loose affiliation based on shared ideals and camaraderie." -- Lollop Whitley, Dogs for Checkers: AA Symboliosis and Distance Language, introduction to the 1986 edition, University of Kansas Press. AA has also stood for: * [[Accidental Action]] * [[Association of Association]] * [[Toulouse|Associatio Amicorum]] '''See Also''' * [[The 3rd A]] * [[Who We Are]] '''[[AA'ers]]''' (foax) Participants in the [[AA]]. The term was originally used in Field Agent [[Smedley Wissock]]'s report to his superiors at the FBI dated October 4, 1968: Internal Report 27a, 1967: The AA and Satellite Organs, Threat Factors and Subversive Tendencies. In a sporty display of life imitating fiction, participants in the group began using the term for themselves. It now refers both to original personages from the [[Who We Are]] era and those of the current manifestation known as [[The Second Advance]]. '''Extrapolation''' Wissock was an undercover FBI agent working his way up the saboteur ladders when a nefarious assignment led him to [[Balthazar Buehb]] and subsequently the AA. Wissock, often fueled by [[Dewey Rose]]'s acerbic vitriol, envisioned a wildly complicated AA Conspiracy whose perfidy would have made [[Jonathan Trenchwheat]] smile. And it was so that Wissock unknowingly advanced much of the apocryphal mythos associated with today's AA . Wissock, a vehement racist, intoxicated on a homemade concoction of sodium pentathlon and Everclear, failed to complete his plan to firebomb [[Stimes Addisson]]'s residence when he was spooked by the sight of [[Mazzistow Carrington]] and [[Bashy Gupta]] exiting. Wissock was eventually dismissed from the force due to security clearance concerns, and it was later determined that Smedley suffered from acute schizophrenia. '''See Also''' * [[Psy-op]] * [[Revelation of the Method]] * [[Three Blind Mice]] '''[[ablation]]''' (a.) 1. Surgical excisement of a body part or tissue mass for the purposes of purification or gnostic experience; auto-amputation. 2. The removal or reduction of psychic material from the accomplished. 3. The dissipation of identity by means of analogy. 4. Sacrificing part of the self to save the whole. 5. euph. Suicide, self-immolation, egocide. "then throws his stump into the upper window it lands upright" — [[Hot Night of The Universe]] '''Extrapolation''' Exactly! '''Non Canonical Text''' "And if thy hand offend thee, cut it off: it is better for thee to enter into life maimed, than having two hands to go into hell ... And if thy foot offend thee, cut it off: it is better for thee to enter halt into life, than having two feet to be cast into hell ... And if thine eye offend thee, pluck it out: it is better for thee to enter into the kingdom of God with one eye, than having two eyes to be cast into hell fire…." — Mark 9:43-48. King James Bible. "[[Incidents]] of auto-amputation in nature trace an inverted bell-curve against intelligence. At the low end, insects, for example, will often eat a leg by [[accident]], and lizards will inadvertently shed a tail when startled. At the upper end, we find foxes chewing off their legs to escape traps and humans chipping off fingers from sheer ennui. But in the middle lies this fuzzy area where we willing plant our cocks -- if you can find it." —- [[Dapper Clementine]]. A Nature Lover's Guide to Loving in Nature. University of Minnesota Press, Minneapolis. 1971. "In the death of soldier or the starvation of a peasant, we rejoice -- for We Are One, and the heroic [[sacrifice]] of one reflects the heroism of all." —- Proclamation 13. Stalin (see [[Egg]]). "The lucky Christian in heaven looks back upon death as the ablation of body from soul which purified the self. Likewise, the dead Gnostic may rejoice in the purity of pneuma gained through the sloughing of the flesh. Buddhists, on the other hand, view Nirvana as an absorption, wherein the self is lost or dissipated as the one becomes all. Likewise, [[Poob Bargain|marriage]] or nationalism may be seen as an absorption, wherein one’s identity is lost to a collective, while [[The Great Schism|divorce]] or desertion may be viewed as a type of ablation". —- a lecture from the annoying professor (what was her name?) [see Note 1] '''See Also''' * Alice in Wonderland Syndrome (http://www.medterms.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=24174) * Body Integrity Identity Disorder (http://literature.sdsu.edu/2005/spring/301/amputationpsyche.pdf) * [[Mad Work]] * [[Moist Air]] * Penis Removal (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Penis_removal) * [[The Worship of Dongs]] * [[The Worship of Tits]] * [[Vapor]] '''Desiderata''' Adult circumcision is the most common form of [[Poob|Poobian]] physical ablation. Self-castration is a close second. I like having a detachable penis. -- King Missle Kokopelli, a fertility deity and trickster god--usually depicted as a humpbacked flute player and who is worshiped by many Native American tribes in the Southwestern United States--is often depicted with an oversized phallus. According to Wikipedia, Ho-Chunk lore relates that "this penis is detachable, and he sometimes leaves it in a river in order to have sex with girls who bathe there." The Top Ten reasons to auto-amputate, as culled from Letterman: 10. Cleave a toe to impress the ladies! 9. Lop off a trigger finger to avoid the draft! 8. Loosen your nuts to relieve those pesky pedophilic urges! 7. Eat your own legs to avoid starvation! Beat the cannibal at his own game! 6. Snip off your foreskin to improve the sensations! 5. Clip off an ear and go as Van Gogh for Halloween! 4. Prune a pinky to look like a Chinese gangster! 3. Wallop off your hands and join the Anahinthan! 2. Wack off your cock. It feels good. 1. Check that ego, young man. '''Notes''' Activities related to ablation include: * Absorption - Just as running and stopping are opposite points of reference on a scale of motion, absorption and excisement are referential extremities of identity and loss through ablation. * Apotemnophilia - The rare and dangerous condition of deriving sexual gratification from auto-amputation. * Auto-amputation - The physical removal of one’s own body parts by one’s self or with one’s permission. * Bucking Up - Drawing on one’s inner resources to cast out fears; mental ablation wherein courage is derived by the removal of wooziness. * Exorcism - Casting out demons to purify the soul. * Brain Surgeries - Trepanning removes a portion of the skull with the intent of created an [[Opened Head|opened head]]. Tumor removal purifies the brain. Lobotomies remove the function of the prefrontal cortex to alleviate aggression. Epileptics may remove the corpus collsum to sever the left and right hemispheres of the brain. * Pruning - Physical ablation of a horticultural nature; also used in reference to Darwinian evolution wherein a species is empowered by the pruning of weaker members. * Extrapolation - To arrive at the essence, truth, or a state of purity via inference, deduction, humor, or extension. * Extracting - Withdrawing the desired. If you keep what you withdraw, you are extracting. If you shed what you withdraw, you are ablating or pruning. Note 1: It was [[Dr. "Alamo" Jane Jenkins]], of the University of Boston. And don't forget it. '''[[Adidian]]''' (adj.) A term much debated among disanarcassits, Adidian has been posited as works, relations betweeen humans and the claptrap hovering in between "the bits which matter." '''See Also''' * [[Stimso Adid]] '''[[alcove]]''' (n.) 1. Hold that fucking shot!, he cried, a planar bevel. 2.a. Where prospective [[Gnome Scouts]] wait in anticipation of their initiation, each an expert. 2.b. More than a niche, less than a cave, equal to combinations. '''Extrapolation''' Alcoves enjoy an unusual attention from scholars who have failed to attract the respect of fellow scholars and the larger, more profitable expanse of public interest. One could, after all, study the comparably more exciting field of decapitation, [[The Worship of Tits|breast-thronging]] or jew-baiting -- but a certain sector of the academic field devotes itself to the intricate investigation of this seemingly banal form of architectural filigree. An alcove is usually a small space in a room, formed by one part of a wall being further back than the parts on each side. Ideally suited for bookshelves and the like, in certain circles the alcove is empty and hidden by a kind of curtain or ornamental tapestry. Thus concealed, it serves as a spot for eavesdropping. Once considered the ideal manner of discerning private information, the alcove has since fallen out of fashion after it was discovered that sudden gusts of wind can "tip-off" those being listened too. Prior to this, it had been discovered that curtains which had been cut too short were also a giveaway, as the shoes of careless eavesdroppers could often be seen protruding from underneath. Electronic devices, known as "bugs," or lip-readers with telescopes are now the preferred method of collecting discrete information. Yet traditionalists still insist upon the alcove as an indispensable tool, and one can still find them in manor houses and hotels across the globe. '''See Also''' * [[Peep-Hole]] * [[Televy Gide]] '''Desiderata''' Alcoves have served as a critical plot foil in many a nail-biting scene of [[Lil' AA]]. '''[[alembic]]''' (kl.) 1. An apparatus consisting of two vessels connected by a tube, used for distilling liquids. 2. A device or entity that purifies through the agency of fume or [[vapor]]. 3. Any action or object which purifies according to the methods of sublimation, transmutation, removal, [[ablation]]. '''Extrapolation''' The alembic was put on the map by the actions of several individuals operating under C.I.A. scrutiny but who under torture insisted they were in fact [[secret negroes]] working to placate that portion of the pleroma responsible for running the dye-works. Thus could they cut to the quick. Later research, obviously tainted by canonical beliefs, identified the actors as homo-sexuals whose ultimate goal was the destruction of the family. '''See Also''' * [[Bath-Marie]] '''[[Algonquin]]''' (n.) 1. A Native American people who inhabited most of the Canadian region south of Hudson Bay between the Rockies and the Atlantic Ocean. 2. A hotel in Manhattan. 3. A slur from a drunkard. 4. euph. A phrase used to indicate one's immediate departure. '''See Also''' * [[Cowled child]] * [[The League of Men with Fancy Gloves]] * [[Run!]] '''[[Altar]](s)''' (nplssd.) 1. [[Geomachy|Geomantic]] loci whereon [[God]]s can be the object of direct human communication; the one way post-stop of Hope, Faith and Interlocution. 2. Any man-made object, or space, which seemingly produces praeterhuman phenomena. 3. The stage for a ritual [[sacrifice]]; a crematory. '''Extrapolation''' [[AA'ers]] are known to collect small artifacts and curios of some personal significance or interest -- often with a comical aspect -- and to display them in a quasi-reverent fashion within a frame or on a shelf. Objects are sometimes presented ironically, but rarely without at least a sprinkling of earnest admiration and devotion. Sometimes incense is burned and bits of fruit and/or small shot glasses of alcohol left as offerings. Often a symbol of something feared or despised is placed upon these altars in the hopes that the altar's power will somehow lead to its destruction or defeat. '''See Also''' * [[Augury]] * [[Desiderata]] * [[Fallen Stone]] '''[[anassociational]]''' (ju.) 1. A cognitive [[incident]] which though entirely unapparent, appears to exist prior to the instance of its creation. '''See also''' * [[Augury]] * [[Associational]] * [[Autotelic]] * [[Poob Culture]] '''[[ape]]''' (v.) 1. When you're angry at something, and you can't describe it, exactly like a deliberation of Thanksgiving, concerning the impossible situation -- earlier described -- of migrating your entire apartment, using only the calories available through an average morning breakfast, usually measured by a mathematical formula that emulates the mass created by an unusually dense occurrence of midgets, most of which appear to be smoking [[Stinking Weed|cigars]]. 2. To imitate, esp. in a mocking manner. 3. n. A hairy and ferocious beast that lives in jungles and shits. '''Usage''' "Somehow the rumor that [[William Flintrock]] is "hairy as an ape" has been making the rounds. Recently as yesterday I heard it. When we hiked the GR10 in the Pyrenées last month, we went swimming. It just isn't true." -- [[Steven Adkins]], June, 2003. '''[[Arab Countries]]''' (np.) A series of national monuments erected entirely as an excuse to use the word erected in daily newsprint; a clobbish leap at so-called "[[psy-op]]" -- including t-shirt, poster sales we made a fucking mint. '''Non-Canonical Text''' "...clustered around the Arabian Peninsula founded by a man as he chased an enormous White [[Whale]]." '''See Also''' * [[Desert Shield II]] * [[Fallen Stone]] '''[[architect's hand]]''' (gdly.) [[League of Gnomes]] term for the [[Unseen hand|Unseen Hand]]. ''Non-Canonical Text'' "Here the architect’s [[hand]] seems mighty as a [[god]]’s. Houses appear and disappear at his whim – the people whose lives are radically changed by the activities of this hand are nowhere to be seen; they are given no part in these processes." '''[[Asian Thumbs]]''' (rok.) 1. A collection of pornographic pictures featuring Asian women, presented as "thumbnails", any picture resized to a smaller proportion for group viewing. 2. The beautiful made banal; a mundanity which achieves apotheotic stature. 3. The most advanced of all the thumbs, a pollex a priori. 4. A [[Beta Chimp]] prog-rock band. '''See Also''' * [[Ritual Murder]] * Asian Thumbs on The Internet (http://www.google.com/search?q=Asian+Thumbs+on+The+Internet&sourceid=navclient-ff&ie=UTF-8&rls=GGGL,GGGL:2007-9,GGGL:en) '''[[asp]]''' (n.) 1. A venomous snake, esp. an adder or cobra. 2. One characterized by charm and a devious intelligence; a tempter or temptress; a sneak. "Beauty -- An Asp!" -- password used by various [[AA]] groups to differentiate invited guests from [[clampers]]. "My dear Kepler, what would you say of the learned here, who, replete with the pertinacity of the asp, have steadfastly refused to cast a glance through the telescope? What shall we make of this? Shall we laugh, or shall we cry?" -- Letter from Galileo Galilei to Johannes Kepler. "And the sucking child shall play on the hole of the asp, and the weaned child shall put his hand on the cockatrice' den." -- Isa. 11:8, prophesying on the Messiah's reign, King James Bible. '''See Also''' * [[God]] '''[[ass]]''' (ts.) 1. That which is sat upon, yet poops; eng. arse. 2. A member of the horse family Equidae; a donkey, mule, horse, zebra, or onager. 3. Colloq., awesome, as in bad-ass; also, the opposite, as in jackass or this tastes like ass. 4. The buttocks of a [[Monkey|human]]. '''Extrapolation''' "The Ass is transformation and stubbornness, dipshit. Where's my beer?" -- A drunken [[Stimes Addisson]], 1993, [[Mustang Sally]]'s, [[Tampa]], to [[Steven Adkins]]. "The supposed categorization of [[Mormo]] Worship as a form of [[The Worship of Tits|Tit Worship]] is in error. Mormo Worshippers are, in fact, predominantly ass men of the most profound sort." -- [[Bashy Gupta]], lecturing at the [[Poob|Copenhagen Poob Research Institute]]. '''Non Canonical Text''' "Other poets have warbled the praises of the soft [[eye]] of the [[ostrich]], and the lovely plumage of the bird that never alights; less celestial, I celebrate the tail ... The compact round body of its root expands into two broad, firm, flat palms ... At the crotch or junction, these flukes slightly overlap, then sideways recede from each other like wings, leaving a wide vacancy between. In no living thing are the lines of beauty more exquisitely defined than in the crescentic borders of these ... its flexions are invariably marked by exceeding grace. Therein no fairy's arms can transcend it ... The more I consider this mighty tail, the more do I deplore my inability to express it. At times there are gestures in it, which, though they would well grace the [[hand]] of [[Ape|man]], remain wholly inexplicable." -- Melville. Moby-Dick. '''See Also''' * [[Glasspants]] * [[Pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey]] * [[Transpants]] '''[[Associationalism]]''' (n.) Without a lattice upon which to string our cognition, Association is meaningless. It becomes [[Accident]]. That's how we started the [[fisticuffs]] bit. The [[chimp]] on skates is the right leg, after the invisible [[hand]] erases your text. The desire to see [[pig|pigs]] in clouds, order in boobaloob, [[Augury|read tea leaves]], [[Donald Duck Tarot]], to see the fingerprint of [[God]] in a turd and its shape in relationship to the croissant you ate for breakfast, the lack of revelation, the construction, the collage the palimpsest of gluebacked fluttering we use to construct our [[soul advertisement]] to salvation a.k.a. meaning a.k.a. [[run!|fun.]] Remember: [[Association]] is like running [[vapor]] through an [[alembic]]. The [[AARG]] debated this point in circles, two people often ending up where the other had left off, changing position like so many pairs of [[pants]] in motion. [[AA]] activity is now generally known as Associationalism. Paranoia is often considered a form of pathological [[Association]]. Salvador Dali once remarked that "[[Addisson]] was on the ball, much like a [[Masturbation|masturbating]] egret, eating your mother's [[egg|bald head]], will drip like a sparrow into a golden tum our, otherwise known as an [[egg]] in [[pants]]." '''See Also''' * [[Accidentalism]] * [[Incidentalism]] '''[[augury]]''' (n.) 1. The art or practice of predicting the future; divination. 2. An attempt to solidify [[vapor]] by removing the [[accident]]. 3. The movement of chance, particularized in advance by poets, seers or persons otherwise ''in the know.'' '''Usage''' "...aruspicy, hepatoscopy, scapulimancy, animal [[sacrifice]], [[Ritual Murder|ritualized murder]]...look, kid, I'm telling ya -- if ya wanna control the future, ya gotta kill somethin'..." '''Extrapolation''' ''Scene'': [[Lucretia Borges]] (that infamous [[clamper]] and founder of [[The 3rd A]]) and [[Alexandre Dacusse]] (looking about impatiently) -- both bellied up at local Bronx watering hole. Camera holds on the street corner, momentarily bare, a pleadingly flat shot. Eventually, a figure emerges, then two. They appear to speak. (smoking a cigarette that is thin, in the European style, unlit) ''Borges'': "Well, you could, to be sure, chase the whole issue back to free will and what not, but don't you think that's a rather pedestrian attempt to camouflage the obvious religious symbology behind such universal occurrences?" (still attached to his dumforqu{{an|1}} , it's mechanical carapace causing slight discomfort, easily shrugged) ''Dacusse'': "WTF." "I'm made of fire." screeches the ballooning tremor of the Nigerian taxi driver, his head, his race, his intention, bald. ''Blinking, Dacusse'': "Is that some kind of hallucination?" Lucretia, lifted inches from the pavement, eyes the size of Jefferson Dimes '''Non Canonical Text''' "''Augury is closely related to attempts to control the future. Part of the thinking is that prediction grants one power -- power that can be used to control. But the relationship is more complex. Sacrifice, for example, is used to appease, appeal to, or otherwise manipulate the [[god]]s. But the entrails of these same animals are then examined like tea leaves to predict the future".'' -- [[John Wickle]] on [[Mormo]] Cults "''Borges has... devoted [much] thought (and money) to this -- though she seems to have really [[Masturbation|missed the boat]]. Her writings on the "precognitive dissassociation of the cause behind the action" have yielded such substantial misunderstanding and confusion regarding [[The Great Schism]] of the [[Third AA International Conference]] that she has been accused of a [[Psy-ops|smear campain]] by no less than [[Nevid Kessar]]".'' -- [[John Wickle]] on [[Lucretia Borges]] '''See Also''' * [[Ear]] * [[Geloscopy]] * [[Geomachy]] * [[Ritual Murder]] '''Desiderata''' ''Augury was the name'' of [[Mazzistow Carrington]]'s sole and only, singular, aside from the many, ''love''. ''The ancient Mayans'' based battle plans on the placement of seeds inside ritually sacrificed [[watermelon|melons]]. ''[[Good luck]]!'' Note 1: You ditch me? What are you doing that tub shit gets annoying -- Johanna. '''auto poob cluster''' (APC) n. 1. Autonomic [[Poob]] grouping tactic, structured along organic lines and evolving without conscious direction. 2. The nuclear family unit, consisting of a mother, a father, and one or more children. 3. A suburb; most of [[America]]. '''See Also''' * [[Auto-Colonialism]] * [[Poob|Hansard's Guide to Refreshing Sheep]] '''[[Auto-Colonialism]]''' (n.) A doctrine espoused by [[Mazzistow Carrington]] decrying the Death of Everything, which posited that for the most part, people are responsible for their own enslavement. "Entertainment" is re-defined as [[Death]] or [[Run!|Something Else]]. Symptoms include excessive TV watching and a distrust of nature. Carrington is a preparing to reissue his seminal essays on the subject, re-tooled to explain the results of the [[Titor'd|2004 U.S. Presidential Election]]. '''See Also''' * [[Poob]] * [[Poob Bargain]] * [[Poob Culture]] '''[[autotelic]]''' (vap.) 1. Phenomena containing self-created [[anassociational]] auto-ascribed meaning; that which manufactures by its essence a closed circle of human understanding; ''furth.'' that which is its own end. 2. Thoughts which necessitate themselves, symbolically represented as an [[ouroboros]]. 3. The disconcerting fatalism of [[accident|accidents]] which arrive pre-associated. '''See Also''' * [[Fumes]] * [[Geomachy]] ==B== '''BBQ''' (bbq) The barbecue is a ritual enjoyed all over the world. In Latin America is is called a ''barbacoa'', or an ''asado'' and even the Hawaiians get in on the action at a Luau. Many philologists believe that the word came into English via Spanish from the Taíno Indians of the Caribbean; the French maintain that it comes from putting a spit through an animal from ''barbe'' (beard) ''à'' (to) ''queue'' (tail). Whatever the origin, however, it is an almost universally recognized symbol of "good eats." The word in this sense not only denotes the event, but the style of cooking. In America, the word has a variety of linguistic forms, sometimes but not strictly delineated along cultural lines. Ex-Black Panther and chef Bobby Seale maintains that any black restaurant worth its salt calls it "BBQ." White people of the working class know it as the "Bar-B-Q." Denizens of the suburbs go for the more proper "barbecue." As a matter of fact, the variants are used freely among all groups, but the statistical division is an intriguing area for further study. Whatever the appellation, the ritual is the same. A fire is made. Succulent meats such as [[pig|pork]], chicken, beef, and even [[ostrich]] are consumed. The simplest and perhaps most commonly-used meats come in the form of [[hot dog|hot dogs]], [[sausages]] and hamburgers, but barbecue menus can be much more sophisticated. Usually, [[beer]] is consumed in [[blindingly drunk|great quantities]]. Every year, the [[AA]] holds a barbecue called the [[Incidentalist Dead Flesh Bonanza]], which includes a fiery chili cook off. '''See Also''' * [[Mazzistow Carrington]] * [[Heartplug]] '''Desiderata''' ''Texans are liable to shoot'' anyone claiming that Wisconsin is the king of the BBQ. None-the-less, Cheeseheads hold more BBQs per capita than Longhorns. But since Wisconsin BBQs tend to involve boiling foreign meats like "brats" and generally include no barbecue sauce, the Texans may be kings after all. '''Banana slut, you?''' (np.) A company specializing in fine men's [[pants]] started by [[Stimes Addisson]] and [[Stimso Adid]] in 1984, with the financial backing of [[unseen hand|unseen partners]] widely suspected to be Yakuza. ''BSY?'', as hipsters and jet-setters worldwide know it, was the culmination of a lifelong dream held by Adid. He was the inspiration and prime-mover. Addisson, though a member of the board and a fashion consultant, was there to support his old comrade. Together, with almost no knowledge of the fashion industry but between them a wealth of expertise developed over the years as connoisseurs of fine pants, they created a small but reputable firm whose products are sworn by all over the world. Their one marketing mistake seems to have been caused by the lure of easy money dangled before them by the producers of the ''International Male'' catalog. They badly damaged their reputation by going glam with a series of breezy leg-wear, using their patented ''Gilga-mesh'' fabric, which looked as though it would be more at home in cheesy European gay bars than along the boardwalk. The line was withdrawn and some good-natured self-mockery by Adid on the talk show circuit saved the day; today the pants are a much sought-after item among ironic rich kids. '''Bangcock Willie's''' Philadelphia bar frequented by underworld types and the more thuggish elements of [[The League of Gnomes]]. Somehow, it became the leading gay bar of its era for five or maybe, twelve minutes. It receives an email from a long-lost friend. "BW's," or "Willie's," opened in 1947 and originally served a rowdy crew of roustabouts and circus performers. It soon became a strange mixture of criminals and homosexuals, given that proprietor [[Bangcock Willie's|Saul Thebo]] was himself heavily involved with both subcultures. It was the scene of the infamous [[Showdown Post Facto]] between [[Alexandre Dacusse]] and [[Ryan O'Donnely]] in 1968. After Thebo's death in 1977, the bar fell on hard times and was closed when the neighborhood became gentrified during the 1980's. The building was soon transformed into a dry-cleaners, coincidentally owned by a young couple from Bangkok, Thailand. '''Barataria''' Sancho Panza, greedy fool, imagined that he could follow his noble knight, Don Quixote, to riches; he lept when offered governship of Barataria, but the island was pure invention, pranksters riffing off "barato," the Spanish word for cheap. Centuries later, the phantasmic isle inspired the Spanish settlers who applied the name Barataria to the mouth of the Mississippi river. [[3|Three]] islands lay low in the Bay of Barataria; though prone to disappearing entirely under hard rains, their strategic and semi-tropical location led to a colorful and decadent history. Jean Lafitte took up residence there in the early 1800s; establishing himself as Sancho's heir apparent in the Kingdom of Barataria, he held rein over a misfit collection of pirates, runaway slaves, and deserters. With imported prostitutes, smuggled rum, and a simple piratanical code, Lafitte established an easy-going live-and-let-live island life. Guarding the mouth of the mighty river-road, Lafitte kept safe passage for [[U.S.]] ships while plundering French, Spanish, and British traders. His "kingdom" managed a sort of quasi-recognized fiefdom-status with the various national players in the area; the United States and the Independent Republic of West Florida held more naturally favorable relations than did the European Colonial powers. The quick rise and fall of West Florida led to interesting times. Lafitte lent a hand to the rebellion, helping to secure a short-lived independence for the miniature nation. And when Madison proclaimed U.S. control of West Florida, Lafitte welcomed West Floridian soldiers looking to maintain a last holdout. As there was really little chance that the West Floridians in Barataria could offer any real resistance to the U.S., the "holdout" turned into a debauched party; women and booze, money and fists flew as wild and as loose as befit such end-of-times. [[A.W. Slippers]] is rumored to have hunkered down in Barataria with the [[Albert Kook Gang]] during these mad apocalyptic days. The privateers in Barataria were eventually pardoned in a deal worked out by their former governor, Fulwar Skipwith, a colorful associate of the [[Founding Fathers]]. '''See Also''' * [[BBQ]] * [[Florida]] * [[Manatee]] '''Desiderata''' ''Low-slung, free-wheeling, sea-bobbing, & short-lived,'' Barataria strikes parallels with numerous micro-nations, including [[Wee-Wee]]. ''A [[beer|malt liquor]]'' marketed towards African Americans is still sold in parts of Louisiana under the name of Barataria. Although named after the obscure micro-nation, the Gothic script lends the brew a distinctly Germanic image; for years the brew's mascot has been the Black Baron, a coal-black WWI Ace with a thick Bavarian accent. In 1976, the campaign for the beer, playing upon bicentennial fervor, was patriotic in nature. The ads featured a smooth-talking [[Crispus Attucks]], who rolled up to the local [[Argy Boy|juke-joint]] in knee-breeches, powdered wig and cool shades, winning over the dubious locals with a witty repartee and a few glistening bottles of his favorite brew. '''bath-marie''' ''n.al.'' '''1.''' A device which facilitates intermediary states of matter, used in alchemical and drug-related pursuit. '''2.''' [[AA]] parlance for a bong. '''Extrapolation''' "Who uses the bath-marie these days, young pups ain't got shit on me, goddamn, when I was a youth we put all types of vegetables or any other damn thing in one of them fuckers...." '''See Also''' * [[Alexandre Dacusse]] '''Desiderata''' Magical place between mix and puree '''Beanstalk Hero Myths''' In the English-speaking world, every child is familiar with the tale of Jack and the Beanstalk. A naïve young man (Jack) trades his cow for some "magic beans" that produce an enormous beanstalk by which he ascends to the clouds--and the home of a malevolent [[The Worship of Dongs|giant]]. Jack is captured but escapes with the aid of the giant’s wife, taking along a hen that lays golden [[egg]]s. Jack is a greedy boy however, and ascends once again, this time to steal a harp, which, as it turns out, resents being taken. The harp's cries for help attract the giant, who pursues Jack down the stalk. Jack, once safely on the ground, attacks the stalk with an axe, felling it and killing the giant. This tale, both alchemical parable and re-telling of the Prometheus myth, is in turn based upon the older story of Jack the Giant Killer, a tale about a youth who encounters a series of five giants which through cunning and magical assistance he is able to defeat. He even removes the last giant's head and sends it to King Arthur. Although generally believed to have originated upon Old England's shores, what most people do not realize is that these tales derive from legends native to the Baltic Sea area--Estonia, Latvia, Lithuania, etc. In these original tales, "Jaani" unwittingly retrieves a "magic stone" from an unscrupulous merchant who is unaware of its value. (In Baltic versions Jaani gives up his [[pig]], and not a cow.) Under the stone's influence Jaani becomes corrupted; it gives him strange powers of insight that lead to unnatural economic windfalls. He climbs higher and higher in the social hierarchy, eventually challenging the aristocracy, the king, spirit beings and finally, the gods themselves. For his arrogance, Janni is hung upside down from atop a tall tree and his stone hidden away in an unknown place, although some variants say the stone was placed in a jar at the center of the sun. Dr. Jeanne-Marie Sicre is the first scholar to have linked these tales with [[Elysius Dubord|Elysius Dubord's]] brilliant writings on the origin of [[Mormo]] and the Sumerian Mommo (see [[Fallen Stone]]). She has also managed to link the stories, following the Mormo connection, to the story of the [[Owl King]], a man legend says was turned to stone by the gods (or, in later versions, by [[God]]) for daring to set himself as their (his) equal. What is remarkable about her thesis is that legends from Iraq, the Baltic Sea and Southern France are linked in such a way as to suggest a common origin. '''See Also''' * [[Procreation Myths]] '''Desiderata''' ''More radical members'' of the ''Albion Jack-and-the-Beanstalk Story-Tellers Guild'' have issued a fatwa against Dr. Sicre for proposing that the myth is not native to British soil. ''The Israeli [[Creation Myths|Creation Myth]]'' is based on a similar tale wherein Jacob climbed a ladder and [[wrestle]]d with [[God]]. When Jacob "overcame" his "struggle", God renamed him Israel and he founded a nation. '''bee''' ''b.'' 1. A totem animal of the [[AA]], notable for their dances and springing jigs '''Extrapolation''' [[Krystine Monitzer]], [[Associationalist]] dollmaker, has a hive in her heart, and the stirring buzzes in her ears and stings her tongue. Send butter; the [[Infancy|baby]] is warm. '''See Also''' * [[Auto-Colonial Bee]] * [[Honeybees]] * [[Moist Air]] '''Beer''' (drk.) Consumed by [[AA'ers]] of all stripes in [[great quantity]]. Believed to be invented by Egyptians. Currently made by all peoples of the earth. Mormons don't usually drink it unless commanded to by [[Mormo]], in as yet to be illuminated [[Renascence|obscure rituals]]. '''Usage''' "Do not cease to drink beer, to eat, to intoxicate thyself, to make love, and to celebrate the good days." -- ancient Egyptian creed '''See Also''' * [[Heavy drinking]] * [[Second AA International Conference]] '''bicycle''' ''n.'' '''1.''' Two-wheeled human-powered transporter. '''2.''' To rotate between two lovers. '''Extrapolation''' With the bicycle came the need for the modern road, bloomers{{an|1}}, and modern machine shops. Two of these three inventions "paved" the way for the tank. The bike and the tank famously did battle in Vietnam, where it was found that the bike and the tank were equals in war -- ''if there were no machine guns.'' As there are, in fact, many, many machine guns in Vietnam, the tank has been driven to oblivion. '''See Also''' * [[David Payne]] * [[Donut Shaped World Theory|League of American Wheelmen]] '''Notes''' Note 1: "Of course I'm wearing [[pants]]! See -- here are my bloomers!" -- an indignant, pant-less roller-blader, lifting her shirt while arguing with a beer-sodden Payne in the VFW last night '''Desiderata''' ''The bicycle'' is the most efficient means of non-verbal communication. ''...overcoming drag'' requires raw power.'' -- Wikipedia ''[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_E._H._Jones David E. H. Jones] has a peculiar habit'' of creating self-proclaimed "un-rideable bicycles" and then publishing papers explaining how he rides them with ease. "Sociologists suggest that bicycles enlarged the gene pool for rural workers by enabling them to easily reach the next town and increase their courting radius." -- Wikipedia ''A boneshaker is not'' a sexual device. Quite the opposite, in fact. ''Motorcyclists call speed wobbles'' "tank slappers".'' '''Black Irish''' ''n.'' '''1.''' An inhabitant of Albion or it's environs prior to it's invasion by the Celts; a Pict. '''2.''' A western man possessing either black hair or brown eyes, meaning that his forebears slept with slavegirls or possibly with the infidel Moors -- quite likely with donkeys or pigs. '''3.''' A shittier sort of bloke, capable of all things shitty. '''4.''' An ''evil'' Irishman. '''Usage''' "I can tin a scar, peanod over the unctual -- but I can't wink at a black Irishman." - William Faulkner, from ''My Oreoscopic Vitupe (1948).'' '''See Also''' * [[Ape|Neadertal]] * [[William Flintrock]] '''Desiderata''' ''Black Irish who came the U.S.'' have been mistaken for Catholics and ne'er do wells -- though this assumption has only made them richer! ''Quite the king'' is he whose race is golden. '''bleezy''' ''scot.'' '''1.''' Affected by alcohol or similar intoxicant; besmirched by besottedness (''The red-faced and bleezy-[[eye]]d Santa's days were numbered''). '''2.''' Wacky [[Stinking Weed|tobaccy]]. '''3.''' An affable street urchin who irregularly graced the [[Lil' AA]] strip. '''Usage''' "Never that homie... Trust, the first one is NOT still wrapped in plastic, and even get a lil play in the hoo-ride... Flamin hot CHEETOES w/ lime!!!! So... $2 & the Highlife'll getcha some muzak... I might even choke a bleezy wit the first taker!" -- posted by Pete Parka{{an|1}} on [http://602streets.com/publicforum/showthread.php?t=16307 602 Streets Dot Com] '''See Also''' * [[Bolt]] * [[Dewey Rose]] '''Notes''' Note 1: "pete parka is not a member of any public groups" (referenced as above). '''Desiderata''' ''Bleezy was the inspiration'' for the seeming incongruous Mr. Magoo and Rudolph-the-red-nosed-reindeer. '''blimp''' ''n. '' '''1. ''' A sandwich of huge proportion. '''2.''' A clandestine form of communication used by [[Solomon Witte]] to speak with headquarters on matters of hygiene, diet and proper dress; unfortunately, not clandestine at all. '''3.''' A flying [[watermelon]]; a metaphor that threatens you with imposing air-filled sacs. '''4.''' A fat chick, according to a young [[Ahmed Capra]]. '''See Also''' * [[Flap]] * [[Run!]] '''Desiderata''' ''Eccentric aviator [[Art Doll]]'' piloted a blimp named ''Stimso's Gumption'' from Dayton, Ohio, to his death over the mid-Atlantic in June, 2003. Made entirely of light-weight [[pants]] and German coat hangers, the imposing dirigible was fabricated to resemble an enormous flying [[pancake]]. '''Blind man''' ''norp.'' '''1.''' A person, usually a man, who is deprived of sight. '''2.''' A numbskull. '''3.''' An unusually non-perceptive individual. '''4.''' A sailor's [[knot]] originating in Brittany, traditionally ascribed to one Loïc Tanguy (circa 1776). '''Extrapolation''' At the [[3rd AA International Conference]], the [[Associationalist]]s began referring to the [[Accidentalist]]s as "blind men." One misguided [[clamper]], for example, tried to impress [[Verna Cable]] with his wit: leaning over his [[blindingly drunk|cocktail]], he slurred, "How many Accidentalists does it take to screw in a light bulb? None! Blind men don’t use lights!" She responded with a [[Ablation|knee to the groin]]. “Oops,” she grinned, "My foot must’a slipped, honey. Well, with any luck now, you’ll associate me with aching [[nut]]s." The poor chap was seen later puking in alley, [[blindingly drunk]]. '''See Also''' * [[Argy Boy]] * [[Pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey|Blind Man's Bluff]] * [[Eye]] * [[Three Blind Mice]] '''Desiderata''' ''Blind men'' make great musicians -- and pets! '''blindingly drunk''' ''now'' '''1.''' The result of [[heavy drinking]]; the primary cause of [[fisticuffs]]. '''2.''' ''euph'' [[Poob]]ian mindset. '''3.''' To strive forward quickly, into the unknown. '''Usage''' "[[Beer]] is proof that [[God]] loves us." -- [[Founding Fathers|Benjamin Franklin]] "There are no stars, Captain." -- "King Kong." The new version. '''See Also''' * [[Blind Man]] * [[BBQ]] * [[Incidentalist Dead Flesh Bonanza]] * [[Sausage vison]] '''Boer''' ''n.'' (br, bôr, br) '''1.''' A form of insult, usually directed at Men of Science, referencing to that group's predilection for bloviating at length about subjects generally regarded as boring or meaningless. '''2.''' After meals, a disparaging proclamation regarding the quality of the food. '''3.''' A white South-African of Dutch origin (aka Afrikaaner). '''Usage''' "Madam, the venison is staggeringly boer." -- issued as a dangerous proclamation by night, thoroughly cute, a little sweet. '''See Also''' * [[Logos]] * [[Mack Calvin]] '''boing''' (!) A noise accompanied by springs, especially in coin-operated [[Punch and Judy]] shows. '''See Also''' * [[Boer]] * [[Bath-Marie]] '''Desiderata''' ''[[Alexandre Dacusse]] often mistook this'' word to mean "bong," a ''faux pas'' usually leading to mirth in all present. '''bolt''' ''btk'' '''1.''' To fasten or make fast, the locking of a door or entry way; the placement of barriers to progress. '''2.''' To flee suddenly, to engage in energetic egression, to move away, fully; i.e., embarrassed, he ''bolted'' from the party. '''3.''' An ill-used [[Gnomic]] euphemism for [[Ritual Murder|ritual murder]] by strangulation often involving the use of string, tangled yo-yo's, a wooden spoon or [[Anahinthan|double-gloved]] [[hand|hands]]. '''4.''' The female counterpart of a screw, plainly, a [[nut]]. '''5.''' Used as shorthand, or in quip, for "lightning bolt". '''Extrapolation''' The citizens of [[Anahinthan|ancient western societies]] are believed to have worshiped ''bolts'' of lightning, in the form of radically charged air, often witnessed gasping surrounded by such, kneeling perhaps and certainly viewing the phenomena as a kind of very elaborate whuppin' from on yon. Kicking and screaming, the boy was dragged down to the Lithuanian prostitute..... Ho! I've seen smaller rack on a buck! '''Non Canonical Text''' "...the [[Teratology|lumbering idle-brained beast]], head bolted on askew, moaning in agony and desire like a priest in jolly confession..." '''See Also''' * [[Knot]] * [[Run!]] '''Desiderata''' Superheroes often sub for meaningful shit that would otherwise languor in stoned silence. ''The missile fired'' from a crossbow is known as a bolt. ''Suffering from a cleft lip'', [[Argy Boy]] referred to his wife's beauty as "a bold and short fellow, flailing obdurately, who arrived in the exactly opposite manner thus described." ''Many people'' have bolt-fetishes. '''boneyard''' ''n.'' '''1.''' A cemetery -- quite literally, a yard of bones. '''2.''' A hospital or nursing home. '''3.''' A [[chimp|human being]], particularly in reference to destination. '''4.''' A type of sailor's [[knot]] originating in Nova Scotia. '''5.''' A cityscape dominated by skyscrapers. '''6.''' A homo-sexual dance club or drinking establishment. '''Non Canonical Text''' "In consequence, the U.S. remains buried in Korea can never be recovered but are bound to be reduced to earth with the flow of time." -- Foreign Ministry spokesperson, N. Korea. ....floating desperately, hanging on to a gelatinous hook from the sky....the Ace of Spades presented to the hungry void....see [[Fallen stone|Holy Grail]] '''Extrapolation''' [[Mazzistow Carrington]]'s grand opening of the rib-joint Boneyards was greeted with a Philadelphia brotha'-lovin' gala. [[Ryan O'Donnely]] saw otherwise. In his [[eye]]s, this new-found [[BBQ]] competition was a declaration of [[The Worship of Tits|war]], and he had the vast resources of his [[O'Donnely's Ribhouse and Honkytonk]] restaurant chain behind him. Coupons and half-priced deals were scatter-bombed to the public; [[blimp]]s soared across the skies hailing Ryan as the BBQ-king; [[Pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey|prank calls]] were lobbed into the Boneyards kitchen. Mazzistow, meanwhile, stood tall, elbow-deep in rich, velvety sauce, nostrils like eyes for the [[Blind man|blind]]. His ribs were impeccable. The lines were soon drawn on race, a dangerous division in times of national race riots. When the Boneyards burnt to the ground, 1967, one winter night under [[Psychological Warfare|mysterious circumstances]], no one was surprised, least of all Mazzistow. The local [[Mazzistow Carrington|Afro-american press]] decried a tale of woe, broken dreams, and heartache. Mazzitow, meanwhile, laughed all the bank, well-planned insurance policy in hand. Rumors ran rampant, but smart cash was 10 to 1 on a Ryan-induced fire. Mazzistow, rich, slipped off quietly, last half-seen dissolving into the swelling Brazilian metropolises. In 1974, Mazzistow was suddenly everywhere again, serving ribs to [[U.S.|The Champ]] in Zaire, mediating the Bathurst Gaol [[Sausage vison|prison riots]], backing vocals on Ronnie Wood's first solo effort. Mazzistow was not amused, but he bit his tongue, let bygones be bygones, so long as Mazzistow kept out of the BBQ business. In 1985, Mazzistow published his now-famous cookbook. In 1986, Ryan died. '''See Also''' * [[Dead body|Dead Body]] * [[Death Cults]] * [[Ritual Murder]] '''Desiderata''' Work-a-day environs can become boneyards, easily, and often. [[Steven Vogeler]]'s ''[[Associationalist Composition No.1]]'' features a [[passage]] referred to as ''Brought up in a Boneyard.'' A short-story by [[Alfred Bester]], ''By Leaps and Bounds,'' features a character named Winthrop Boneyard who can teleport himself for a maximum distance of 3.14 "neo-meters." '''bood-lyre''' ''dand.'' '''1.''' A vulgarisation of [[Vapors|Bottled Air]], the term refers to verse peddled on the streets of New York City in the 1930's, as a substitute for intricate piping. '''2.''' [[William Flintrock|William Flintrock's]] somewhat denigrating pet name for French poet Charles Baudelaire, as featured in his two act drama, ''[[Sausage|Pork Pie Hat]]''. '''See Also''' * [[Amway-Styled Poetry Samples]] * [[Dime Bag of Verse]] '''bruce''' ''n.''''' 1.''' St. Petersburg ([[Florida]]) slang for [[beer]], a generative pun (i.e., ''brews''). '''2.''' The act of folding one's clothes meticulously. '''3.''' A surprisingly [[Glove|nude]] man. '''See Also''' * [[Pants]] * [[Poobites]] * [[Tampa]] * [[Twack]] '''Buer''' is said to be a "president of hell" and a "demon of the second order" who commands 50 legions, but it is generally believed by those in the know that the number is somewhere on the order of [[27]]. His form is that of a five-branched [[Alexandre Dacusse|star]] or wheel, and he moves by rolling himself. Buer teaches philosophy and logic but is also skilled in curing the sick and giving good familiars. '''See Also''' * [[Cartwheels of Grace]] * [[Johnny Cake]] * [[Mormo]] * [[Triskelion]] '''bun''' ''hmmmm'' '''1.''' A gallimaufry breading; [[sausage]] container best tasted with [[German Lampshades|Kraut]]. '''2.''' Half an [[ass]]. '''3.''' Ball of hair, knotted on back of a female [[head]]. '''4.''' A split roll; edible, pastry ball with two halves, crossed, baked, and buttered. '''See Also''' * [[BBQ]] * [[Hot dog]] * [[Punch and Judy]] * [[Procreation Myths|Smooch]] '''Desiderata''' ''Bum is British'' for quim. '''Butter and Egg Man''' ''n.'' '''1.''' A man of money who spends lavishly and is an easy prey of the gold-digger and other unscrupulous persons. '''2.''' In [[AA]] parlance, an indispensable person; without him, there are no [[pancakes]]. '''See Also''' * [[Tommy the bookie]]</div>

Payne foobar Sol 2007-08-06T02:28:55Z 2007-08-06T02:28:55 2007-08-06T02:28:55Z

Summary: <hr /> <div>[[Category:Glossary]]__NOTOC__ <table width="100%" border="0" align="right" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0"> <tr><td width="*" align="left" valign="top">'''Sol''' ''ndj.'' '''1.''' The sun, [[engine]] of life on Earth, so named by Romans who viewed him a god. '''2.''' Three-fourths a solo. '''3.''' Shit out of [[luck]]. '''5.''' Salty caviar. '''6.''' A Mexican [[beer]], first barreled in 1893. == Extrapolation == ---- "Sun worship is far-flung across humanity; conversely, the 'missing sun' is a mythic theme that spans unrelated cultures. Is [[God]] [[dead]] or silent?" "Pass the beer, hombre. I'm thirsty." == See Also == ---- * [[Saturn]] * [[Zodiac]] </td> <td width="180px" align="left" valign="top" bgcolor="#CCCCCC" style="margin: 0 0 1em 1em; background: #E0E0E0; border: 1px #aaa solid; border-collapse: collapse; font-size: 100%;"> == Desiderata == ---- Hyperion is the titan father of Sol. James Brown is the god father of soul. </td> </tr></div>

Payne foobar Flap 2007-01-11T07:11:53Z 2007-01-11T07:11:53 2007-01-11T07:11:53Z

Summary: <hr /> <div>[[Category:Glossary]]__NOTOC__ <table width="100%" border="0" align="right" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0"> <tr><td width="*" align="left" valign="top">'''flap''' ''vn '' '''1. ''' Action of the uppers limbs causing or imitating flight. '''2.''' A row, fight. '''3.''' Movement by a flapper. '''4.''' A fat chick, according to a young [[Ahmed Capra]]; [[umbrella]]. '''5.''' Dust jacket; flexible fold (skin, cloth, meal, rubber, paper, etc.). == See Also == ---- * [[Art Doll]] * [[Flapjack]] </td> <td width="180px" align="left" valign="top" bgcolor="#CCCCCC" style="margin: 0 0 1em 1em; background: #E0E0E0; border: 1px #aaa solid; border-collapse: collapse; font-size: 100%;"> == Desiderata == ---- "''[[Pancake]]s for dinner'', glory for breakfast." -- [[Founding Fathers|Benjamin Franklin]]'s favorite slogan and infamous [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Threesome menages a trois] pick-up line. </td> </tr> </table></div>

Payne foobar Bun 2007-01-11T06:41:06Z 2007-01-11T06:41:06 2007-01-11T06:41:06Z

Summary: <hr /> <div>[[Category:Glossary]]__NOTOC__<table width="100%" border="0" align="right" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0"> <tr> <td width="*" align="left" valign="top"> '''bun''' ''hmmmm'' '''1.''' A gallimaufry breading; [[sausage]] container best tasted with [[German Lampshades|Kraut]]. '''2.''' Half an [[ass]]. '''3.''' Ball of hair, knotted on back of a female [[head]]. '''4.''' A split roll; edible, pastry ball with two halves, crossed, baked, and buttered. == See Also == ---- * [[BBQ]] * [[Hot dog]] * [[Punch and Judy]] * [[Smooch]] </td> <td width="180px" align="left" valign="top" bgcolor="#E0E0E0" style="margin: 0 0 1em 1em; background: #E0E0E0; border: 1px #aaa solid; border-collapse: collapse; font-size: 100%;"> == Desiderata == ---- ''Bum is British'' for quim. </td> </tr> </table></div>

Payne foobar Graffiti 2007-01-07T06:53:17Z 2007-01-07T06:53:17 2007-01-07T06:53:17Z

Summary: <hr /> <div>[[Category:Glossary]]__NOTOC__ <table width="100%" border="0" align="right" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0"><tr><td width="*" align="left" valign="top">'''graffiti''' ''fku'' '''1.''' A territorial marker most often akin to stale urine; piss on walls. '''2.''' To place a new message atop an older message. '''3.''' Defacing graphics or text, illicitly rendered with an [[eye]] toward maximum visibility. == See Also == ---- * [[Death]] * [[Watermelon]] </td><td width="180px" align="left" valign="top" bgcolor="#CCCCCC" style="margin: 0 0 1em 1em; background: #E0E0E0; border: 1px #aaa solid; border-collapse: collapse; font-size: 100%;"> == Desiderata == ---- ''Graffiti'', Italian for "scratchs," shares etymological roots with "[[grave]]" (a scratch in the earth) and "graft" (joining limbs at a cut): death and life from a scratch. ''[[Second Advance]]'' [[AA]] participant [[Steven Adkins]] lives in [[Toulouse]], where his daughter has a small studio apartment on the Rue Gramat, famous for being covered from street level to first storey with a palimpsest of graffiti. This legal and ever-evolving gallery has become something of a tourist destination, and one can often find an art teacher holding forth as his or her students assiduously take notes. Curiously, given the 1st definition of the word, this narrow street often reeks of urine. </td> </tr> </table></div>

Payne foobar Barataria 2006-12-28T03:03:09Z 2006-12-28T03:03:09 2006-12-28T03:03:09Z

Summary: draft <hr /> <div>[[Category:Glossary]]__NOTOC__<table width="100%" border="0" align="right" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0"> <tr> <td width="*" align="left" valign="top"> Sancho Panza, greedy fool, imagined that he could follow his noble knight, Don Quixote, to riches; he lept when offered governship of Barataria, but the island was pure invention, pranksters riffing off "barato," the Spanish word for cheap. {{Template:Places}}Centuries later, the phantasmic isle inspired the Spanish settlers who applied the name Barataria to the mouth of the Mississippi river. [[Three]] islands lay low in the Bay of Barataria; though prone to disappearing entirely under hard rains, their strategic and semi-tropical location led to a colorful and decadent history. Jean Lafitte took up residence there in the early 1800s; establishing himself as Sancho's heir apparent in the Kingdom of Barataria, he held rein over a misfit collection of pirates, runaway slaves, and deserters. With imported prostitutes, smuggled rum, and a simple piratanical code, Lafitte established an easy-going live-and-let-live island life. Guarding the mouth of the mighty river-road, Lafitte kept safe passage for [[U.S.]] ships while plundering French, Spanish, and British traders. His "kingdom" managed a sort of quasi-recognized fiefdom-status with the various national players in the area; the United States and the Independent Republic of West Florida held more naturally favorable relations than did the European Colonial powers. The quick rise and fall of West Florida led to interesting times. Lafitte lent a hand to the rebellion, helping to secure a short-lived independence for the miniature nation. And when Madison proclaimed U.S. control of West Florida, Lafitte welcomed West Floridian soldiers looking to maintain a last holdout. As there was really little chance that the West Floridians in Barataria could offer any real resistance to the U.S., the "holdout" turned into a debauched party; women and booze, money and fists flew as wild and as loose as befit such end-of-times. [[A.W. Slippers]] is rumored to have hunkered down in Barataria with the [[Albert Kook Gang]] during these mad apocalyptic days. The privateers in Barataria were eventually pardoned in a deal worked out by their former governor, [[Fulwar Skipwith]], a colorful associate of the [[Founding Fathers]]. == See Also == ---- * [[BBQ]] * [[Florida]] * [[Manatee]] </td> <td width="180px" align="left" valign="top" bgcolor="#E0E0E0" style="margin: 0 0 1em 1em; background: #E0E0E0; border: 1px #aaa solid; border-collapse: collapse; font-size: 100%;"> == Desiderata == ---- ''Low-slung, free-wheeling, sea-bobbing, & short-lived,'' Barataria strikes parallels with numerous micro-nations, including [[Wee-Wee]]. ''A [[beer|malt liquor]]'' marketed towards African Americans is still sold in parts of Louisiana under the name of Barataria. Although named after the obscure micro-nation, the Gothic script lends the brew a distinctly Germanic image; for years the brew's mascot has been the Black Baron, a coal-black WWI Ace with a thick Bavarian accent. In 1976, the campaign for the beer, playing upon bicentennial fervor, was patriotic in nature. The ads featured a smooth-talking [[Crispus Attucks]], who rolled up to the local [[Argy Boy|juke-joint]] in knee-breeches, powdered wig and cool shades, winning over the dubious locals with a witty repartee and a few glistening bottles of his favorite brew. </td> </tr> </table></div>

Payne foobar New Mexico 2006-10-20T21:19:18Z 2006-10-20T21:19:18 2006-10-20T21:19:18Z

Summary: <hr /> <div>[[Category:Glossary]]__NOTOC__ <table width="100%" border="0" align="right" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0"> <tr><td width="*" align="left" valign="top">'''New Mexico''': hot, dry, and empty -- picture an upended tequilla bottle on a full-blasted heater -- and you've got New Mexico. {{Template:Places}}Not that it's terribly different from Old Mexico: corrupt, poor, proud, and immensely beautiful. "If she were a women, you'd a shot yrself in the head long time ago" (Wayne, John). Let's face it: New Mexico wouldn't be a state 'cept for when the U.S. took rich Texas from poor Mexico, it couldn't help but take New Mexico, too. One of those "no take backs" sort of deals. "Oh, well. We're stuck with her now" (President Polk). No wonder the state became a sort of last hold out -- a draw for artist, rebels, astronauts, Indians, and other unwanteds. "Fast guns, fast booze, and fast cars, baby. And hot ass, too. Whooo Weee!" (McQueen, Steve). "Ah, but enough of the crap, here's what New Folgers Encylop's will tell ya": (Spanish: Nuevo México) is a southwestern state in the [[United States of America]]. Over its relatively long history it has also been occupied by the queen of bayou blues and has been part of the rich history in mankind's exploration of space, a province of Navajo Weavers and a Children's Hospital. New Mexico has simultaneously the highest percentage of mock battles of any state — some between thinkers and activists and the Goddess of Arno — and nearly the highest percentage of Motorcycle Rallies — of any continental United State second only to [[Florida]] (10.99% vs 11.31%). As a result, the food and fun of the state are unique for their strong pumpkin, rocket and Manhattan Project influences. Speaking of which, a [[Gnome]]s Grotto was nearly dynamited on Halloween Day, 1970, in Albuquerque. One-time residence of [[Steven Adkins]] and [[Mazzistow Carrington]]. </td> <td width="180px" align="left" valign="top" bgcolor="#CCCCCC" style="margin: 0 0 1em 1em; background: #E0E0E0; border: 1px #aaa solid; border-collapse: collapse; font-size: 100%;"> [[Image:Flag of New Mexico.jpg|thumb|center|New Mexico [[AA]] flag.]] == Desiderata == ---- [[William Flintrock]] makes his home near the Jemez Mountains, in San Ysidro, where he owns several acres of the dusty high plains. ''The two chief exports'' of the state, low-quality crank and green chili, account for 27% of the state's economy! </td> </tr> </table></div>

Adkins foobar The CareFull Student 2006-09-26T10:28:51Z 2006-09-26T10:28:51 2006-09-26T10:28:51Z

Summary: <hr /> <div>[[Category: Glossary]] __NOTOC__ <table width="100%" border="0" align="right" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0"> <tr><td width="*" align="left" valign="top">'''The CareFull Student''' ''Viz..'' '''1.''' A student of caution, one who learns only by the virtue of restraint. '''2.''' The fat boobies of a man. == Usage == ---- "Having been to Patagonia -- we have learned twice more about rubber manufactury." -- Jamon Garamond, ''A Visited Twee, 1885.'' == See Also == ---- *[[Morgana La Fey]] * [[Verna Cable|Ivana DeVagrand]] </td> <td width="180px" align="left" valign="top" bgcolor="#CCCCCC" style="margin: 0 0 1em 1em; background: #E0E0E0; border: 1px #aaa solid; border-collapse: collapse; font-size: 100%;"> == Desiderata == ---- ''While safety is a feature'', learners often fuck up and prat fall. </td> </tr></div>

Undule foobar Black Irishman 2006-09-26T09:52:03Z 2006-09-26T09:52:03 2006-09-26T09:52:03Z

Summary: <hr /> <div>[[Category:Glossary]]__NOTOC__ <table width="100%" border="0" align="right" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0"><tr><td width="*" align="left" valign="top"> '''Black Irish''' ''n.'' '''1.''' An inhabitant of Albion or it's environs prior to it's invasion by the Celts; a Pict. '''2.''' A western man posessing either black hair or brown eyes, meaning that his forebears slept with slavegirls or possibly with the infidel Moors -- quite likely with donkeys or pigs. '''3.''' A shittier sort of bloke, capable of all things shitty. '''4.''' An ''evil'' Irishman. == Usage == ---- "I can tin a scar, peanod over the unctual -- but I can't wink at a black Irishman." - William Faulkner, from ''My Oreoscopic Vitupe (1948).'' == See Also == ---- * [[Ainu]] * [[Neadertal]] * [[William Flintrock]] </td><td width="180px" align="left" valign="top" bgcolor="#CCCCCC" style="margin: 0 0 1em 1em; background: #E0E0E0; border: 1px #aaa solid; border-collapse: collapse; font-size: 100%;"> == Desiderata == ---- ''Black Irish who came the U.S.'' have been mistaken for Catholics and ne'er do wells -- though this assumption has only made them richer! ''Quite the king'' is he whose race is golden. </td> </tr> </table></div>

Undule foobar Dr. John Rao 2006-09-26T09:10:13Z 2006-09-26T09:10:13 2006-09-26T09:10:13Z

Summary: <hr /> <div>A fantastic fellow, or considered as such by his peers. Not much is known. He had something of a paunch and like most [[Asian Thumbs|Asians]] betrayed a love of Mathematics upon his face. It was covered in numbers. In formulae. In little known Ogam forms of measurement. And like that. Nice chap, 'round. Negroes are dumb, also. And White people smell like [[Death]]. S'all good. == Desiderata == ---- According to [[Monstrous science|science]], Mexicans are lazy.</div>

Undule foobar Sumerian 2006-09-26T08:12:06Z 2006-09-26T08:12:06 2006-09-26T08:12:06Z

Summary: <hr /> <div><table width="100%" border="0" align="right" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0"> <tr> <td width="*" align="left" valign="top"> '''Sumerian''' ''awe.'' '''1.''' STFU from history's first giant glans. == Extrapolation == ---- : '''Why Sumerians Are Awesome''' : by Hortense Allegheny :Sumerians worshipped Ia. Or Io. Whatever, a king from the sea, the spheriod that encapsulated the Earth, being as it was the unlickable center of the Demiurge's unobserved hitsquad. If you lived in the sea, which was also the sky, you were a God. Or at least the child of a God. And that's where the shit starts to fucking stink. :Child of a God. Apparently. :So, Sumerians are like us in many ways. :H. Allegneh Ny :5th Period, Mrs. Gordon == See Also == ---- *[[Wrestling]] * [[Steven Adkins]] * [[Umberto Eco]] </td> <td width="180px" align="left" valign="top" bgcolor="#E0E0E0" style="margin: 0 0 1em 1em; background: #E0E0E0; border: 1px #aaa solid; border-collapse: collapse; font-size: 100%;"> == Desiderata == ---- ‏(الجمع) تضارب بالقبضات is arabic for "eating children." </td> </tr> </table></div>

Undule foobar Red Suitcase 2006-09-22T04:08:06Z 2006-09-22T04:08:06 2006-09-22T04:08:06Z

Summary: <hr /> <div>[[Category:Glossary ]]__NOTOC__ <table width="100%" border="0" align="right" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0"><tr><td width="*" align="left" valign="top"> ''Red Suitcase'' ''adjn.'' '''1.''' ''lit.'' Blood-colored descendant of the trunk; tote of said color. '''2.''' Object of genealogical reflection; vagina. '''3.''' A mythical object of Tubbian lore. '''4.''' [[Abe Lincoln]]'s head. '''5.''' Precursor to the Internet, metaphorically lost out to "the web." == Extrapolation == ---- "Green, plassic tub? Please. That dude was lucky to <garbled>." -- poorly recorded message on [[Steven Adkins]] answering machine from [[Mazzistow Carrington]]. This message was later proven to be a hoax. The message was actually a [[heavy drinking|drunken]] prank call from Louis Farrakhan. == See Also == ---- * [[Plastic Tub]] * [[Golden tongue]] </td><td width="180px" align="left" valign="top" bgcolor="#CCCCCC" style="margin: 0 0 1em 1em; background: #E0E0E0; border: 1px #aaa solid; border-collapse: collapse; font-size: 100%;"> == Desiderata == ---- ''Little Red Riding Hood'' is said by many folklorists to be a metaphor for a red suitcase. ''A red suitcase'' is exactly like a [[Plastic Tub]], except for the fact that it is generally not made of plastic, nor is it a tub. </td> </tr> </table></div>

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